[Inaudible].
Sooner or later in life,
most of us will have somebody that's very close to us,
either leave us or die. And in the moments when we have that,
we may experience what has been classified as grief or bereavement.
And we feel a real loss over those people that we've had that's been special to
us. Whenever we have a loss, we find out,
when I've worked with people in the Breakthrough Experience,
that they are actually not missing everything about them.
When we've actually gone through the process and asked,
what specifically do you miss, or did you miss the moment they passed,
the moment they're gone?
We find out that the things that they actually list are not the things that they
disliked about the person, but are always the things they liked.
And when we probe deeper,
we found out that anything that we are a little infatuated with,
or like about the person that creates dopamine and encephalons and endorphins
and oxytocin in the brain, the second it's gone,
we have the withdrawal symptoms called grief.
But the things that we disliked about the person, maybe the hair in the sink,
maybe they're screaming, maybe their inconsiderateness or whatever.
We don't have grief over the loss of those components when they die or leave us.
We actually have relief. In other words,
the things we liked about them we have grief over the loss of,
but the things we despised about them or disliked about them,
or didn't necessarily admire about them, we have relief.
There's always a grief and relief combination when somebody leaves us or passes.
So what I'd like to do is give you a tool that I outline in the Breakthrough
Experience program, which is part of the Demartini Method,
which is a science on how to dissolve that. So instead of taking days, weeks,
months, or years to get over these things, it can take minutes or hours.
And it's really amazing.
And every week I get to do this with people and it's really astonishing on what
people can accomplish if they just apply what I'm about to show.
So the first thing you do is realize that there,
to the level of the master, there's nothing but transformation.
There's never illusions of gain and loss.
So I want to show you how to see things in the form of transformation.
So you can adapt to a change, instead of being holding on to a fantasy and hurt.
So the moment somebody is passed or leaves you,
the first question you ask is, what specifically are you missing?
And you got to get specific. You can't just say, 'Well, everything about them'.
Cause it's never been true. You can't say, 'Well, I miss them.' Too vague.
What specifically do you miss about this person? Do you miss their hugs?
Do you miss their cuddles? Do you miss their conversations?
Do you miss their advice? D you miss their sense of humor.
What specifically are you missing?
Itemize those down on a piece of paper and itemize everything that you can think
of until you've itemized everything you feel a loss,
'I don't have.' 'I miss.' Then after you made that list,
create another column next to those and right next to it,
I want you to ask who now has emerged in your life since this
person has gone,
who has emerged in your life to now provide you with that trait?
And it may be one person, or it may be a variety of people.
It may be male or female, it may be somebody close right there in your vicinity,
or maybe somewhere across the world on a Skype or on internet.
It may be at your work or maybe your social life.
But I want you to identify who is providing you with that trait that you just
missed. And to your surprise, if you ask that question,
you'll find that it's true.
We've done this hundreds and hundreds of cases and every time there's somebody
there that's emerging those traits. In fact, it could be you.
You may have taken on some of those traits, the moment the person moved on.
So identify it is, until they're quantitatively equal.
That means the quantity of that trait is accounted for in one or many people to
what you had.
The next step is to now take the trait that you missed and now ask,
'what are the drawbacks of that trait that you were facing while they were
there?' Because sometimes we get infatuated with traits,
get blind to the downsides and get addicted to the trait, get a dopamine blind,
and can't see the downsides.
And when you ask that question and you come up with the downsides of when they
were there with that trait,
you crack the fantasy or the infatuation or the high you get out of it.
And you break some of the dopamine addiction and the moment you do,
and you think of the drawbacks, to your surprise, if you really look carefully,
you'll find there's just as many drawbacks as there are benefits.
And there'll be in surprising ways.
You'll discover that sometimes their sense of humor was a coverup and a mask of
their own tragedies in life.
And you may have found out that you never got to know who they really were.
They were always covering it up, covering up a tragedy,
or you may find that it was poorly timed or it may be humiliative at times,
or maybe you're sitting there and it's the same old joke.
But you look carefully, you'll see the drawbacks.
And once the drawbacks equal the benefits about that trait,
you'll find out that you're already calming some of the grief that you're
having. Now, the next step is to ask,
write down all the benefits in the next column,
the benefits of the new people taking on that trait.
And you stack up the benefits and really stack up the benefits of the new trait.
And you go back and occasionally do the drawbacks of the original trait of the
person,
and you keep playing with the drawbacks of the old way and the benefits of the
new way until they're balanced. And to your surprise,
you'll find out that you will not have a grief or a loss of that particular
trait. In fact, you'll go, I'm grateful.
I'm actually realize that that moving on or that passing or whatever actually
has got just as many reliefs as griefs, just as many benefits as drawbacks.
And I'm now balanced and poised and present instead of grieving.
And I go now one at a time through each one of those traits and do that
repeatedly, that exercise. Now I've seen that done over,
if a person has say six to eight to 10 traits,
maybe 15 traits in some cases over the grief of the loss of somebody.
If they do it,
it takes over maybe five minutes to 10 minutes on average per line.
And in the process of doing it, if you have 10 lines,
it may take you an hour to do, or maybe two hours,
but I'm telling you that the hour or two hours spent on that exercise will just
dissolve the grief and bring the relief and grief into balance and allow you to
feel the presence of the loved one.
And here's why I say that and why it's so important,
If you were to pass right now, how would you want the world to respond to you?
Do you want them grieving for the next 10 years,
or do you want them to be thankful and get on with their life and do the most
amazing things with their life? If you had loved ones left over,
if you were leaving, would you want them to live their life to the fullest?
Well, as honor to this person has just left.
It's wise to get on with your life and do the most amazing things with it.
And by doing this process, you'll set yourself free of the grief.
Now if for some reason,
you run into snags and you run into challenges and your mind is kind of blank
and you need some assistance on that,
can I encourage you to come to the Breakthrough Experience,
the seminar program where I actually introduce this and I do it live and I do
demonstrations and I show it, we go through the audience and we ask,
who has the greatest grief, the greatest loss, the greatest loss in their life,
maybe a loss of loved ones, it may be a husband that just passed away,
maybe a child that has an illness that's just passed. We take,
and we actually pick the most extreme case. We do it in front of everybody.
We do the process and people are left in tears of literally gratitude for the
realization that they just got. And the person is relieved of the grief.
So come to the Breakthrough Experience.
If for any reason you have a snag doing this exercise,
I promise you will learn that tool.
And that will apply in so many areas of your life.
That same exercise will spill over and have a thousand uses in your life on
anything that you have a loss over or perceive a loss over.
So when you have a grief, you have a loss in your life, follow six steps,
those four steps I just did and come to the Breakthrough Experience.
[Inaudible].