Welcome back to The Whirlpool, where fibs and fabrications are pulled under and drowned.
I’m Michael Whirly.
Last weekend was Father’s Day, a time set aside for honoring the men responsible for
all of us being here.
No one knows the importance of father’s better than I.
It was my father’s firm, uncompromising guiding hand that made me the man I am today.
How fondly I recall him teaching me to ride a bicycle by lifting me onto the bike and
shoving it down a steep hill, or teaching me play catch by throwing baseballs as hard
as he could at my young head, or teaching me to swim by taking me on a boat out into
the middle of a lake, throwing my Christmas presents far out into the water, and saying
to me “You want ‘em?
Go get ‘em.”
[choking up] Excuse me.
All I have left of him are my memories.
This past Father’s Day I honored my father’s memory the same way I do every Father’s
Day: my sending a bouquet of dead flowers to the woman who killed him.
But it got me thinking: why don’t we have a day to honor the one who is a father to
all of us, and who will never die?
Think of all Our Heavenly Father has done for us: he created the heavens and the earth.
He created the plants and the beasts of the field, some of which are absolutely delicious.
He put the Sun, the Moon, and the stars in the sky into orbit around us.
And he created all of us, personally — as it is written in the gospels of Matthew and
Luke, the very hairs of your head are all numbered!
I think that’s at least worth a card and a phone call, don’t you?
[Narration:] Are you seeking the opportunity to raise a child the proper way, without liberal
and secular influences?
Does being the sole source of adult validation for a needy, despairing, and desperate child
sound like an ideal way to do God’s work?
Sanctioned by The One True Church, The Sacred Brothers Program is your golden opportunity
to provide guidance and leadership to a subordinate child and instill in them the word of God,
the meaning of God, the love of God, and of course the fear of God.
Mold the young men of tomorrow by teaching them the lessons you learned.
Like our motto says: spare the rod and spoil the child.
Look at all the other people and things that have days: presidents, groundhogs, trees,
Columbus, Martin Luther King, our nation’s fetid constitution, and let’s not forget
gays get an entire month!
Is one day devoted to thanking and appreciating Our Heavenly Father really so much to ask?
The problem, of course, is that Our Heavenly Father does not maintain an earthly residence,
but lives instead in the heavens.
Where would we send Our Heavenly Father’s Day cards?
Fortunately, the One True Church provides the answer.
When Our Lord Jesus Christ ascended to Heaven at the end of his time on Earth, he left St.
Peter in charge of the church, having declared, “whatsoever you shall bind upon earth, shall
be bound also in heaven.”
When Peter died, the church, compelled by divine inspiration, elected a new leader — a
new representative to stand in the place of Christ.
Today, that representative is the primate of the One True Church, the Holiest Father,
the totally exonerated Archbishop of Wilkes-Barre Angelicus II.
And since Christ and Our Heavenly Father are separate persons within the same trinity,
to stand in the place of Christ is to also stand in the place of God.
When you thank the Holiest Father, you are thanking Our Heavenly Father.
When you celebrate the Holiest Father, you are celebrating Our Heavenly Father.
When you obey the Holiest Father, you are obeying Our Heavenly Father.
And when you send a card or a small monetary gift to the Holiest Father, you are sending
it also to Our Heavenly Father.
Unfortunately, Our Heavenly Father’s Day has yet to be established.
Officially, that is.
Because the good news is, we don’t have to wait for it come printed on a calendar
to celebrate Our Heavenly Father’s Day.
We can celebrate it any day we want.
We can celebrate it by thanking Angelicus II for his good work, by celebrating his vision
and leadership of the One True Church, by obeying him and respecting his divinely invested
authority, and by supporting him and the One True Church as they carry Our Heavenly Father’s
will here in this miserable, fallen world.
A good place to start would be at the Church of St. Veritas this Sunday.
Bring your checkbook and yourself and show Our Heavenly Father how much you appreciate
him, vicariously, through Archbishop Angelicus.
That is, if that’s important to you.
Which it should be, unless you want to burn in Hell.
For The Whirlpool, I’m Michael Whirly.