♪ ♪ ♪ >> James: GOOD EVENING LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE "LATE LATE SHOW."
HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOUR WEDNESDAY.
WE HAVE A FUN SHOW PLANNED FOR TONIGHT.
LATER WE'LL BE TALKING TO THE LEGENDARY GLORIA STEINEM.
THEN, SALLY HAWKINS AND CRAIG ROBERTS WILL BE STOPPING BY FOR
A CHAT.
AND FINALLY A MUSIC PERFORMANCE FROM CONAN GRAY, DO YOU KNOW
WHAT THIS MEANS, IT MEANS THE SHOW, DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT MEANS,
REG, JAM-PACKED.
>> Reggie: YEAH.
>> James: JAM-PACKED, JAM-PACKED SHOW.
>> Reggie: YEAH.
>> James: OR DO YOU CALL IT JELLY PACKED IN AMERICA.
DO YOU SAY JELLY PACKED OR JAM-PACKED.
>> MORE PEOPLE SAY JELLY PACKED.
>> James: WHAT EVEN IS JAM SO AN AMERICAN?
>> I THINK JAM IS MORE WITH FRUIT AND JELLY HAS -- GEL AT
NOWS.
>> James: I-- I RED-- IT WAS AN AWFUL COMMENT, WHO KNEW THIS
WOULD BE THE THING THAT THE BAND WAS ABSOLUTELY JUMP IN WITH BOTH
FEET.
IF I ASKED THEM ABOUT THE VICE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE, YEAH, NO,
IT WAS ALL RIGHT.
>> JAM AND JELLY, WHOOO.
>> UH-HUH.
>> James: YOU JUMP IN, DO YOU JUMP IN.
>> >> Reggie:
>> James: JUMP INITIATED.
OF COURSE THERE ARE STILL CONCERNS ABOUT DONALD TRUMP'S
HEALTH SO EARLIER THIS EVENING THE PRESIDENT RELEASED A VIDEO
TO PROVE THAT HE IS DOING WELL.
AND HERE HOW IT STARTED OUT.
>> HI, PERHAPS YOU RECOGNIZE ME, IT IS YOUR FAVORITE PRESIDENT.
AND I'M STANDING IN FRONT OF THE OVAL OFFICE AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
WHICH IS ALWAYS AN EXCITING PLACE TO BE.
>> James: GOOD FOR YOU, HE IDENTIFIED HIMSELF.
I SAW THE VIDEO AND I THOUGHT IT WAS-- IS IT JUST ME OR IS TRUMP
LOOKING ESPECIALLY ORANGE?
IN THIS VIDEO?
LOOK.
WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU-- .
♪ GENUINELY THAT IS WHERE MY-- WHERE MY MIND WENT.
I DON'T LIKE THE LOOK OF IT.
>> OOMPA LOOMPA I'M GOING TO PASS ON COVID TO YOU.
>> James: AND THEN MIKE PENCE IS LIKE, I DON'T LIKE THE LOOK
OF IT.
♪ ALTHOUGH IT IS NICE TO SEE THE FAKE COLOR, RETURN TO HIS FACE,
STRONGER THAN EVER.
WHILE RAMBLING ABOUT HOW THE-- ARE IN THE HOSPITAL, THE
PRESIDENT WENT ON TO PROMISE EVERY AMERICAN FREE ACCESS TO
THOSE SAME DRUGS.
HAVE A LOOK.
>> I WANT EVERYBODY TO BE GIVEN THE SAME TREATMENT AS YOUR
PRESIDENT.
BECAUSE I FEEL GREAT.
I FEEL LIKE, PERFECT.
>> James: I MEAN LOOK AT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE COLOR OF
HIS HAND.
>> Reggie: OH MY GOD.
>> James: AND THE FACE, LOOK.
I DON'T-- WHO IS DOING THE MAKEUP.
>> I MAYBE THEY ARE EIGHT FEET AWAY WITH A FIRE HOSE.
>> James: IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK IT IS?
