Hellooo everybody! If you've read my work, you already know dialogue is my bread and butter.
I love it! So when I see shitty dialogue advice floating around the internet,
I take notice in a big way. I’ve made a million videos about how to properly write dialogue,
and I plan to make a million more. But today, I am talking about the absolutely worst dialogue
advice I've seen around the internet and let me tell you…it's bad. It was hard to narrow it down,
but I am listing the 10 worst pieces of advice I have seen regarding writing dialogue. A sneak
peek, the eighth and ninth pieces of advice are the most common, unfortunately enough. And the
last piece of advice is the most outrageous, and ridiculous, and ungodly, and every other horrible
thing in this world. Let's dive in, shall we?
(The sound of a pen scratching.) LOGO.
Before we get started, I wanted to give all my love to Milanote for sponsoring today's video!
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I have a board dedicated to my current work in progress. I use it for world building. I use
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Zero dollars. Nothing. Nada. If you're ready to write some dialogue that doesn't suck,
sign up for Milanote for free using the link in the description below! And if you're really
hyped about them, check out the Pro subscription! That's what I use. Don't forget to subscribe to
my channel! I post new videos on Wednesdays, and if you want to be alerted as SOON as I upload,
ring that bell! The Savior’s Sister is available in audiobook right now,
so if you love dark fantasy and you love romance, you like some stab stab and some kiss kiss,
this is the book for you! Definitely check it out! And if you are new to Audible,
you can listen to TSS for free! I have it linked below. Now, it's time to break down the 10 worst
pieces of advice when it comes to crafting dialogue. Friendly reminder that this list
is completely sarcastic. Please, please, please do not implement any of these tips. They are the
worst! They're terrible. Don't do it! But these are actual tips that I have come across on the
interwebs, and it pains me that some people take them seriously. Number One (1): New character, new
voice. This is actually great advice. Every single character should have their own individual voice,
but a lot of writers take this one step too far. Or 10 steps too far... And you know what?
More power to them! Sure, everyone has a different voice, which means no two characters can share any
traits at all! If one character is funny, they're the only one allowed to be funny, damn it! If one
character cusses, they're the only one who gets to cuss. And if a character happens to tick more than
one box, God help ‘em! Characters don't get to be layered. We're looking for one dimension only,
and the dialogue needs to reflect that. On a complete opposite note, Number Two (2): All
the same voice. Because your style matters! I've seen a few writers, particularly newbies with an
inflated sense of self-worth, spouting the idea that your writing voice needs to be reflected in
all aspects of your story, including the dialogue. This is true when it comes to aspects like the
amount of dialogue, the importance of dialogue, or the type of dialogue that your readers can expect.
But the argument here is that your voice needs to be reflected in the dialogue itself, making every
character's voice…your voice. Okay! It's always a great idea to write a self-insert. Why not
write 20 of them? There are plenty of positives to writing your voice over and over again. First of
all, it's easy. You always know what you're gonna write! Who cares if the readers can't determine
one voice from the other? Who cares if the dialogue is repetitive and boring? And who cares
if it's not remotely realistic, because people are fucking different and speak fucking differently.
Number Three (3): Follow all the writing rules. All of them! It's not like vernacular is a thing
that exists. Look, you're writing a book. That means things like syntax and grammar
matter. And last time I checked, every single person speaks with proper syntax and grammar
at all times. What even is shorthand or slang? If it's a rule in your narrative, it's a rule in the
dialogue. Period. Will the dialogue sound clunky and unnatural? Obviously. Will it completely strip
your characters of their humanity? Of course! But rules are rules, even if the dialogue is
supposed to mirror actual speaking patterns. Minor technicality. Number Four (4): Write ze
accent! Want to offend an entire nationality while simultaneously annoying the shit out
of your readers? Well, have I got a solution for you! It's called writing out the accent instead of
simply describing it in the narrative. You know, like an idiot. If your character has an accent
typically based on race or region, it makes sense to describe the accent in the narrative
so your readers can imagine how it would sound. It doesn't make sense to completely misspell
all the words so your readers struggle to decipher bullshit dialogue until they get so frustrated
that they throw the book at the wall and give you a one star review. But that's what you're gonna do
anyway! You don't wanna be logical or correct, and you certainly don't want to be polite.
Who cares if people feel like you're turning their nationality into a caricature? You're an artist,
and artists are allowed to be assholes. J.K. Rowling deemed it so! Number Five (5): No cursing. “OMG,
if your character curses, like, no one is going to read the book.” No one in the real world cusses!
