In today's world
the word "own" has a negative connotation.
It's become such a dirty word,
the chances are when you saw the title of this episode,
You felt a minor shock wave of distrust towards me.
The first thing you thought was:
"Maybe she has crossed over to the dark side."
Own People!
Ownership is associated with possession.
But the problem with this
is that possession has a light side and a dark side.
And the dark side of possession,
is not actually inherent to the actual concept
of ownership, or possession,
it's an additive that is created by the limitation
of human consciousness.
To possess something is to have that thing,
in then it belongs to you.
It is actually the positive side of possession.
It is an inclusion based concept.
To love something is to take it as a part of yourself.
This means, it automatically belongs with and to you
and so you have it.
Where possession goes dark
is that the negative side of possession,
is the meaning that once you have something
you have complete and total control over it.
But what if I told you
this actually has nothing to do with possession in and of itself.
It's that mankind's limited consciousness
equates something belonging
with you and to you,
and having it as automatically meaning,
you can completely control it.
In other words,
unawakened men simply decided at the mercy of their own fears,
and therefore impulse towards power,
that to have something meant to control it completely.
But this is in fact the opposite of true ownership.
If you have a negative association
with the concept of ownership,
it's because you yourself
experienced the shadow aspect of possession.
Which means you weren't actually owned.
Somebody treated you as an object
in their reality.
You were not a part of them, and so you were powerless
and your best interests were never seen or cared for.
You have never experienced true ownership.
To truly own something is to see that thing
as a part of yourself.
Now if something is a part of you, you can't hurt it,
without hurting yourself.
You can't usurp its free will without hurting yourself.
And so the well being
and the best interest of that thing is of the utmost concern,
with genuine ownership.
When we don't own people as part of ourselves
we feel no responsibility to them,
we take ourselves to be totally separate from each other,
we think of them as other.
We are in fact more at risk of playing a zero-sum game
where we are looking to win and for them to lose.
We become self-centered,
and are only in relationships as a transaction,
or a means to an end.
We are not in relationships for connection itself.
Where to have that connection we must
see, feel, hear and understand the other person.
To explain this dynamic further,
I'm gonna highlight an aspect of our society
where throwing out the concept of ownership,
has done extreme amounts of damage to the relationship between two people
(men and women).
For thousands of years
women were seen as property.
Just like a man owning land.
And as such,
that man had ownership over the woman.
But most men did not take women as part of themselves,
in this ownership.
They did not consider the best interests of their wives
or daughters or even sons for that matter,
They just took possession to mean,
they get to control them however they want.
They were totally in the form of shadow possession.
But when the feminist movement came through
and demolished the idea that a woman is the property of a man,
men were forced to relinquish possession of women.
Now this is the thing;
When men relinquished ownership over the women,
they didn't just relinquish the shadow sight of ownership.
They also relinquished the light sight of ownership.
It was almost like they said:
"Okay well, I won't own you as property then,
but I sure so I'm not going to own you in any other way either.
Relationships between men and women have suffered immensely.
Women really enjoyed that sense of containment
and that sense of protection that comes with the genuine ownership
of divine masculine.
No, they didn't like being controlled,
but they enjoyed being owned.
Now what do we see is one of the top complaints
in couples therapy now?
It's women saying that the men in their lives
take no responsibility for them or their children whatsoever.
Many women feel their men don't take direct responsibility
for her well-being.
The man is hands-off.
Now, to many women it feels like either being
in a relationship alone or like the man's another child
or like she's being exploited by him.
It feels like instead of really owing her and the family as his own
and therefore providing containment and taking care of them
through his own volition,
he lets her do it all,
and simply participates to the degree that he is either nagged
to do it, or if he can get something from her like sex.
You may hear women complaining a lot
about: "Where have all the Cowboy's gone?"
or loving Jane Austen films.
What they are actually looking for
is this quality in the masculine.
If you are interested
in trying to understand the energy of true ownership,
I suggest you to watch a movie titled Rob Roy
in which the main character Rob Roy portrays masculine ownership.
Whereas the villain in the movie, Archibald Cunningham
portrays the exact opposite: non ownership.
