- This video is gonna show you how to attract
a high value man.
It's gonna show you how to be able
to have somebody like that stick around
and be committed and show you how not to attract people
that are the old paradigm, the old pattern,
and that are people that are maybe draining your energy
or just not up to par from what you actually want.
Now, first thing about this is understanding very simply,
we get in life a reflection of what we believe we deserve.
So if we believe that a high value man
is on this big pedestal,
then what ends up happening?
And we believe that we're not worthy of that,
then we cannot actually attract that into our lives.
I say we 'cause I mean you,
I'm not trying to attract no high value man.
However, I've had 10,000 people go through
my challenges before,
many of which are focused on attracting love.
I've attracted love in my own life.
And I've seen so many people transform
with what I'm going to share with you in this video, okay?
So when it comes to this,
realize we experience a reflection
of what we believe we deserve.
And a lot of times what happens is if we believe
that we only deserve that which we are familiar with,
'cause normally what happens is in childhood,
we had a certain dynamic going on.
Sometimes people may have a narcissistic relationship
and that could be because they had narcissism
in their lives when they were kids.
And in a weird way, that feels familiar.
And remember the word familiar and family,
almost the same word,
because things that feel familiar, it reminds of family.
So what happens is when we talk about a high value man,
most likely what has happened is what we've done is,
you've done, not me.
I'm just kidding.
Well, not really, but we've familiarized
different energies when we were kids
and that's why we attract the same person
over and over and over again,
maybe with a different face,
but it's similar energy dynamic.
And I've shared this story before,
just very, in a nutshell,
after my ex-stepmom left my life
which the familiar energy dynamic between the ages
of 7 to 15 for me,
was this woman that was narcissistic,
that is narcissistic trying to control me,
not allowed to have freedom,
had to sneak food in order to get enough to eat,
had to earn going to school activities,
wasn't allowed to have friends,
wasn't allowed to watch TV,
there was a lot of control in my life.
And then what happened,
and a lot of that too I think was modeled
because my dad allowed my ex-stepmom into my life,
into our life.
So it was like he was passive in that way,
so in the same way, I became passive,
because I learned from my dad.
And then also I had this belief and expectation
that women in my life tried to control me.
So even after my ex-stepmom left when I was 17,
or I was like 15 years old,
when I was like 17, 18,
I started dating my first girlfriend.
And guess what?
She was very similar to my ex-stepmom.
She was jealous, controlling,
not abusive, but she was more like jealous and controlling.
And then was with her for four years
and just like my dad, my dad was in that relationship
with my ex-stepmom for seven years, way too long.
He should have left away before,
but he didn't see the red flags and he was too passive.
So what happened with me?
Well, I was in a relationship for four years
and I should have left after a year or two,
but I didn't because I didn't know
how to break up with somebody.
I didn't know that I was worthy,
that I could deem that this isn't what I was worthy of.
I didn't need to be controlled,
but it felt familiar and safe for me to be controlled.
And then I broke up with that girlfriend,
finally in some kind of weird synchronicity
where it kind of had to happen
and it worked out kind of well.
But then I got transferred
to a better shoe department at Nordstrom's,
which is where I worked selling woman's shoes
where I was getting paid more,
but the manager was the same exact energy as my ex-stepmom.
There was always a woman in my life trying to control me
until I became aware of that pattern,
and honestly, what I did is I forgave my ex-stepmom.
I had to let go of that energy.
Forgave means forgive,
for means before,
so before you gave the meaning,
'cause everything has no built in meaning in life
other than the meaning we give it,
I gave it the meaning that my ex-stepmom
and there was this was like evil
and all this energy was happening.
And because of that, I had that energy
active within my field and then I attract people
that reflected that back to me.
So when we talk about attracting a high value man,
this is about becoming aware
of the familiar childhood dynamics
because your familiar childhood dynamics might be
having an emotionally unavailable person
because maybe mom or dad was emotionally unavailable.
So how can you attract the high value man,
which I would assume a high value man,
it really depends on the person, by the way, as well,
because everyone has a different value,
a different perspective of what a high value man might be.
For one person a high value man
might be to somebody that's present and there,
for somebody else, it might mean somebody
that's in shape, takes care of their body,
wants to have kids,
like high value will depend upon the person.
Now, the thing is, though,
the familiar dynamics until we're aware of them,
that's what we continue to attract.
So it really depends on what that is for you
and what patterns are you becoming aware of.
Now remember, 90% of all transformation is awareness.
So by becoming aware of the childhood dynamics
of what might be currently in your life,
you then have the choice and the ability
to choose something else.
But if you're not aware of it,
then we'll continue to live in those old patterns.
So this is the first thing to realize about this,
is most of the familiar childhood dynamics
we're replaying because they feel familiar.
So my question to you is, is and does a high value man,
is that natural for you to attract?
