We all need a little escape from reality now and then.
And it's easy with all of the entertainment choices at our disposal.
Or...you could just read the news.
The world is a crazy place, full of bizarre plot lines that any story editor in their
right mind would reject as implausibly impossible — or just impossibly stupid.
Here are some news stories stranger than fiction.
Truck driver loses his marbles
Nobody likes a morning commute.
Everybody on the road is at different coffee and stress levels, and it can seem like half
of them have somehow never operated a car before.
It's enough to make you lose your marbles.
But if you do, it probably won't generate headlines.
Unless you're a truck driver transporting 38,000 pounds of actual marbles.
In perhaps the most slam-dunk case of a headline writing itself, Indiana State Police reported
that a trailer full of marbles became detached from its truck and spilled all over the Interstate
one morning in January 2017, requiring a lane to be closed for the entire day to clean up
the mess.
It sucks to be the butt of so obvious a joke, but at least the driver of the truck can take
solace in the fact that he wasn't hauling manure.
Try the catfish surprise
Philadelphia resident Lisa Lobree was on her way to a class at her gym in September 2016
when she was violently assaulted with a blunt instrument.
Fortunately, her injuries were minor, as her assailant was a bird, and the blunt instrument
was a dead catfish that the bird dropped 50 feet onto Lisa's face.
"I was slammed in the face with something.
I think it might have been head, face, and neck because I smelled so bad afterwards.
I'm more likely to get struck by lightning than get hit by a fish falling from the sky.
Lisa was treated for a cut to her face at a local hospital.
She says she still loves to fish but will attempt future catches with a traditional
rod and reel, and not bear-style.
The Michigan waffle riot
Sunday morning at the America's best Value Inn in sleepy Mason County, Michigan, seems
an unlikely setting for civil unrest.
Travelers checking out of the hotel that morning were woefully unprepared for the chaos that
greeted them, thanks to the uprising known forevermore as the Great Michigan Waffle Riot
of 2015.
Authorities say that that the riot began when two little old ladies butted heads over who
was next in line for the waffle maker.
According to Mason County Sheriff Kim Cole, one said "that's my waffle," the other said
"no, it's my waffle," and, quote, "it went downhill from there."
Deputies arrived to find dozens of people shouting and arguing over the waffle maker.
No actual physical assaults took place, but over 30 guests were ejected from the hotel
by law enforcement.
Twice bitten
An Australian man by the name of Jordan, whose last name has been withheld, told the BBC
that he felt like "the most unlucky guy in the country" after he was bitten on the penis
not once, but twice, by poisonous Redback spiders over the course of five months in
2016.
Jordan's first incident occurred in April of that year, as the construction worker was
using a porta-potty at his job site.
Then, in September, it happened again despite Jordan's vigilance in checking for killer
toilet spiders.
So if you happen to be watching this on your phone during a trip to the toilet… watch
your dangly bits, mate!
Bust of the year
In late 2016, sheriff's deputies in Harris County, Texas, thought they had perhaps their
biggest drug bust ever after a routine traffic stop.
Two pounds of a white substance had been found inside a sock in the vehicle of 24-year-old
Ross Lebeau, and field tests had indicated that the stuff was meth — or possibly some
kind of Super-Meth. Ross was booked, and a press release bragged that the bust "may have
kept our children and loved ones free from being introduced to drugs."
All in a day's work for Harris County's cops, who had dramatically succeeded in removing
from the streets two pounds of the state's purest, uncut...kitty litter.
"I was wrongly accused of this and I'm going to do everything in my power and with my family
backing me to be able to clear my name.
Needless to say, the charges were dropped, but not until Lebeau had endured a three day
jail stay.
That... stinks.
The war of art
In 2014, tech company Nanosystems developed a material called Vantablack, known as the
"blackest black," because it absorbs 99.6 percent of all light.
British sculptor Sir Anish Kapoor declared his intention to use the expensive material
in an art piece and was granted the exclusive right to do so by Nanosystems.
But this pissed off artist Stuart Semple.
So in response to being kept from using the blackest black, he created an ultra-pink paint
called PINK, which he described as, quote, "the pinkest pink."
And everyone in the world was allowed to use it...
...except Kapoor.
In fact, Semple required anyone buying PINK to sign a legal declaration stating they wouldn't
let Kapoor anywhere near the new super-pink paint.
So it probably came as a bit of a shock to Semple when Kapoor posted a picture to his
Instagram of his upraised middle finger — dipped in PINK, with the caption: "Up Yours."
Semple responded by releasing the glitteriest glitter ever.
But, of course, it came with one special rule.
"There's just one person I won't share this with.
And that person is Anish Kapoor."
Your move, Kapoor.
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