You want to know why?
I'm going to tell you why in this video,
so, stay tuned.
Hey there, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I'm an attorney, a narcissist negotiation expert and
in these videos, and on this channel,
I tell you how to effectively powerfully deal with narcissists.
If that's something that you want to do,
make sure that you subscribe to this channel and
hit that notification bell.
I'm going to tell you today why
you should stop defending yourself.
I know that sounds crazy and
I know that you want to, it's a natural reaction
when you feel attacked, when you get attacked and
especially when you're dealing with narcissists,
you are under constant attack, believe me.
I know, I've had to deal with a couple myself,
not just as a lawyer, obviously as a lawyer it's a constant barrage,
they love to use the court system as a sword,
it's maddening, it's maddening as an attorney by the way,
because you're constantly,
“Oh gosh, here comes another barrage of motions that they filed” and
you can't just pass them along to the client
because the client is freaking out too,
so, you have to make sure that
you explain what they are to the client as well.
So, as an attorney, it's not that funny either, by the way,
so yeah, when everything comes in from a narcissist,
whether it's a text, whether it's an email,
whether it's verbally,
what's your natural reaction?
You want to feel, what is going on here?
You feel hurt, you feel stung, you feel like offended,
that's not true, right?
You want to defend yourself, it's a natural reaction.
You want the world to know what the truth is and
you think it's not fair,
How's this happening?
How do they get away with this all the time? and
you want the world to know what the truth is,
it's a natural reaction.
But, here's the thing and
this is why I'm going to tell you not to do it and
listen, I've been attacked too,
I've been attacked on a personal level,
I've been attacked by narcissists,
I've been attacked on this channel,
I mean, I get attacked all the time as well.
Okay, so I'm going to tell you to stop defending yourself
the way that you think that you should
when there are ways that you can powerfully
make sure that the truth comes out,
but not the way that you think,
because the way that you want to come back at it,
makes you look like the victim and
makes you look like there's something to be ashamed of,
that you're the victim in some way and
that’s why I tell you to stop defending yourself
in the way that you want to.
So let me, let me just give you an example,
I heard actually, this is really, really interesting,
I was recently interviewed by a guy named Ed Mylett on his podcast,
which you could definitely check out.
Right after that, a friend of mine was listening to his podcast and
he was interviewing John Edward, who is a known psychic.
My friend was listening to him because
her daughter who was very, very close to us passed away,
she was 18 years old.
We were pregnant together,
my daughter who's now 19, was her best friend,
they were like sisters and so,
we've been listening to this because of,
his ability, regardless of what you think,
we believe that he has this ability to reach people
who have crossed over and
so we were listening to his podcast with John Edward and
John Edward was talking about these constant attacks that he gets and
he was saying, I don't defend myself, I know my truth.
He said “I don't defend, I explain”
“I'll explain myself, but I know my truth” and honestly,
I'm going to sit here and I'm going to tell you that
even explaining is a little bit of a dangerous territory.
I say never explain, justify or overshare.
When you're responding the emails,
don't even try to justify yourself.
You can respond, but you don't need to explain,
you don't need to justify, you don't need to overshare.
I remember one time I was being attacked by a group of people and
I was talking to somebody and they were saying,
it's not what they're saying, it's how it lands for you
because people are going to say whatever they're going to say, right?
But, if they say something and you know it's not true,
like just to give you an example,
if they say something like, “Oh, you're a banana”,
you would be like “Well, that's ridiculous, I know I'm not a banana”,
so ridiculous; so it really is how it lands for you,
if you know your truth, then it really doesn't matter.
So, I want you to know that when you defend yourself,
you really saying, I’m giving this other person power,
I'm giving them control, I'm saying I'm a victim and
I don't want you to do that anymore,
I don't want you to give that person control,
I want you to have the narcissist lose control and
I have a whole video on what it looks like
when a narcissist loses control and it ain't pretty.
You can definitely check it out if you'd like.
It ain't pretty, and it's great!
You are the one who wants to turn those tables on the narcissists,
you are the one who wants to live in your power and live in your truth.
So, there are certain things that are not going to be negotiable
when you go to negotiate.
You know what’s not negotiable when you go to negotiate?
Your self-worth, your self-respect, those things aren't negotiable and
when you are responding and you know your truth,
you respond from a powerful place.
So, you respond by presenting,
you respond by explaining, but you never defend, okay?
There's a huge difference in your mindset and
so, I want you to say, I live my power,
I live my truth, I know my truth,
There are certain things that are just not negotiable
so you can present, you can explain,
but you're going to stop defending yourself right now.
Alright, so if you would like to have a free copy of
my free “Crush my negotiation” prep worksheet,
you are welcome to have that at winmynegotiation.com.
You are certainly welcome to join my free private Facebook group,
“Narcissists Negotiators with Rebecca Zung”.
I'd love to have you in there as well.
If you like this video, give it a like, give it a share,
drop me that comment, “I know my truth” and
I invite you to subscribe to this channel,
hit that notification bell.
I am Rebecca Zung.
Thank you so much for stopping by.
Remember, today's a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I will definitely see you in the next video.