Hey, Psych2Goers! Welcome back to another journey through the basics of everyday psychology.
Everyone gets angry sometimes
even at the people they love. You might think anger is an emotion
you can spot a mile away,
but it's surprisingly easy to miss the signs that someone is angry with you and even more so when you'd rather avoid
conflict than confront it.
Failing to apologize for the hurt you've caused someone
or not making an effort to work things out with them can foster a lot of resentment over time.
With that said, here are eight subtle signs to help you figure out if someone is secretly harboring a grudge against you.
One: They send you mixed signals.
Actions speak louder than words. A person's actions towards you can tell you a lot about what's going on inside.
If someone is still angry at you and decides to bottle it up, their words won't resonate with their actions. For example
their words may be reassuring and kind, and they may say things like "Don't worry about it. We're cool." But their actions definitely aren't.
Their smile seems forced and their words feel disingenuous and no matter how much they try to insist that there is no problem
you can't miss the elephant in the room.
Two: they try to outdo you. Has there been a sudden spike in competitiveness towards you by one of your friends lately?
Do they talk over you correct you a lot or dismiss your ideas without good reason?
If so, your friend might be hiding some lingering feelings of resentment towards you.
This behaviour is the tell-tale sign of passive-aggressiveness, which they're using as an outlet for their anger towards you.
Three: they're overly critical of you.
Has your friend usually criticize things about you
they never had a problem with before? Do they make you feel like you're doing everything wrong lately? While it's true that constructive criticism
often comes from a place of love, honesty and respect,
It's no excuse for someone to say things that hurt your self-esteem and make you feel bad about yourself.
So while your friend might tell you that they don't mean any harm and that they're just trying to help
you can sense the hostility. They're hiding underneath it all.
Four: they act more defiant
Another tactic a lot of people use to repress their feelings and redirect their anger is through insubordination
They deliberately make mistakes they know will affect you. They don't try to help you with group tasks,
they take long doing their share of the work and insist on doing everything on their own or in their own way.
All because they're secretly still mad at you and want to antagonize you.
Five: they subtly try to pick fights.
Did they leave a mess for you to clean up or use your things without asking for permission?
Your friend or family member might feign innocence and act like they had no idea what they did would upset you, but don't be fooled.
They might be subtly trying to pick a fight with you.
They forget to remind you about important appointments or exclude you from social gatherings.
They're doing all these things to push your buttons because they want to make you as angry with them as they are with you.
Six: they seem more irritable. Are they quick to snap at you and get pissed off at the smallest of things?
They find a lot of your usual quirks annoying and get fed up with you more easily.
They treat you with sarcasm then leave veiled hostility and backhanded compliments.
They don't like it when you tease them and don't laugh at any of your jokes. If your friend is acting more irritable than usual
then it means that there's some underlying tension between you two and the issue is still unresolved.
Seven: they spend less time with you.
Would you want to spend time with someone you were cross with?
Probably not.
Avoidance is another form of passive aggression. If they stop texting you, they barely return your calls,
they tell you they're busy all the time and they cancel plans you've made together
it could be a sign that they're still holding on to their anger.
They've been hanging out more with their other friends lately and while they promise you they're not ignoring you or anything,
you still get the sense that they're avoiding you. This is because they might be angry with you
but don't quite know how to deal with it.
And eight: they're unusually quiet around you.
Your friend used to be so lively and chatty. Always spouting off one anecdote after another but now they barely speak to you.
They're not giving you the cold shoulder per see,
but they're definitely less talkative. They don't message or text you as much anymore. They don't initiate conversations with you.
They only respond with a few curt, but polite words.
And while they act just fine around everyone else, with you their spirits suddenly dampen.
They've stopped asking you for advice or turning to you for help about which outfit to wear or what show they should watch next
or what your plans are for this weekend?
Unresolved anger is a catalyst and damaging valuable relationships.
All these signs are a cry for help that they might be angry with you but don't know how to communicate it.
Pretending that nothing's wrong for the sake of avoiding conflict is seldom a good strategy for dealing with anger. Have you observed this behaviour
in anyone around you recently? You now understand why they might act the way they're acting.
Does it seem easier to spot the signs after watching this video? Do let us know in the comments below.
Also, remember to share this video with those you think might benefit from it. As always, thanks for watching.