Watch this movie with the idea of ownership of others
specifically in mind.
But keep in mind
that at this time period
people did not understand the idea of ownership of all things
including one's enemies as part of themselves.
This is a graduated conscious understanding.
No one can tell you the negative side of no ownership
quite like orphans,
illegitimate children,
the black sheep of the family,
kids who suffer from emotional neglect.
When children are in any one of these positions,
no one owns them,
so as to become genuinely invested in their well-being.
No one takes them as part of themselves
and so they feel they do not belong,
they feel pushed away.
They are starved of so many emotional needs.
Things like love, understanding, belonging,
containment, emotional, intimacy and protection.
Regardless of what the physical dimension may look like,
the truth is they are exposed and alone
and must fend for themselves.
Even if they are around people
and even if they have caretakers,
those caretakers to not provide genuine security.
They simply make sure the kid does not physically die.
To be genuinely owned by someone or something
is the genuine desire
of anyone who grew up under these conditions.
So much, so that many people who find themselves
in these scenarios, especially in childhood,
find themselves dreaming of even the dark side of ownership.
"Couldn't I just be owned by somebody
who's so incredibly identified with me,
that are almost controlling."
Because that is even better than no ownership.
To be truly owned is also the desire
of people who experience the exact opposite kind of trauma.
This kind of a kid grew up in a household
where the child didn't even get to have an individuality.
They were so controlled,
they weren't allowed to have their own feelings,
their own thoughts, their own needs.
You often hear this being referred to as enmeshment trauma.
Now somebody who had enmeshment trauma
recoils at the concept of being owned,
because they think they've actually been owned.
They haven't!
All they have experienced is the shadow side of possession.
They fight to have a sense of self and autonomy.
What they desperately crave
is to be able to have their own personal thoughts,
needs, wants, preferences and feelings,
but also, be able to belong with someone
and be close to someone and have them.
They desperately crave for their selfhood to be acknowledged
and their unique best interest to be considered.
This is only possible with true ownership,
where you cannot take someone as part of yourself
and therefore belonging to you, without genuinely considering them
and capitalizing on their best interests.
In true ownership, it can only ever be a win-win.
When we were not owned,
or when we were shadow owned,
meaning the negative side of possessed,
what we do is, we don't own people in relationships.
Either we obsess over controlling them completely,
which is to not own their best interests as ourself,
or we leave them in a state of complete and constant anxiety.
Because we see them as so separate from us,
we never create containment for them.
We're never fully committed to them,
we treat them as other than us.
If you look at the most extreme forms of pain on our planet,
you can trace it back to a lack of ownership.
We refuse to own something
we don't want to have be part of ourselves.
So what does our life look like today?
We refuse to own homeless people,
so they die every day on the street.
We refuse to own prisoners so we punish them and lock them away.
We shadow own our children.
So, we treat them as if they're dolls instead of people.
We shadow own little girls, and sell them in the sex trade.
We refuse to own people of other colors, social classes,
genders cultures and religions as part of our collective humanity,
and so we feel no responsibility toward their well-being,
and in fact go to war against them.
We sure as hell don't own any other species other than ourselves.
And we refused on the part of us
that we don't want to have be part of us,
so we remain internally fragmented
which makes internal peace impossible.
A sense of ownership
is what causes us take genuine care
of the things that we believe that we own.
Because they matter to us.
The best interests of that thing is indivisible
from the best interests of ourselves.
This is why so often people take so much better care
of the things they own than rent.
Because we are so committed to it,
we become committed to finding a win-win scenario.
And this is the basis for trust in all of relationships.
A sense of ownership is a divine responsibility.
And so it is with this in mind that I tell you
the time has come for us to separate the shadow form of possession,
from the light form of possession, and start to really own each other.
The Utopia that we have all been dreaming of
for thousands of years on this planet,
will not come about unless we are willing to take
all things, human and otherwise as part of ourselves.
Never forget that to truly integrate something,
is to own it.
And to truly love something,
is to own it.
So I ask you to own people.
Have a good week
Subtitles by: Tanya Duarte www.tanyaduarte.com