[laughing]
Hello.
I am Alan Cousteau.
[laughing]
I left the Calypso at... 0500 hours.
[laughing]
Alan?
[laughing]
- Hi, mom. - Hi, sweetheart.
Er, what is he doing?
He's playing Mommy On A Chair.
[laughing]
Well where's the chair?
I don't know the rules, Judith.
[laughing]
What's going on?
I'm mapping out all the dance studios
within a five mile radius of the coffee shop.
Why?
I can't stop thinking about that girl I met,
I have to find her!
Hmm, it's a shame you can't let your penis
sniff a piece of her clothing.
[laughing]
Pretty flowers.
Thanks.
Wanna stick them in something?
[laughing]
Alan, come here, quick!
Please, God, don't let it be a dead girl.
[laughing]
In consideration of the evening you have ahead of you,
I'm gonna let you have that one.
[laughing]
Yeah, these are the good times.
[laughing]
You know, people like you have been persecuting people like me
- for thousands of years. - Well, that's a bit hard to believe,
seeing as people like me have historically been victims and food.
[laughing]
Sorry.
Do you know what it's like to wake up every morning,
year after year and see the same stupid face lying next to you?
Ah, well, all I can tell you is what I told your daughter,
if you don't like it, roll over.
[laughing]
So... er so-- um, nobody makes you pancakes where you live?
[laughing]
Not your er... not your husband?
Boyfriend?
[laughing]
Girlfriend?
[laughing]
Mother... father... grandma?
Cell mate?
[laughing]
Woah, look who's getting busy!
[laughing]
Mr. Harper, we were just making out.
Yeah, we all know what happens after making out... making in and out.
[laughing]
The end of an era.
- Guess so. - Well you had a good run.
[laughing]
- Yep. - But now it's over.
[laughing]
Forever.
[laughing]
Nothing's gonna change, Alan.
Sure I'm gonna be married but I'm still gonna be the same guy
living in the same house with the same woman.
Yes, yes, the same woman.
Forever.
Pan integral tostado y un vaso de jugo de naranja.
- Muy bien. - Gracias.
Where did you learn to speak Spanish?
Junior high, high school, college,
two years of chiropractic school in Mexico.
[laughing]
Hey, Berta, morning.
Now you know, I hate to criticize
but the coffee filters you've been buying have chemicals in them.
[laughing]
And I love it!
[laughing]
[gasping]
I knew it, you're married!
Oh, oh, no, no, no, I'm not married, this is er... this is just a--
A silk evening gown!
Actually I think it's chiffon.
Chiffon
I'll tell you one thing, Charlie,
I would give anything to find someone I enjoy being with
who's close to my own age and who I can really connect with.
Look no further, Alan.
You've found her.
[laughing]
- You know what I am, Charlie? - Yes.
[laughing]
I am a pathological people pleaser.
Huh, I had an entirely different answer.
[laughing]
♪ Boss nova and his magic spell ♪
[laughing]
- Wake up, wake up, wake up! - I'm sorry, mom, I love you!
[singing]
- Alan. - Oh, golly!
- Charlie? - What?
I need your help.
[laughing]
[beeping]
[screaming]
Oh!
- Oh! - Oh!
Oh!
Happy anniversary, baby.
[laughing]
What the hell is wrong with you?
[laughing]
I don't know.