I'm not sure if this hair's working or if it's too Hermione…
…or Hagrid.
Hey guys, welcome back to Lavendaire. It's Aileen.
Today, I wanted to make this video for those of you who feel a little lost in life.
This is the core struggle that I was going through in college and out of college,
just feeling lost, not knowing what I meant to do with my life.
What is my path? What am I here on earth to do? What is my purpose in life?
And there are a lot of ways to figure it out.
Before I get into the questions, I just have to say that feeling lost is normal
and being lost is also a blessing.
We all go through these times in life where we kind of feel lost,
like we don't know exactly what our path is.
And I think the blessing is that openness.
Because you don't have a direction, there's more space for opportunities,
new doors to open, magic to enter your life,
and so it's actually a really exciting time in your life.
I know it doesn't feel that way going through it,
but in hindsight, after you've been through it, you're like,
“Oh my God, that was such an amazing time of my life, such a blessing.”
Today, I'm going to share six questions to ask yourself when you're feeling lost in life.
And these are questions that you don't just answer once and that's it.
You can always come back to these over and over again throughout your life,
as you maybe fall into those cycles of feeling lost again,
because if you're lost, that means it's an opportunity for you to rediscover yourself
and learn new things about yourself or maybe just find a new path,
which is really fun and exciting.
The first question is: What did I want to do as a child?
And what about that life excited me?
When you are a child, that is when your dreams and desires are so pure and unfiltered.
You're dreaming out of your soul.
And you don't dumb down your dreams or filter your dreams
until you grow up and maybe you hear things from other people.
Maybe your parents or teachers influence you.
Maybe you just become a little jaded over time.
So think back to before you were jaded,
before you recognize what reality was, what did you enjoy?
What did you want to be as a child?
And not to say that you have to be that exact thing,
but the parts that excited you about that life, that's what you want to note.
For example, if you once wanted to be an astronaut,
but now in your adult life, you're like, “I don't actually want to be an astronaut,”
you can still look at that childhood dream and ask yourself,
“What about that path excited me? What did I think was fun and interesting?”
And maybe you'll find that it's because you love space.
So maybe you want to consider taking a path that involves that.
Or maybe it was the aspect of exploration,
exploring something new that's never been explored before.
You love discovering new things, seeing new things.
So maybe that can translate into: you like the idea of travel,
or maybe it can translate into: you like the idea of finding new things, that exploration aspect of it.
And there are so many different paths where you can tap into that exploration
and that excitement that comes from discovering something new.
The second question to ask yourself is:
What am I curious about and how can I take a small step in that direction?
So instead of the advice “Follow your passion,”
you should actually follow your curiosity
because some people don't know what they're passionate about.
And passion is something that can be developed over time,
once you discover that you really enjoy doing something.
You don't just know exactly what you're passionate about straight out of the womb,
because you have to experience life in order to figure out what you're passionate about.
So how do you find those passions?
Well, you first start with the smaller feeling, which is that little inkling of curiosity.
So you follow that feeling of, “Hmm, that's interesting.
Hmm, I wonder what this would be like.”
So that is what curiosity looks like.
It's not like a burning raging fire.
Passion is fiery and obvious.
Curiosity is like a little tiny flame or a little baby spark where you're like,
“Hmm, I wonder what this can become.”
So follow your curiosity.
Make a list of all the things that you're curious about, and don't be shy.
Just write it down. It doesn't hurt to just write it down on paper.
And then you can decide like, “Okay, I'm more curious about this than this.
And so if this is what I'm most curious about,
what is the next step that I can take to explore this curiosity a little bit further?”
And honestly, the internet has made it so easy to explore your curiosities,
because all you have to do is search something up.
And then it can take you down a rabbit hole of blogs, videos, stories,
just information to help you explore this topic a little further to see how much you really like it.
And a great way to explore this further is through taking an online class on the topic.
So I'd like to thank Skillshare for partnering with me on this video.
Skillshare is an online platform with thousands of classes for anyone who's creative or curious.
This is a great place to figure out the topics that you're interested in,
in the realm of creativity, business, and beyond.
There are so many classes to explore and each class usually comes with a project.
So as you're taking action and learning in this topic,
you can really figure out for yourself whether it's something that you really enjoy.
If you find that you're curious about writing or poetry,
a really cool class they have on Skillshare is called Instagram Poetry by Alison Malee.
So in that class, you'll learn how to pick a story,
a moment to revolve your poem around, how to write the poem,
and then how to create the visual to go with your poem so that you post it for Instagram.
It's a really actionable project that's creative and fun.
If anything, it'll help you spark your creativity when you're feeling lost in life.
So if you're interested: for a limited time, you can click that link in my description
to get a free trial of Skillshare Premium.
The third question to ask yourself when you're feeling lost in life is:
Who do I admire and why?
So you want to make a list of all the people you admire,
all the people who inspire you, people that you want to be more like.
These can be celebrities, famous people, people in history,
people in your life, it could be anyone.
So make a list of all these people that you look up to that you would want to be more like.
And the beauty of looking to your role models is that it reveals to you
the things that you want to become,
the parts of you that want to be cultivated and grown
because you have those characteristics within you.
They're asking to be brought out even more in your life.
So following those characteristics, trying to become more of those characteristics that you list out,
those are huge clues to what you're meant to be doing in life,
who's the person that you're meant to become.
The next question to ask yourself if you're feeling lost in life is:
What life skills do I wish I had?