BUT AT NO POINT DOES ANYONE GO SHOULD WE DWO THE HANDS, NO, I
NEVER USE THEM FOR TALKING.
I NEVER, YOU BARELY SEE THEM, I NEVER, REALLY, I'M NOT A BIG
HAND GUY.
I AM JUST CONSTANTLY-- YOU SEE THE HANDS, WOULDN'T YOU, IT
MAKES ME WORRY ABOUT MY MAKEUP.
IS IT-- OH NO, LET'S SEE.
YEAH, CAN I SEE IT IN THE MONITOR IT IS NOT AS BAD BUT-- I
MEAN I WILL BE HONEST, I REGRET GOING ON THIS NOW BECAUSE I AM
IN A GLASS HOUSE.
WHILE RAMBLING ABOUT HOW THE DRUGS THEY HAD GIVEN HIM IN THE
HOSPITAL, THE PRESIDENT WANT ON TO PROMISE EVERY AMERICAN FREE
ACCESS TO THOSE SAME DRUGS.
TAKE A LOOK.
>> I WANT EVERYBODY TO BE GIVEN THE SAME TREATMENT AS YOUR
PRESIDENT.
BECAUSE I FEEL GREAT.
I FEEL LIKE, PERFECT.
I WANT TO GET TO YOU WHAT I GOT.
AND I'M GOING TO MAKE IT FREE.
>> James: GREAT, NOW THAT YOU GIVE THE FULL PRESIDENTIAL
EXPERIENCE, DOES THAT MEAN WE DON'T HAVE TO-- EITHER.
BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
YOU HEARD HIM, FOLKS.
THE DRUGS ARE GOING TO BE FREE.
AND MEXICO IS GOING TO PAY FOR IT.
AND EVEN MORE RAMBLING, TRUMP TRIED TO END THE VIDEO ON AN
OPTIMISTIC NOTE.
YOU TELL ME.
>> YOU ARE GOING TO GET BETTER FAST JUST LIKE I DID, SO A
BLESSING IN DISGUISE.
GOOD LUCK.
>> James: AND YOU'RE GOING TO NEED IT BECAUSE LET'S BE HONESTK
GOOD LUCK IS PRETTY OF THE ENTIRE TRUMP HEALTH-CARE PLAN.
EVEN THOUGH THE PRESIDENT STILL IS BACK IN THE OVAL OFFICE, MORE
LIKE OVAL COUGH-ICE.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
>> James: THAT'S THE ONE, THAT'S THE ONE.
YOU DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU JUST WITNESSED.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU JUST WITNESSED, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU
WITNESSED?
A TAKE DOWN.
WE TOOK HIM DOWN.
HE CAN'T WIN THE ELECTION NOW, PUT HIM DOWN.
NOT EVERYONE IS READY TO INTERACT WITH DONALD TRUMP
BECAUSE YESTERDAY JOE BIDEN SAID THAT NEXT WEEK'S DEBATE SHOULD
NOT BE HELD IF TRUMP IS STILL INFECTED WITH THE CORONAVIRUS.
DOES THIS EVEN NEED TO BE SAID.
ISN'T IT OBVIOUS.
THIS IS LIKE SAYING KEANU REEFS LOVES TURTLE NECKS.
YES, WE KNOW THIS, THIS IS NOT NEW INFORMATION BUT TRUMP
DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHY BIDEN WOULD BACK OUT OF THE SECOND
BAIT.
WELL, I HAD COVID LAST TIME AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE SO.
I THOUGHT I WOULD GET MORE.
THAT WAS MY FAVORITE JOKE.
THAT IS A REAL.
>> YOU WERE FLYING HIGH ON THAT ONE IN REHEARSAL.
REALLY WERE.
>> James: OVER ZOOM, THAT FLEW N PERSON, [BLEEP].
>> I THINK TOMORROW PEOPLE ARE GOING TO-- IT WILL HIT AND
PEOPLE WILL.
>> James: MAYBE I STUMBLED.
DID I STUMBLE ON THE.
>> KEANU REEVES TURTLE NECKS, WHAT?
