-Welcome back, Marty. It's so good to see you.
-Good to see you, Seth. You look fantastic.
I see that you've gotten rid of all your Confederate flags.
Good for you.
-[ Laughing, stammering ] It was time.
We decided it was time.
-Well, I'm very excited to be here, you know.
As you know, there's no -- I think
of all the hosts that pretend to care about their guests,
you're the one who pretends the best.
-Oh, well, thank you.
You know, I think I really put that skill to the test
every time you're here. So --
-Th-Thanks. Thank you.
-[ Laughs ] -No, listen, no, I love --
You know, you and I,
I think we click. Don't you?
-Yes. Yes.
-Whether it's "SNL" or "Late Night"
or the back of Jeffrey Epstein's plane, you know.
-Yeah.
-Who was that lady friend of yours?
How do you pronounce her name, "Jislane"? "Galane"?
-It's Ghislaine, but not a friend.
We're just -- -Ghislaine! You two were --
You two were on a roll.
You were playing that -- I remember she was knitting,
and you were holding the wool, and you were laughing.
And I couldn't hear what it was. -[ Laughs ]
-But I could tell you were just -- Something was happening.
-[ Laughs ] -Anyway.
-And, you know, I know you're busy.
Thank you for making the time tonight.
-Oh, please. No, no, I realized
that I had not been on your show for over a year,
which is fascinating that -- how time flies
when you're ghost-writing for Tucker Carlson.
-Yeah. -It zooms by.
-[ Chuckles ] -But I love your show, Seth.
And I wish I could do it more, really.
But...pride.
-Yeah. No, I --
I could see how that would get in the way.
-Hey, there was something you said to me earlier
before we started.
So, you think they should keep the name Redskins.
Why is that?
-[ Laughing ] No, I did not say that.
I didn't. -Well, then
someone said it to me.
-[ Laughs ]
-Who was it?
Oh! It's my -- the people who do my patio.
-How have you been spending your time
with the extra time that all of us have?
-[ Chuckling ] Well, you know,
the UPS guy and I are engaged, if that's what you --
-Oh, congratulations.
-No, I'm on a very similar schedule each day.
I get up around 8:00. I have breakfast. I exercise.
And then it's around 12:15 at night, get ready for bed,
and then it's time for Corden.
-[ Laughs ]
-I love traditions.
-Yeah, it's true. -You can have fun with the --
You know, and I, again, follow the scientists.
In fact, I'm keeping 12 feet away from people
so I don't get coronavirus next year.
See, I'm thinking ahead. -Oh, that's smart.
You did appear in one of the Zoom "SNL,"
the three of those that happened this spring.
You got to perform with Heidi Gardner, who is just fantastic.
-She is like a genius. Don't you think she's fantastic?
-She is. There's real "SCTV" DNA to the way she performs.
Don't you think that's accurate? -I do agree with that, yeah.
It's -- She's so committed.
And when we did it, it was a Zoom about, you know, two idiots
who had been to Italy during the pandemic.
And she was making me laugh every take,
because she was getting her face all...
like this. -[ Laughs ]
It was just fantastic.
And, you know, Beck and Kenan and Aidy and Melissa,
they were all just so good.
-It's crazy to me that you were only on "SNL" for one year,
because you certainly made a mark in your time there.
Looking back at it,
do you wish it had been a longer tenure at the show?
-I do. I wish I'd --
I had a one-year contract.
Billy Crystal and Christopher Guest
and Harry Shearer and I and Rich Hall
had one-year contracts.
And I think at that time, Dick Ebersol -- It wasn't Lorne.
Lorne had taken his five-year sabbatical from the show.
They were just trying to keep it alive.
And Eddie Murphy had left.
And so, anyway, we got one-year contracts.
And I think it was so stressful for me every week,
because I treated it like final exams every week.
I think if I'd known I was going to be there for five years,
I would have taken it easy. But every --
You know, and I was a writer, too, so.
And Billy Crystal always tells one of his favorite moments is
it's 2:00 in the morning,
and the read-through is the next day.
And in those days, you had to slide the script under the door,
'cause they had to be typed. -Yeah.
-So you had to slide it by 7:00 a.m., I think,
on Wednesday morning.
And so, it's Wednesday morning, I'm sorry,
about 4:00 in the morning,
and he's leaving, and he knocks on my office door,
and he says, "How is it going?" I said, "Oh, good."
And he looks over my shoulder, and it says,
"Ed Grimley's apartment, open on."
Nothing else written.
[ Both laugh ]
Complete and utter panic and despair.
Then you have a great show Saturday,
and then 48 hours later, you feel like a failure,
'cause you have no new ideas for Ringo, the host, or whoever.
-Yeah, it was not a -- Success was not a domino at "SNL."
Like, it very much fell
and did not connect in any way, shape, or form to the next show.
Like, you could be as hot as possible on one Saturday
and then just ice cold. -But do you think I'm --
Do you think -- Or is it just what everyone feels?
In other words, that sense of,
"Had I known I was going to stay longer,
I would have chilled more," or would I have been just as tense?
-I think you'd be just as tense because even though
the contracts people sign now are longer,
it doesn't mean that you can't get fired after a year.
And I think most people after a few episodes
start thinking that way. -No one fires the Marty Short.
No one fires the Marty Short.
-[ Laughs ]
-I know what you mean.
I know what you mean. -Yes.
-But I'm talking about my world and my life.