Do you believe you deserve it?
Because if not, then there's a gap.
And the key to attracting the high value man
is to realize that that is a reflection
of what you believe you deserve.
Now I've been reading books too.
I've been looking more into this
because I'm getting ready to do
the Confidence Love Challenge.
And I've been studying a lot of attachment styles
and other like emotional availability,
intimacy blocks, all these things.
And the funny thing is about,
it talks about attachment styles,
it talks about anxious attachment,
people that lean in,
that want love that normally didn't receive it growing up,
so they like search for it on the outside
and they tend to be sometimes
a little bit more needy, that's anxious.
Then you have avoidant.
Avoidant keeps love at an arms length
and really wants to establish independence.
And it normally has intimacy blocks around trust.
And then secure love is people that can give
and receive love equally.
Now, the interesting thing that I've noticed
from reading the book and the one common denominator
between all three of these attachment styles
is that anxious attachment and avoidant attachment,
they generally don't believe
that their partner can really love them
or they don't believe they deserve love.
It's a belief thing.
It's an identity belief thing.
Whereas generally secure people believe
that their partner will love them.
Their partner will be emotionally expressive with them.
Secure people believe that,
probably because they had the reference experience growing
up of their parents that reflected that belief to them,
or they eventually work
through that belief system themselves to become secure.
But in general, when we talk
about a high value man and attracting in a high value man,
the key to this is realizing that the common denominator
between these, 'cause I would assume that the high
value man would have a secure attachment style,
which means that if you're,
one of your needs isn't being met,
they would in a way, find out what that is with you.
Not in a seeking way,
the anxious person will find it out
because they want to fix it.
The secure person is able
to be emotionally available to you,
is able to be emotionally attuned
but not overly, emotionally attuned.
Like the anxious would be.
It's like Goldielocks and Three Bears.
One's a little bit too hard.
One's a little bit too soft.
One's a little bit too hard.
And one's just right.
The high value man would be emotionally secure,
which means they don't have to play games.
They're able to meet you where you are.
They're able to be emotionally attuned to you.
And like, but at the same time in their own energy
and these are all things that the high value man would do.
So the thing to become aware of is what is your beliefs
about what you deserve and what is your beliefs
about what kind of man you attract into your life?
Because 90% of all transformation is becoming aware
of the belief and then choosing something new,
choosing to let go of the old belief.
For a long time,
the blocks I had with attracting love
and I had all of this evidence.
I had friends telling me, you have this many,
like you have big YouTube channel.
You have this, you have that.
It should be really, really easy for you.
I'm like, I don't know what the block is.
I don't know what the block is.
It's like a year, year and a half ago.
You wanna know what the block was?
I simply believed I wasn't worthy.
I had this shame from childhood
and I believed that I wasn't lovable.
There was something wrong with me.
I wasn't worthy.
I would attract people
into my life that emotionally didn't choose me,
which would reinforce that like I'm not good enough.
And then I became aware of that belief
and I became aware that that belief stem from childhood.
And then I realized that my parent's stuff
when I was a kid, their emotional unavailability,
that that was their shit, not mine.
I didn't have to internalize it any longer.
Doesn't mean I'm putting blame on them,
but it means I was able to understand
that I internalized it when I was a kid.
And then I could let go of that.
And once I did, I started to feel worthy.
It started to be natural
for me to attract people
that were emotionally available and that like chose me.
And it was like everything changed when I changed
that core energy, that core belief,
around shame and realized that I'm not broken.
Now the third thing I wanted to share with you
about this is that of one of the most powerful tactics
to weeding out people that aren't high value.
Actually, there'll be two levels left of this.
First off, let me go to this first,
your values that you live by are very important here.
Now, if you want to attract the high value man,
don't tune to the outside.
The key is living according to your own high values.
So most people in their lives,
they live according to everyone else's values.
They live according to their,
what their parents told them to believe.
They don't consciously choose their own values.
Values are like beliefs and virtues that you live by.
A value might be honesty, vulnerability,
authenticity, values could even be feeling significant,
wanting external validation.
Some people value that.
For a long time,
I valued external validation and approval
over connection, love, intimacy.
What I eventually had to do though,
is I had to start living according
to some higher values that I chose.
And those higher values
for me were vulnerability and authenticity.
Those were my top values.
And then as I started the living
according to vulnerability and authenticity,
I started to attract people that reflected those back.
So realize attracting a high value man
is about first living according
to the values that you prefer to live by.
And if you want that man to embody those values,
then you must embody them.
And that's what changed everything for me.
I started living according to vulnerability,
expressing the real me,
which helped with polarity, authenticity.
And as I started expressing that out in the world,
I attracted something that was a reflection of that.
So for you to attract the high value man that you
want to attract, the key is living according
to the values that you consider to be high value.