THIS ISN'T NEW INFORMATION, WE KNOW THIS BUT TRUMP DOESN'T
UNDERSTAND WHY BIDEN WOULD-- AHHH.
>> MAYBE YOU NEED A-- .
>> James: YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT!
>> HE JUST SAY-- [BLEEP].
>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
LIKE I WAS SAYING WA, ABOUT KEANU REEVES WEARING TURTLE
NECKS, THIS IS NOT NEW INFORMATION.
HE KNOWS IT BUT TRUMP DOESN'T BUT TRUMP DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHY
BIDEN WOULD BACK OUT OF A SECOND DEBATE.
HE WAS LIKE, “WELL I HAD COVID LAST TIME AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN
NOTICE, SO.” (
♪ ♪ ♪ THE LAUGH IS TOO BIG NOW, THAT
IS TOO BIG.
IN THE EDIT, IN THE EDIT THAT IS TOO BIG.
I MEAN-- THAT IS TOO MUCH.
OKAY.
WHAT ABOUT KEANU REEVES THOUGH, AND THOSE TURTLENECKS, RIGHT?
>> Reggie: YEAH.
>> James: WHAT ABOUT THE TURTLENECKS.
>> YEAH.
>> James: NO, THAT IS TOO MUCH!
GUYS, THIS IS WHY-- TRUMP DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHY BIDEN
WOULD BACK OUT OF A SECOND DEBATE.
IT IS LIKE WELL I HAD COVID LAST TIME AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE.
SO SHALL-- (LAUGHTER)
OF COURSE, THE ONE AND ONLY VICE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE OF THE 2020
CAMPAIGN WAS HELD TONIGHT IN SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH.
OR AS MIKE PENCE CALLS IT, “SIN CITY.”
(
LIKE.
YOU'LL NOTICE THE PLEXIGLASS BARRIERS.
IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S EITHER A DEBATE STAGE, OR THAT PART OF
THE BANK WHERE YOU GO TO TALK ABOUT REFINANCING.
(
ON HAVING A PLEXIGLASS BARRIER FOR EACH CANDIDATE.
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY'RE CALLING THAT?
A “PENCE FENCE.” >> Reggie: YES!
AND FINALLY, EARLY THIS MORNING A CNN JOURNALIST REPORTING FROM
THE WHITE HOUSE LAWN WAS DISTRACTED FROM HIS BROADCAST BY
HAVING TO FEND OFF WILD RACCOONS.
HAVE A LOOK.
>> AAHHH!
-- .
>> James: I HONESTLY THINK THAT THE WHITE HOUSE HAS GONE
TOO FAR WITH NAIR ATTACKS ON THE PRESS.
I DO.
THE WILD RACCOONS CAME RIGHT UP TO THE
THE WILD RACCOONS CAME RIGHT UP TO THE REPORTER DURING THE
BROADCAST.
SO, CLEARLY, THE RACCOONS ON THE WHITE HOUSE GROUNDS AREN'T
AFRAID OF HUMANS.
BUT TAKE A LOOK AT THIS ONE RACCOON, HE CLEARLY HAS TO GO
NEAR THE OVAL OFFICE.
(
THAT THAT IS REAL.
(LAUGHTER) (LAUGHTER)
(LAUGHTER) SEE IT AGAIN.
>> Reggie: THERE IS SOMETHING OFF ABOUT IT.
>> James: THERE IS SOMETHING OFF ABOUT IT.
>> Reggie: LOOK AT IT.
>> James: THAT GRAPHIC, THAT GRAPHIC HAS BEEN-- ALL DY, ALL
DAY WE'VE REHEARSED THE MONO AND BOTH TIMES WE HAVE DONE IT, THE
TBRASK IS NOT QUITE READY YET.
AND HOW DID IT TAKE THAT LONG.
(LAUGHTER) THERE IS NO WAY THAT CAN BE--
THERE IS NO WAY, NO WAY.
WELL, THERE IT IS.
THE END OF THE MONO.