(cheery music)
- And that is why I'm legally allowed to pardon a turkey.
(laughter)
- Brennan, what are you doing for the holidays?
- Little complicated this year, actually.
I am thinking about going out for Thanksgiving
with my family in New York
and doing Christmas with my girlfriend Izzy's family
in Chicago, but we just found out
that my sister's only gonna be able to be available
the week of Christmas in New York.
See, right here, sister time, so.
- Okay, so then do Christmas with your family
and Thanksgiving with hers.
- Wow, Lily, so smart.
- Thank you.
- But what you don't understand is that
her family goes all out for Christmas.
It is a production.
They turn their house into like the North Pole,
they hire a Santa Claus to come down the chimney.
The guy died last year.
And Thanksgiving, they hate it.
They say it's a "trash secular holiday."
They hate the erasure of Native American genocide.
Her grandfather was killed by a turkey.
So you're here going, okay, puzzle piece.
How do we make everyone happy?
- Doesn't seem that complicated.
- No, it is.
- Yeah, you both have Christmas plans,
so just do the holidays separately.
- Wow.
You really do have a beautiful mind.
- Like the movie?
- Like the movie.
- Oh, thank you, I love that. - Would that it were
so simple.
But it's not that simple, because the whole reason
we're even able to fly to these places
is that Izzy's uncle is a pilot who works for Delta.
So if we're not entertaining
her family's wishes for Christmas,
how do I afford to even get to my family in New York
in the first place?
You're confused, I'm gonna get my board, hold on.
- No, we are done with the-- - No, I don't want that.
(wheels rattling)
- Okay, so here's what needs to happen.
Izzy and I go from Los Angeles to New York.
From there, she drops me off, goes to her family in Chicago,
comes back from Chicago to New York to pick me up
to go back to Chicago.
- It just seems like a lot of trouble to go through
for one holiday.
- I'm sorry, one holiday?
Katie, this is just the first leg of the journey, all right?
Izzy's uncle who works for Delta is politically monstrous,
so by the time he gets there Christmas Eve,
I've gotta already be there to start debating him
so that by the time Christmas dinner the next day
rolls around, he has shut up once and for all.
- Brennan, that is insane!
You can't make everyone happy with perfect holiday plans!
- Yes I can.
- Like me, I'm staying here for Christmas,
even though my parents wanted to go to Hawaii,
it seemed too complicated.
They're upset, and it's fine.
- I'm so sorry, I actually-- - No, what are you, no, no!
- Okay, so--
- Don't look at recent searches.
- (laughs loudly) There's a JetBlue sale to Hawaii
that leaves the same day we fly to New York.
So we can just drop you at the airport! That's fine!
And then afterwards, you take two short red-eyes to Chicago,
meet up with us there,
and Izzy's uncle at this point will not want to have
anything to do with us,
so we'll get a rental car to get to Boulder,
where my friend invited us skiing!
It would be so rude to turn him down!
After Boulder, we take a quick little cruise to right here,
there's your computer, and just hold that,
boom, perfect vacation.
- Brennan, that's the middle of the ocean!
- Well, how else are we gonna see
Lily's family on the cruise (laughs)?
This way, you get to see your family,
and everybody happy!
- You're just pointing to Uranus.
- Yeah, my anus!
- What? - But the point is this!
By the time you do or don't go to Uranus,
I'll be in the English Channel halfway across the world,
fleeing from Izzy's uncle with a rifle,
because he's a gun nut.
You'll be halfway done with your training
for the Mars One mission--
- What?
- And that way, it's perfect.
Happy, happy holiday!
(cell phone chiming)
- Tickets confirmed for seven flights,
two Royal Caribbean cruises,
application approved for Mars One expedition?
I should have never told you my credit card number
was 69 six times.
- Hey, if any of you guys are around this year,
I'll be hosting a Friendsgiving potluck!
Should be fun.
(dramatic music)
(grunting)
- (in unison) Brennan, no!
- Should be good for that, Tao, buddy (laughs),
just gotta move some stuff around!
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas, ♪
♪ We wish you a (mumbles). ♪