It's not like curse words are common vernacular used in everyday life. This is a really easy issue
to solve. Replace the swear words with equally powerful words, like for example, dummy, sissy,
turkey brain, big baby, no good rotten doody head. These exclamations pack such a punch! They
are perfect to shout in the middle of an argument, a heated battle, and especially a near-death
experience. Who hasn't yelled “Gee golly gosh!” when they were fearing for their life? Look,
I know curse words are realistic and relatable, but fiction isn't about relatability. It's making
sure that your grandma can read what you wrote without damning you to hell. Number Six (6): More
cushion for the pushing. I've seen the advice that every single line of dialogue should be cushioned
with narrative. Every, single line. Wow. Don't get me wrong, in many cases narrative plus dialogue
creates a visceral experience. Except when it doesn't. I've read books where every single line
that a character speaks is punctuated with some kind of description or, God forbid, an info dump.
Talk about drawing out a simple conversation for eons to the point where you can't even remember
what they were discussing in the first place… And you know what? That's my kind of storytelling!
I want dialogue to move at a snail's pace. I want to lose track of the discussion at hand. I want to
be lost in boredom and confusion. Please, by all means, interrupt this character building moment
and give us some useless world building. Number Seven (7): Do not use the contractions. If you
want to write a book, you should not use the contractions, even if a character is
speaking human words. This is important if you are writing a character who speaks in a proper manner.
For example, a princess. If you remove the contractions, they will sound like they are
speaking Old English. You do not need to utilize actual Old English, because that would require
work. As you can see, when you remove the contractions, the dialogue is very good and
it is very realistic. People speak in this way all of the time. It is a normal way to talk,
and I am a fan. Number Eight (8): Ejaculate. You know what makes dialogue even better? A fancy
dialogue tag! Said is dead. No character should be ‘saying’ anything. They should be exclaiming,
because the exclamation point didn't make that clear already. They should be replying,
reporting, objecting, or wailing. That's what adds passion to the story, certainly not the
characters, the plot, or the dialogue itself. I mean, really, if a character isn't ejaculating,
are they even speaking at all? Use the most colorful dialogue tags out there. It'll showcase
that you are for sure the best writer around…in the second grade…with access to a thesaurus.
On a similar note, Number Nine (9): Always use a dialogue tag. Every single line of dialogue
requires a tag at all times. So what if a reader can differentiate the characters based on their
voice? So what if the tags slow the pacing of the conversation? So what if repetitive tags
turn the conversation into a robotic mess? It's a rule, guys! Okay, actual real talk:
who said you always have to use a dialogue tag? I'm genuinely curious. I see this advice all the
time and I have no idea where it came from. It is so bad! And Number Ten (10): Don't write dialogue
at all. Did you know there are actual writers giving this advice online? “Dialogue is for
amateurs. The pros just build worlds and plots and don't allow the characters to speak. Ever. At all.
Period.” Holy shit! I've seen writers trying to follow this advice, so they trim their dialogue
down to two or three words, because those were the only words that were necessary. Never mind
the fact that that particular character is known for being loquacious and dialogue is all about
human speech and however that person fucking talks because people actually fucking talk. But no,
you can't write dialogue. It cheapens the work. It makes it clear that you're not a real literary
author. You're a genre author. And who wants to be a genre author? You write entertaining stories and
you earn the most out of all fiction writers. Thank God you found me! I just saved you from
a life of loyal readers and money! So that's all I got for you today! A huge thank you to Milanote
for sponsoring today's video! I have told you guys, I am obsessed with this platform. I use it
every single day. So if you want to craft better dialogue, if you want to brainstorm your story, if
you want to structure your novel, any of that good stuff, definitely check them out! Even better,
you can try Milanote for free right now! I've got a link in the description below. Don't forget to
subscribe to my channel! I post new videos on Wednesdays, and if you want to be alerted
as SOON as I upload, ring that bell. The Savior’s Sister is available in audiobook right now, and if
you are new to Audible, you can listen to it for free! I got it linked below. And be sure to follow
me on social media! I'm on Instagram, Tumblr, Facebook, BookBub, and of course, you can tweet
me @JennaMoreci! Bye!
(Lighthearted Female Voice) It's me, Pippa! Have you subscribed to Jenna's channel yet?
Oh, you must! It's so much fun! She talks about writing and heroism and romance…and sometimes
she says very naughty words. But I rather enjoy it! Subscribe to her channel, and ring the bell!