Can’t get a guy because you seem desperate.
Can’t stop seeming desperate because you can’t get a guy.
Sound familiar?
Hi girls, I’m Amy North.
I’m a relationship expert and coach from Canada and I’m here to give the information
you need to get the love life you deserve.
This video is a long time coming.
I’ve seen it in every form.
It’s the one thing that ruins so many relationships before they start and I think that’s a shame.
Being excited about a guy is great!
The problem is excitement can sometimes look a lot like desperation.
And men can smell desperation from a mile away.
Even if he likes you and wants you, desperation can change everything.
First off, just what do I mean by desperate?
To be desperate is to be someone who will do anything to get a guy.
If you’re lonely, clingy, pathetic and above all else you feel like you have no hope of
ever getting a guy to stick around then you’re desperate.
Doesn’t sound very attractive, does it?
You may be saying “Amy, I don’t feel that way at all but I’ve still had people tell
me I come off as desperate.”
The truth is, sometimes women who aren’t desperate can come off that way and sometimes
people who seem super confident and secure are actually totally desperate deep down inside.
So this video is not just about trying to stop being desperate, it’s also about how
to avoid behaviours that men will see as desperate (even if they’re really not).
Here are some trademarks of a desperate dater:
You’re always available
This is the number one thing that can come off as desperate when it might just mean you’re
not having a busy week.
Women with flexible schedules or good time management are often labelled lonely or desperate
because they’re free to get together.
I think this is ridiculous.
Just because you like to lead a simple life doesn’t make you any more or less desperate.
Are people who work three jobs less desperate or are they just busy?
Having free time isn’t a crime but sadly, it can make your life look empty and therefore
have people thinking you’re lonely and desperate.
2.
You text too much
This is similar to number one.
If you’re texting him all the time, If you’re sending messages like “good morning, good
night, how was your weekend, how was your day” then you’re going to come off as
desperate.
Desperate daters will text when they have nothing to say, just to get that validation
that the other person still likes them.
For some of my best texting tips, go to AttractionTexts.com.
It’ll give you the perfect texts to send a guy to keep him interested without looking
needy or desperate.
It’s the secret to getting a guy without ever getting off the couch.
That’s AttractionTexts.com -- so head on over to that website to learn how to make
a man addicted to you through text messages.
3.
You’re Clingy If you’re trying to figure out where he
is all the time, who he’s with, and what he’s up to, then you’re going to seem
clingy and therefore desperate.
It’s good to be interested in what he’s doing but phrases like “text me when you
get home”, “where have you been?”, and “hey stranger” should be cut from your
vocabulary.
Desperate people need to know everything; confident people just want to listen and connect.
4.
You have low standards
If you’ll let him get away with murder, then he’s not going to value you.
Guys will test your boundaries early on so don’t let him get away with asking for nudes
at midnight, being overly flirty, or being an hour late for a date.
So the real question here is how do you stop coming off desperate?
Have more going on
Don’t respond to texts right away to give the impression that you’re not just waiting
by the phone.
Have hobbies and interests outside of work or school.
Guys want a girl who has more going on than just a relationship.
2.)
Don’t be too available
If you’re trying to make plans and he isn’t available one day, don’t say you can do
it any other time, any day of the week, rain or shine.
You need to strike a balance between easy-going and just plain lonely
3.)
Don’t rush
It’s not a race.
If your goal is to find someone to be with for the long term, what’s the rush?
Relationships build over time so don’t go into the second date expecting to spend the
weekend together and then get upset when he wants to call it a night.
And don’t push for a serious relationship too quickly.
4.)
Keep high standards
You may think that giving him what he asks for is a great way to get close to him.
It’s actually better to hold him to a high standard.
The right guy will see this as you valuing yourself and your time and he’ll work harder
to impress you.
So have boundaries.
Don’t let him flake on plans or change them last minute.
Don’t let “hanging out and watching netflix in his bedroom” be a first date.
This also goes for opinions.
Don’t compromise your beliefs and feelings just to make him like you.
It’ll end up having the opposite effect.
5.)
Don’t seek validation
Fishing for compliments, talking bad about yourself or being self-deprecating are huge
signs of low self esteem and desperation.
You need to give him the feeling that, while you like him and want him, you don’t need
his approval to feel whole.
This is so important because if he thinks that you’re insecure and constantly need
reassurance, then you’re not confident and you seem less valuable.
6.)
Let Him Chase You
If you’re always seeking him out, contacting him first or even asking him out, you’re
going to look desperate.
Sit back and let him be the one to chase you.
This is classic male-female psychology.
Once you use this psychological loophole against him, he’s going to start chasing you down
like a wild animal… and who wouldn’t want that in their lives?
7.)
Don’t cyber stalk
Okay this one comes with a caveat.
Feel free to google them, check them out on instagram, or facebook, whatever.
It’s good to know what you’re getting into.
The thing you’re trying to avoid is them knowing about it.
So don’t bring up the time their photo was in the local paper if you want to seem chill,
confident, and not desperate.
There are other ways for him to catch wise.
For instance, do you watch all of his instagram stories right away even though you don’t
follow him?
8.)
Be chill on social media
Keep the drama and attention-seeking off of social media.
This includes posting too many selfies (especially barely clothed), no posts about “cutting
toxic people out of your life”, and dial it back on the instagram stories.
Social media can be a great way to get noticed but make sure that what he’s noticing isn’t
how desperate you are.
9.)
Understand that it’s not a competition
If he spends four nights a week with his friends and one night a week with you, is that fair?
This depends on your mindset.
Early on in a relationship, spending too much time together is a bad move.
As things progress, it becomes more complex.
I’d advise you not to focus on how much time he spends with other people rather than
you.
Instead, ask yourself, “Are my needs being met?”
If they are, then there’s no reason to be upset.
If they’re not, look for ways to fulfill them outside of your relationship.
If he’s simply not there for you, this is a different issue and one you’ll have to
face going forward.
Just remember that you’re not in competition with his friends, his hobbies, and his job.
Your relationship is totally separate from that.
If he wants to go to a concert instead of hang out with you, this doesn’t mean he
likes Vampire Weekend more than he likes you.
10.)
Value yourself above a relationship
This is my number one tip and it’s really tough.
Many women report feeling less than whole without a relationship.
If this sounds like you, I recommend working on yourself before dating.
It’s important to find out what makes you special, what makes you happy and how to be
the best version of yourself before settling down.
You don’t need to be perfect but you should try to get on a path towards feeling comfortable
in your own skin.
Otherwise, you’ll bring that bad energy into your relationship.
In the end, being desperate stems from lacking confidence that you’re a valuable person
deserving of a great partner.
If you can feel better about yourself, the world will too.
Let’s review.
Desperation can wreck your relationship.
Being confident and laid back are the best ways to avoid seeming desperate.
The number one way to stop feeling desperate is to work on your own self worth.
There you have it.
Thanks for watching, Youtube.
Please like this video and subscribe to my channel for more videos that will outline
the do’s and don’ts of dating.
And please comment below if you feel like you used to be desperate but have overcome
it.
What helped you?
It just might help someone else too!