You also do this character, Bobby Bottleservice.
Yes.
(audience cheering)
You made an audition tape,
or Bobby Bottleservice made an audition tape,
for Jersey Shore, and I think you brought that.
Yes.
Let's take a look.
Oh, excuse me.
You call me in the middle of putting Vasoline
on my lips to keep them very kissable.
As you know, is audition to Bobby Bottleservice.
I'm a fierce competitor,
and that's why I'm perfect for Jersey Shore,
because I will win season two,
and I will take the money with those earnings
and buy cool stuff like a
for my grandmother, for example, in addition
to a gold jet-ski that she can drive home to
see my future children, like rest in peace.
And I would say also I will buy myself something cool,
like new calf muscles.
He's very likable.
Thank you.
I like Bobby. He's a likable guy.
What was your method?
How did you come up with Bobby Bottleservice?
It, it came about just living in LA.
There's a lot of beautiful women and
and not really knowing how to talk to them
and realizing that guys always hit on those girls
and the guys that are always hitting on those girls,
if you make fun of them,
then girls sort of identify with you.
So I would just be like, no, excuse me.
But like, dude, they date me like, oh, like
cause I would like to take you on an ideal day, like forest.
Like we would go swimming with the dolphins
like preferably Dan Marino.
And then I would like cook you breakfast
like an omelet with like goat cheese
cause like I care about food.
[Audience Laughing]
And then the catchphrase is just sending me.
I'm like, oh excuse me do date me.
I don't know why it was always speaking in the condition.
And the thing is, you came up with Bobby Bottleservice
before Jersey Shore.
Yes, yeah.
You were doing this character
before Jersey shore came along.
Yeah. And I, and then Jersey Shore came out and I was like
these guys are doing broader versions of this character.
[Audience Laughing]
I know you thought you were doing the most
cartoonish version of this character.
No, real people
Much more.
Who've got you beaten out.
Is this when you started doing standup in college?
Yeah, I did.
I did this thing my freshman year called the funniest act
on campus and it wasn't presumptuous.
No pressure there.
Yeah. That's great.
So I was like, I'm funny.
Like I was like my friends laugh
at me and in retrospect I was like, no
we were like smoking aspirin and dancing the NBA jam song.
Like we thought just about everything was pretty funny.
So, so I was like, my whole bit was I was going to get
on stage and be like, God
I thought it was going to be so nervous
but I'm actually totally relaxed.
And then I was gonna pee my pants and that was like
and then I'll just like riff.
Yeah. And I had one joke.
I had my, the first joke I ever wrote.
Sorry, so go ahead, the joke.
It's a, the joke was my girlfriend
and my mom are wearing the same perfume
which is kind of bugging me out because all of
a sudden I'm totally attracted to my girlfriend.
[Audience Laughing]
That's a great joke.
That's a good joke, a good joke.
So, so, so wait a minute.
So your act was you go out there,
I was gonna piss my pants
You go out there and you say, I'm totally calm.
I thought I'd be nervous, but I'm totally calm.
And then suddenly wet your pants.
Yes.
But how are you going to do that?
So I had, I was, the plan was to have a water balloon
and a pin and I was going to pop the pop, the water balloon.
And then it was like, I don't know, would have ended
up looking more like my water was breaking or something.
Yeah.
Just all at once all this water,
Yeah.
His bladder bursts.
So but I got nervous.
I was actually quite nervous before the show.
And so I got like a little drunk and then I showed up
at the show and I didn't have the water balloon or the pin.
So I'm rummaging around backstage and I find
You didn't bring the only two things
you needed make your one joke work.
Yeah. I love that.
Yeah, not the most responsible in the biz.
So I, so I find a sandwich bag and I take
out the sandwich and I fill it with water, but there's still
like flecks of like wheat bread floating around inside.
And, and I grab a pen and I get
on stage and I'm going to stand for, is that all right,
if I stand for this?
God, I thought it was going to be so nervous,
but I'm actually totally relaxed.
[Audience Laughing]
It just looked like
it just looked like I was like furiously masturbating
which is basically what I've been doing on stage.
[Audience Laughs]
That's how you handle your nerves.
It calms my nerves.