Hey it's Clayton.
In this video, I’m going to talk about how to make a man chase you, how to attract a
man and position yourself as a valuable sexy desirable woman who's worthy of being chased
by the guy that you desire.
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Now the first secret that I've got for you on how to make a man chase you, I borrowed
from folks that have broken hearts.
And I've worked with a lot of individuals, a lot of women, a lot of men that have been
broken up with, divorced and what I've noticed is it's very easy for those people to slide
into another relationship very quickly – possibly prematurely.
And from the outside, one can look at it and say; “Okay well what's going on there is
it that, you know, are they just a rebound?”
“Are they a serial monogamist?”
“Is it that they don't want to be alone so they're just jumping into another relationship?”
And all those things may or may not be true but if we write it off and we don't slow down
and actually look at what's happening, what's making this person so sticky that they're
able to just attract another person so quickly and jump into a relationship?
Well the concepts that I believe is revealed here is this idea of creating a vacuum: So,
the first step to make a man chase – to Create a Vacuum.
And how you create a vacuum is by having your life set up in a way, both externally and
internally, where you have room for another consciousness - another person's presence
to enter.
What we see in people that have been divorced or broken up with is that they have a life
that now has a space – it's the silhouette of another person.
Perhaps their house is set up where they have room for another person, their time and their
hobbies and their activities are set up where they've got space where they used to spend
it with another person.
And it can be very easy for another man or woman to come into their life and fit perfectly
into place because their environment is set up for another person to enter.
I've worked with coaching clients, women, in the past who have very busy lives.
They live they work 60 hours a week.
They’re executives.
They have very full calendars and they want a relationship, yet they're unwilling to coordinate
and change their life in a way that allows space for a man or any down time for a man
to come into their life.
So, when on a tactical level, if you've got a single bed, it might be time to upgrade
to a queen.
If you've got one comfy chair in your living room, it might be time to upgrade and get
two chairs.
If you've got one table in the dining room table, get two chairs rather than one.
Set your environment up sector.
Set your time up so you can make it easy for someone to come into your life and for life
to work rather than having to make these big shifts where suddenly it feels like your identity
is under threat to be in a relationship with another person.
One of the biggest complaints I hear from women who are single and wanting a guy to
chase them is they are unwilling to give up the identity that comes along with having
a full life of being fiercely independent, of being fiercely successful.
And you see maybe you don't have to give up your independence, maybe you don't have to
give up for success and you can still have some room in your environment for a man to
come in and feel like you've got time for him.
And make him feel like he's important enough for you.
This next concept is the Internal Vacuum.
Internal vacuum comes from your heart.
When someone's broken up with, they have an open heart.
They're extremely typically connected to themselves.
They're connected to the way that they feel.
They're very introspective.
And life is like a tragic poem and it's that romanticism, it's that belief and love, it's
that deep feeling that magnetically draws people to you.
And in some cases, I'm sure, people are attracted to someone that feels like they need fixing
or needs saving and sometimes relationships happen that way.
But on a positive side of things, I would say that a woman with an open heart, a woman
that has space in her heart for another man to penetrate her emotionally, is very attractive
and very worthy of chasing.
Because within her heart, she holds a space for another man to enter her and she can be
impacted and influenced by him.
And she can influence and impact him and guys smell and guys can see that.
And it allows a man to see a vision of himself with you when these internal and external
spaces are created.
This next concept which is concept number two is Allow Yourself to Be Impacted.
Allowing yourself to be impacted by anybody in your life is one of the greatest gifts
that you can give anybody.
I'm a firm believer that at the core of our identities we all want to matter.
We all want to know that we exist and what better way or what better affirmation to know
that we exist than to see the impact that we have on others, to see the impact that
our existence has on others.
So as a woman when you can open yourself up to be influenced by the man that you desire
to be impacted mentally, emotionally by him and to be able to clearly communicate to him
that you feel you're being impacted.
And the effect that it's having on you, it's a major compliment and on the guy side what
he experiences if he experiences these crazy wild phenomena of feeling seen, of feeling
gotten, a feeling like there's value that he has and is able to give you and any man
wants that.
Any man wants to feel that they can have an effect on the partner.
There's nothing more of a turn-off than feeling like there's no room, again psychologically,
mentally, emotionally, physically, for you and the other person's life.
