[Picks up Carmilla’s underwear]
Eugh. I am starting to miss having Perry around.
[Laura picks up a necklace and puts it on]
So,
with Carmilla and JP researching mystical weapons on campus—
of which there are an alarming number, actually—
I have decided it is time to tackle my scholastic progress or...
lack thereof by having a little conversation with my— [knock at the door]
[Danny enters]
Hey, Laura.
Uh, Perry said you needed to talk to me?
My Lit TA.
Hey, Danny.
You look good.
Thanks.
And you’re still filming.
Even after what happened to LaFontaine.
Oh, god. Are you still watching?
Oh, no, no. Uh,
not after the library.
I worry too much.
Well, I’m glad that you still care.
But if you aren’t watching, then how’d you know about LaFontaine?
Oh, I ran into them in the hall.
Yeah, it’s not good.
Uh, so...
I was kind of hoping that I could ask you something.
Yeah. Of course.
The immediate thing of all this is that it has been very stressful.
Yeah. I know.
I haven’t exactly seen you in class lately.
Yeah.
About that.
Can I have an extension on my term paper?
What?
Just for, like, a week, until the big soul-sucking ritual I have to thwart is over.
[Silence]
What?
Three days?
[Sighs]
Oh my god.
I can’t believe I thought… No, instead,
you had me come all this way because
you can’t stay on top of your homework?
Seriously? Trying to save four people isn’t worth three days?
And, wait, can’t believe you thought what?
Nothing.
Did you think that I invited you over here so that we could…?
No, not anymore I don’t!
I can’t believe your nerve.
Can’t believe my nerve? I’m not the one being unfair and vindictive!
Well, you’re not the one who got thrown over for Elvira, mistress of the snark!
Okay, that is so unfair.
No, you know what?
I’m not having this conversation.
If you can’t keep your supernatural affairs in order long enough to get your assignments done,
that’s your business.
[Danny starts to leave]
Come back never.
This place was cleaner when you were tied up.
[To Laura]
Don’t call me again.
[Danny leaves]
Oh my god, she hates me.
Danny hates me and I’m gonna fail my Lit course.
Please tell me you’re having better luck with the mystical weapon situation.
Mmm, not so much.
[Laura sighs]
Ascalon, an enchanted spear that kills dragons, but only if you’re a Christian saint.
The scepter of Kerykeion will heal them.
The holy hand grenade of Antioch would be perfect for an influx of monstrous rabbits.
Wait, what about this one?
The Blade of Hastur, forged from
the burnt bones of Star Spawn and meant to shatter all that oppose it. Yeah, that’s…
No.
Why no?
Well, it’s sealed into the face of a cliff in an underwater cavern, like, a thousand feet below sea level.
Nobody could survive that, which is probably the point.
We just need something a little less epic quest and little more
borrowed-from-the-museum-of-warfare-and-atrocities.
Maybe a nice bazooka…
I could get it.
What?
The sword. I could get it.
Pressure depth and nitrogen narcosis aren’t really itches for a vampire.
That would be…
I mean, you’d be risking your life and if your mother found out she would…
Yeah, well,
my mother fed the only person I cared about to a monster and
maybe I don’t feel like letting that happen again.
Wow, that’s…
I mean, I know that you’re not just doing it for me, but seriously…
Don’t be an idiot.
Of course I’m doing it for you.
[Carmilla gets up and approaches Laura]
Where’d you get that?
I found it here. I thought that you left it for me…
Get it off!
What?
[Necklace burns her hand] Ah!
But…
[Laura convulses and falls forward]
Laura.
Hey, n-n-n-n-no. Laura!
[Possessed Laura stands up and cracks her neck]
Mother.
[The Dean]
Hello, sweetheart. I thought it was time we had a little talk.