If you wanna attract somebody that's really in shape
and that loves yoga, then you should also be doing yoga
and living according to that lifestyle.
If you want somebody that is, that is emotionally available,
then you wanna become emotionally available
and you wanna express yourself more and open
up your heart more because it's all a reflection.
So that's the first part.
This is all a reflection.
So live according to your own values.
Now the last part about this that I think changes
absolutely everything is a tactic for weeding
out people that are red flags that wouldn't work anyways.
And it is a strategy called using what is
called effective communication.
Effective communication.
Effective communication is when you actually
effectively communicate vulnerability.
You wear your heart on your sleeve.
And the power of this is that
by doing so you weed out the people that play games.
So for example,
normally the ineffective communication I had,
because I used to have the nice guy people
pleaser syndrome is I would date somebody.
I'd be really nice to them.
We'd become great friends, but after a month or two
they'd be wondering if I was even sexually attracted
to them because I wasn't communicating my true desires.
I wasn't communicating vulnerably.
So then I would,
it'd like this passive thing where I'd have,
I'd not know how to move forward.
And then they would wonder and it would,
it would be very unclear.
Eventually what happened was I became aware
of this pattern and I said, what the hell am I doing?
And I started to be vulnerable.
I started to physically, emotionally
and energetically show intention and be vulnerable.
Put myself out there.
The thing with vulnerability is a lot
of people are afraid of getting rejected.
That's what I was afraid of.
So I would be the way I thought everyone else
wanted me to be, but that's not very attractive.
So what I ended up doing is learning
how to effectively communicate what I want.
So I would actually then tell somebody,
oh, I'm attracted to you.
Or I would communicate that through either my body language
or actually say it, whereas before,
oh, what if I say it and I'm rejected.
But it's clear, it's effective and it's communication.
Now, sometimes what happens though
is this passive aggressive BS where like,
like an anxious attachment, for example,
might not get their needs met.
So instead of communicating their needs,
like maybe somebody else they're dating
is then like, let's say they're gonna go
to a 4th of July party
and they're not inviting the anxious.
So the avoidant,
a lot of times that's what happens is the anxious person
attracts an avoidant person.
So the anxious person attracts the avoidant person,
they're dating.
Then there's a 4th of July party.
The anxious person wants to go with the avoidant person,
but the avoidant person's like,
oh I'm gonna go hang out with my friends and do this thing.
The anxious person wants to go.
But instead of effectively communicating,
what that person does is like waits
for the avoidant to invite.
And if the avoidant doesn't invite
then they continue to get
into their own little pressure bubble.
And then what they do is they do what's called
protest behavior where they say, you know what?
I'm gonna just gonna, I have other options.
I'm gonna see if I'm gonna do something else,
even though they might not have other options,
as a way of expressing, like don't you see that
I want to go with you?
And then the other person's like, okay, you did that.
And then they're gonna wanna go hang
out with their friend.
Now, the problem with that is that you keep boiling it up.
It's like playing a game
and instead you could clearly communicate,
hey you're gonna hang out with your friends.
I'd really like to spend 4th of July with you.
So either can we go hang out with my friends?
Or can I come with you to hang out with your friends?
And then guess what?
Problem solved, the person's like, oh
I didn't even know that you really wanted to hang out.
I figured you wanted to like, do your own thing
or not be around my friends,
'cause they're kind of annoying or whatever.
But do you see the difference there?
Effective communication is key.
And then if somebody doesn't like that,
if you effectively communicate and they don't like that,
you save yourself time,
you save yourself energy.
Effective communication could be very powerful
because it weeds out people.
And like narcissist, for example,
they do not like effective communication
because it's, to them it's like they lose their power.
They like to gaslight
and use manipulation to get their needs met.
So it's like you'd weed out them.
You'd weed out people
that like aren't effectively communicating.
It's one of the most powerful ways
of finding a high value man.
So vulnerability, expressing the real you,
effective communication,
living according to your own values.
These are all ways of embodying that energy
and realizing that you can also become aware
of the old familiar patterns from childhood.
And you can embody a new aspect of you,
because the more high value you become on the inside out
the more you will attract the same in a high value man.
This is what really makes the difference.
This is what really changes a lot.
Now, here is the thing as well.
Something I am doing is I am,
if you text me at 424-304-0104
any of your questions I'll be
either responding or putting them into YouTube videos.
I also text two or three times a week.
The High Vibe Thoughts of the Week,
current books I'm reading, epiphanies I'm having.
So if you want to engage with me in text message
you could text me by clicking the link below
or going to that number.
And then also there's a video here
for the five traits of highly attractive people.
And this is something that will help you
to really embody the most magnetic energy possible.
It's one of my most popular videos.
Check it out right here.
These are the five traits of extremely magnetic people.
So people that you perceive to have very contagious energy,
energy that can.