So, allowing yourself to be impacted and influenced by the guy that you're with by maybe his stories,
by his character, by the things that you respect about him.
And being able to openly communicate that to him is a compliment.
It doesn't come across desperate.
It just shows that you've got a keen eye and that you are perceptive, and that you're vulnerable,
and that you have high enough self-esteem to be able to give somebody a deep compliment
which communicates a lot about you.
And positions you, as a woman, that is worthy of being chased.
This is also true if we put the shoe on the other foot as well of allowing yourself to
put something at risk in the interactions with him.
And what that means is making sure you're giving him the chance to be impacted by you.
So, what I'm curious about when I'm on dates with women is what is it about them that makes
them, them?
What are they proud of?
What are some of the challenges that they've overcome in the past that have sculpted who
they are and how they see the world?
And what have they learned?
What are some things that they really value?
What is life about for them?
And the more that you feel comfortable revealing these types of things and bringing that part
of your psychology, that we so often hide from people until we feel like we've got to
get to know them so well, you show up as someone who's confident.
You show up with someone who is a core level of self-esteem and confidence that it's just
really attractive because then the guy begins to not only respect you but he gets to be
able to see your courage and he can also begin to see that you are a real person.
And that you actually set yourself apart from all the other woman that he's dating, who
are just so obsessed with playing the game right.
And perhaps going on interview style dates and not really putting anything at risk, not
really putting themselves into the interaction.
The next tip on how to make a man chase you is to Give Him the Green Light While Maintaining
Boundaries.
So, this is actually a play of two opposites that create this cocktail of magnetic attraction
in your dynamic with him and I'll go into what each one means.
So, when you're able to give the green light to a guy what you do is you relieve him of
the doubt that he might not get you.
You relieve him of the accusation inside of his mind that he's not good enough.
Men are incredibly fearful of not being good enough and they are not going to pursue a
woman that they don't feel they have a chance of being able to catch.
So, giving the man the green light is smiling.
It's being flirtatious.
It's expressing your interest.
It's expressing your respect towards him, being playful in the sense that you are teasing
him and that you are allowing the “little girl” to come out on your dates with him
to where he gets to see the authentic real you that's underneath the adult that tries
to act like she's-got-it-all-together and that's sexy.
Men want to see that men respect a strong woman but they fall in love with the “little
girl” side of you.
Because it's the side of you that they want to protect it's a side of you that they want
to love and give unconditional love to and it’s a side of you that they really begin
to see a future with.
Now this green light also has to be balanced with your ability to have strong boundaries
as well.
And having strong boundaries means having boundaries around when you sleep with a guy,
having boundaries around on how you will allow yourself to be talked to, having boundaries
around the things that you do on first dates, the things that the ways that you live your
life, your opinions, the values that you honor that allow you to respect yourself.
You can see when you've got these strong boundaries and you know clearly who you are and you have
integrity around them, it actually allows you to be more playful it allows you to be
more flirtatious, to be sexy, to be sensual and to have fun with the guy in a way where
you feel safe because you feel safe.
Because you know that you will uphold these boundaries and within the container, right?
Within the container of your boundaries, you can be as sexy and playful and flirtatious
as you want knowing where the line is for yourself.
The women that I come across that have the hardest time being sexy and flirtatious and
completely relaxed and comfortable are the ones that actually don't know their boundaries.
And it's that lack of boundaries that cause them to feel unsafe in their interactions
with men because they secretly don't know whether they would be able to draw the boundaries
that they are in a situation that “I got pushed too far” or, they don't know really
how the guy is going to react if they put the boundary up.
And they're putting the man's reaction to them as a priority over their own self-respect
which actually doesn't create an environment or a territory for them to be super playful
and flirtatious and sexy and charming and relaxed.
Think about how you are with your friends.
Think about how you are with the women in your life that you love.
I'm sure there's you probably very cool, very comfortable, very funny and one of the things
that allows you to do that is you really just know who you are with them and you know where
you stand with them.
And so, when you can bring that dynamic of knowing who you are, knowing what you stand
for, having values around yourself in the dating context, it allows you to be more comfortable.
You create that territory for you to be more authentic in these interactions with these
men.
With the men that you date and ultimately give them a clear view much more quickly into
who you are and just how cool of a woman you are that is worthy of being chased and desired.