>> Stephen: JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN, EVERYBODY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: JON, WE DID THE LIVE SHOW LAST NIGHT.
A LOVE SHOW LAST NIGHT, AND THOSE ARE REALLY TIGHT.
IT'S ALL A DOUBLE-STUFFED OREO, WE HAVE TO GET RIGHT THROUGH IT.
AND I DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO SAY HAPPY MARDI GRAS.
>> Jon: YES, INDEED.
>> Stephen: AND, SO, DID YOU-- DID YOU-- DID YOU CELEBRATE
MARDI GRAS IN ANY WAY?
>> Jon: I PUT ON MARDI GRAS TUNES IN MY DRESSING ROOM AND
DANCE S.
>> Stephen: MARCHED AROUND BY YOURSELF.
ONE-MAN VIEW.
>> Jon: YES.
>> Stephen: I HOLD IN MY HANDS HERE.
I HAVE THE CARDS FOR OUR TWO GUESTS TONIGHT, TWO VERY
EXCITING GUESTS.
ONE IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE PERFORMERS.
ANDY SERKIS IS GOING TO BE HERE.
AND THE NEW "BATMAN" WHICH YOU CAN'T SEE IN RUSSIA, CAN'T SEE
IN RUSSIA.
AND THEN RUSSIA EXPERT FIONA HILL IS HERE.
SHE IS GOING TO EXPLAIN A LOT OF WHAT'S GOING ON OVER IN THE WAR
IN UKRAINE AND PUTIN'S MOTIVATIONS.
FOLKS, THIS IS A VERY SPECIAL NIGHT FOR ME, BECAUSE
TONIGHT, I'M CELEBRATING ONE OF THE SWEETEST THINGS THAT'S EVER
HAPPENED IN MY LIFE.
THIS IS MY ANNIVERSARY...
( APPLAUSE )
FLAVOR:
"STEPHEN COLBERT'S AMERICONE DREAM."
IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE, BUT IT WAS 15 YEARS AGO THIS WEEK THAT BEN
AND JERRY APPEARED ON MY OLD SHOW TO INTRODUCE AMERICONE
DREAM TO THE WORLD.
AND I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.
BUT, REMEMBER, THE CAMERA ADDS 10 POUNDS.
AND ABOUT 40 YEARS.
I'M SO PROUD OF AMERICONE DREAM.
NOT ONLY DOES IT TASTE GOOD.
IT DOES GOOD.
BECAUSE ALL OF MY PROCEEDS GENERATED BY THE SALES OF THIS
ICE CREAM ARE DONATED TO HUNDREDS OF GREAT CHARITIES
CHOSEN EACH YEAR BY MY STAFF HERE AT THE SHOW.
AND I WAS SO HAPPY TO RECENTLY LEARN THAT OVER THE LAST 15
YEARS, WE HAVE GIVEN AWAY $4,258,500.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> Jon: WOW!
>> Stephen: BOOM.
ISN'T THAT LOVELY?
THAT-- THAT IS A LOTA DOUGH, WHICH IS NOT AN INGREDIENT IN MY
ICE CREAM.
YOU'RE THINKING OF JIMMY FALLON'S "THE TONIGHT DOUGH,"
WHICH HAS COOKIE DOUGH, AND I THINK GROUND-UP PEACOCK.
IT'S GOT BEAKS AND STUFF.
SO THANK YOU TO EVERYONE OUT THERE FOR SUPPORTING AMERICONE
DREAM.
YOU'RE LIVING THE AMERICAN DREAM: HELPING OTHERS BY SITTING
AT HOME AND EATING ICE CREAM.
NOW, PERSONALLY--
PERSONALLY, I KNOW AMERICONE DREAM HAS HELPED ME GET THROUGH
A LOT IN THE LAST 15 YEARS.
AND WHILE I'D LOVE TO KEEP SITTING HERE AND SINGING IT'S
PRAISES, I FIGURED WHY NOT GET SOMEONE WHO'S BETTER AT SINGING
TO DO THAT?
SO I ASKED A COUPLE OF MY SWEETEST FRIENDS TO HELP ME OUT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
GROBAN, SARA BAREILLES, BEN, JERRY-- ALL OF YOU-- FOR EATING
MY ICE CREAM, AND MY ENTIRE STAFF FOR HELPING GIVE ALL THAT
MONEY AWAY.
LET'S KEEP AMERICONE DREAMIN' FOR ANOTHER 15 YEARS.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ANDY SERKIS.