CEUs on Attachment and Self Esteem ALLCEUs.com/Attachment-CEU
hey there everybody and welcome to this video on
five tips for creating a secure relationship with yourself i'm your host dr donnelly snipes
a secure relationship with ourselves helps us feel safe it helps us identify our thoughts needs and
feelings in the moment and respond appropriately when we are securely attached with ourselves
we know that we are going to consistently be mindful of our thoughts wants and needs
we're going to respond appropriately to those thoughts wants and needs we will validate our
thoughts wants and needs and encourage ourselves to do things that are in our best interest we
will provide a safe loving environment so when we make mistakes when we have failures we are still
accepting of ourselves as lovable albeit fallible and we pay attention to ourselves we learn what
we like and we actually enjoy spending time with ourselves figuring out kind of what makes us tick
so what are some tips to develop this secure attachment sounds easier than it may be
mindfulness is the first one and i know i talk about mindfulness a lot
but in order to create a secure attachment you have to pay attention you have to be
aware of your thoughts wants and needs so setting a push notification in your phone
to do mindfulness check-ins three times a day can be really helpful and just check in with yourself
think how am i feeling physically how am i feeling emotionally what are my thoughts right now and
what do i need in order to improve the next moment that's all very simple straight to the point
but that'll help you become more aware of your thoughts wants and needs in the moment
validate and respond to your thoughts wants and needs if you are in a meeting and you're thinking
oh my gosh this is dreadfully boring all right you feel bored right now there's nothing wrong
with that that's how you feel now respond by identifying what can i do to improve the next
moment probably not appropriate to get up and walk out of the room but you can respond for example by
doodling on a piece of paper or reminding yourself that the meeting will be over in 20 more minutes
but you're validating how you're feeling you're not telling yourself that you should feel this
way or you shouldn't feel this way you're just acknowledging okay it is what it is now what do
i do about it replace critical self-talk with words of encouragement instead of listening to
that voice in the back of your head that says you can't do that or why would you want to try the
person who is securely attached to themselves provides themselves with a cur encouragement
they say okay i've never done this before but heck let's give it a try what's the worst that
can happen or they give themselves encouragement after a failure reminding themselves that hey at
least you tried or what can we learn from this you're still lovable it doesn't mean
that you're a failure it means that you're not so good at whatever you just failed at
regularly remind yourself and your inner child that you are not your actions or thoughts
you can fail at something it doesn't mean you're a failure you can make a bad choice or you can
behave badly it doesn't mean you're a bad person it means you acted badly and you can make amends
for that you can learn and move on from it but it doesn't mean you're a bad person so
separating the difference is really important and finally practice the loving-kindness meditation
with your inner child there's a part of all of us that is formed of with
all of those memories from childhood for some people it's a very happy inner child
for other people it is a very sad or scared inner child whatever your inner child is practice
the loving kindness meditation every single day thinking to yourself i wish for you to have health
safety and contentment and send those thoughts send those energies to that child
like a bubble that will envelop them and help them feel safe and comforted
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secure attachment helps us develop self-esteem emotion regulation and relationship skills
secure attachment with self is where it all starts knowing who you are as a person
is essential to knowing what you like what you want what's going to make you happy
being aware of your thoughts wants and needs in the moment is essential to helping you feel safe
if you ignore your thoughts wants and needs then there's a part of you that's going to be going
ah we're not getting our needs met it's not safe so it's essential that you are aware of them
and you feel capable of managing those thoughts wants and needs in the moment you're not afraid
of your feelings you're not afraid of your thoughts you feel capable and confident
other videos on the doc snipes channel that might be of use attachment a lot
of people who don't have secure attachment with self also have abandonment issues so
you can find information about that at doc snipes dot com slash attach
a self-esteem video docsnipes.com self-talk and a video on mindfulness if you're not sure
how to start practicing doc snipes dot com slash awareness if you're a therapist a ceu
course on this topic can be found at doc snipes dot com slash attachment dash ceu