Or you can finish the sentence: I wish I knew how to __.
If you're lacking direction in life right now, it's okay.
Instead of feeling frustrated for being kind of stuck,
use this time to learn new life skills that will be useful for you in the long run,
regardless of what path you choose to take,
because there are so many things that I'm sure you'd want to learn or want to know.
And it doesn't have to relate to the path or direction that you want to take in life.
It could be general life skills.
For example, if you think about practical skills, maybe you want to learn
how to budget, how to do taxes, how to fix a tire.
These are just things that you probably want to know in your life.
So now that you have the time, you might as well learn it now.
Or you can take this time to learn softer life skills, things like how to make friends,
how to negotiate, how to persuade people, persuasion skills.
This way you can start using your time to build important life skills
that will be useful regardless of what direction you take,
so that you actually take advantage of the free time that you have right now,
while you're figuring out your path.
The next question to ask yourself if you're feeling lost in life is:
In what ways have I been settling in life?
And this is a question that requires a lot of honesty
because you have to reflect and look at your life:
“Okay, what areas have I been settling?”
And what I mean by settling is choosing to accept what you have,
what's in front of you, instead of reaching, instead of setting a bigger goal,
or just daring to dream bigger, daring to find something that is more fulfilling.
Whether it's a more fulfilling relationship or friendship or a more fulfilling career path,
have you been settling in any areas of your life?
And this is a question to ask with some gentleness,
because you don't want to come to it in a negative tone.
This question is not meant for you to feel bad about yourself,
about where you are in life -- it's not.
It really is a question to push you to reflect,
and then also dare to dream a little bigger, to decide,
“Okay, maybe I want a little more.
Maybe I want to try a little harder to reach something that's further ahead.”
The ultimate goal is to create a life that feels fulfilling to you.
And when you're lost, it's probably because you don't feel fulfilled in your life,
or maybe you're just not on a path that feels like it's going to lead to fulfillment.
And so you feel stuck. You're like, “What am I doing?
What's the point of life if I'm not feeling happy and aligned and fulfilled?”
And this question is just there to help you reflect
and see where you can reach for more and more of what you deserve,
instead of just settling for what's good enough.
The last question to ask yourself is: Do I just need a break?
Because sometimes when you're feeling lost,
it might be because you're trying to do too much,
and you've lost your sense of purpose,
your sense of why you're hustling so hard or why you're doing this.
And sometimes you just need a break to reflect and reset,
and you just need to take that time, give yourself time for self care,
give back to yourself so that you can fill that well to feel fulfilled and nourished in life.
Sometimes when we overwork ourselves and we put too much on our plates,
we deplete ourself.
We deplete that sense of wellness, happiness, and fulfillment.
And all you need sometimes is just a break.
Maybe connect with your loved ones,
connect with the things that bring you joy in order to feel fulfilled again,
in order to feel like you're on the right path.
So maybe you just need a break.
Maybe you just need to get away or give yourself some me time.
And that might make you feel a lot better just by giving yourself time.
Another benefit to giving yourself a break is that
beauty and magic and serendipity can happen when you create space.
It's kind of like, if you're super busy with your current life,
there's no space for anything new to enter.
But if you take a break, go somewhere new,
take yourself outside of your comfort zone, to a new environment,
it might invite something that you never could have predicted,
something that's just totally unexpected.
And I find that that always happens to me when I travel, especially when I traveled solo.
So many serendipitous moments came to me,
just new ideas, new thoughts came to me that I didn't know I needed
until I did it, until I gave myself that space.
So maybe you just need a break.
My last thought that I want to leave you with is:
If you are feeling lost in life, remember it's okay.
It is a blessing and this is an opportunity for you to say yes to life,
because like I said, the more space there is,
the more room there is for new opportunities, new things to come in.
My takeaway, looking back at the past decade of my twenties was that
the years that I was lost and figuring things out,
those are the years that my life was more interesting.
I did more exciting things because I didn't have a direction,
so I said yes to all these random opportunities.
It led me to meeting new friends or new experiences.
And these are just very rich experiences that I never could have planned for myself.
And so my life was really unpredictable and exciting and interesting during those years.
Although I felt like I couldn't enjoy it because deep down, I didn't feel like I was successful.
And that's the crutch, is that I didn't enjoy it.
But looking back, I'm like, “Oh my god, it was so fun.”
And the second half of my twenties, I was more clear on my direction in life.
I had Lavendaire, and once I knew the direction I wanted to go,
it was just like – I put my head down and I was just hustling and working.
But although that is great because you're building something that you enjoy that you're proud of,
my life was less interesting because it was just Lavendaire.
It was just the same thing, just building it and making videos every week after week.
And I didn't have as much of those interesting, random varied experiences
as I had before I started Lavendaire.
So I really see the good in both, the good in being lost,
and then also the good in having something to focus on.
And I honestly believe that life is about embracing all of it,
the beauty of all of the experiences, the beauty of experiencing being at the bottom,
and the beauty of experiencing the top,
and also the whole journey up and down, up and down.
I really think that is the beauty of life.
So wherever you are in your journey, in your cycle,
embrace it because each moment is beautiful.
And looking back, you'll appreciate this moment so much more than you do now.
Hindsight is 2020, right?
I hope you enjoy these questions.
Let me know down below if you had any insights
from these prompts or from this video,
and if you have any other tips for other people who are watching this and also feeling lost.
Sending you so much love.
Bye!