You've seen him take on a bear and win- sort of.
You've seen him tackle the mean streets of Los Angeles to get a personal view of homelessness.
Now you're seeing, well, all of him, as he takes on his latest challenge and your favorite
staff writer goes full-nudist for a whole week!
And uh, spoiler alert: he's entirely too comfortable with this challenge, so stay tuned and find
out what it's like to live your life free as a bird, as the lab rat nearest and dearest
to your heart goes full commando for a week straight!
Day 1: Naked for a week.
That's it, just plain old naked.
No man-thong, no women's underwear, no... well, I don't know but I'm afraid to even
list something or Infographics is going to hop all over it and make me try it.
Just naked.
I think they've severely underestimated my comfort with being naked.
It's kind of weird really, because I have no problem going to a big gym locker room
and dropping trou, then hopping into the shower.
But I remember the man-thong challenge, oh man, now that was uncomfortable.
It's weird right?
Being ok with being naked but not wearing a man-thong.
Like I said in that challenge: I just feel like wearing a thong as a man is very much
making a statement that I'm not sure I can live up to.
Only the models who wear the things on catalogs or male strippers wear man-thongs.
You slap one of those in between your cheeks and drop your trousers in front of a bunch
of people- you're making one very bold statement about yourself.
So, alright, the rules are simple: be naked.
But also an addendum: don't break the law.
Well now isn't that a fine catch-22, because technically the only place you're allowed
to be naked is your own home.
And I'm not entirely sure what the law says about being naked in your home, but being
visible from the outside.
Let me explain.
Once, I was coming out of the shower at our old place, and since the shower connected
right to the bedroom I didn't bother taking clothes into the bathroom with me to change
into, or even wrapping a towel around myself.
My home, my castle.
What I didn't know, was that the girlfriend was taking that exact moment to go ahead and
wash the windows, and since we lived on a ground-floor apartment and you had to pass
our bedroom windows to get to the main front door to the whole complex, that meant that
three small children- estimated ages between 5 and 7- had a fully uncensored and un-impeded
view of, well, all of me.
The girlfriend immediately shrieked and literally- I'm not making this up- tackled me to the
ground.
I guess those kids never told anyone, because no angry parents ever came knocking on our
door.
I remember wondering if you could actually be forced to register as a sex offender for
just being nude in your own home.
I guess that's kind of a pertinent question now.
So I honestly don't see a problem with this challenge, though the girlfriend seems a bit
annoyed.
I asked her if she was just not that attracted to me anymore, to which she replied, “No
I think you're really hot but it doesn't mean I want to see that... thing, waving around
all over the place everytime I look up.”
Then she asked me how I would feel if she walked around naked for a week, to which I
told her that we would probably be making a baby announcement by day 2.
She sighed very deeply, rolled her eyes, and just whispered under her breath, “...men.”
Alright, I'm just diving straight into this thing.
All clothing has been gone already for like five minutes and you know what?
Feels great, man.
Free as the day I was born.
This is going to be a great week.
Day 3: This has been a great week so far.
Well, at least for me.
The girlfriend's running most of our errands, because we just moved into a cute little apartment
complex very near the beach and she really doesn't want me getting us kicked out.
Plus, she's home more often now that she's focusing more on her print modeling rather
than acting, so she doesn't have to travel out of town as much.
But you know what, she's not home all the time, and sometimes, the dog has to be let
out.
Or the mail has to be picked up.
And I refuse to be caged in.
I made an interesting discovery on day two of my all nude challenge, and that's the fact
that I don't think our neighbors really care one bit about nudity.
It's a small apartment complex with like eight units, a pool, and rent that's insanely expensive
because it's like two blocks from the beach.
Luckily the girlfriend makes like ten times the money I do, or we definitely wouldn't
be living here.
But it seems like the only other people who can afford to live here are retirees, and
man, the two I came across letting the dog out on day two just did not even blink at
my full nudeness.
I guess that once you get to a certain age in life, you've literally seen it all.
Or maybe we're in a community of freaky senior citizen sex weirdos- I've read the stats,
turns out that thanks to drugs like viagra today's seniors are getting it on so often
that they're suffering from rampant outbreaks of STDs.
Like entire nursing homes will break out in crabs because everyone is doing everyone else
in there.
For all we know the old coots we live with are having crazy sex parties behind closed
doors, and that's why they don't even bat an eye when I let my dog out to pee real quick
completely in the buff.
I'm suddenly really curious- and a little grossed out- about our mostly elderly neighbors!
So I let the dog out briefly a few times, I promised both the girlfriend and the infographics
show I wouldn't get in too much trouble, because I'm pretty sure they're starting to realize
that they have at least some legal liability in all of this.
What this means is that I let him out to the little garden that's like ten steps from our
door, he wees, and I bring him back in.
You know what, it's kind of outrageous that he gets to walk around in his birthday suit
and people think it's adorable.
But if I do it, it's literally a federal case.
Here's what's even weirder- I can wear a tiny, skin-tight speedo, and that's perfectly ok
too... and I should know, I had to do it for a week.
But if I wear nothing at all, time to call Johnny Law because suddenly I'm a felon.
Also, the sun feels great on your nude body.
Just throwing that out there- now I get why the dog loves lounging and napping in the
sun for hours.
On the homefront, the girlfriend's been... ambivalent about the situation.
I also feel like she randomly forgets, because today she came home from a long day of shooting
and walked through the front door, set her bag down, and paused as she spotted me, then
went, “oh, yeah, that's right.”
Like two hours ago she put her hand on her hip, looked at me and said, “If you're going
to do this for four more days, you need to at least landscape... that whole situation
down there.”
So I did, and well, two things.
One, I think our shower drain is not as big as the one in our last place, and two, I think
she was definitely right because by the time I was done it looked like Bob Ross's head
was stuck in our shower drain.
And stuck it was, that sucker got clogged but good.
She had to run to the store for emergency draino, and I fully admit, that was my bad.
Guys, either landscape frequently or have like a small trash can nearby.
Do not let it go down the drain, trust me.
Day 7: Another week gone, another weird challenge done and dusted.
Seven days living as natural as the day I was born.
Honestly, this challenge was easy for me.
I've never been bothered by being nude before, and it was kind of nice to be honest.
Don't get me wrong, it is weird at first because your entire life you've been programmed to
wear clothes.
So when you start being naked a little too long, it's like your brain is starting to
get worried that something weird is up because you should be dressed by now.
It's also really weird when you're being naked in other parts of the house besides your bedroom,
because then your brain is definitely screaming at you: this is the living room, this is a
place for clothes!
I'm lucky we live in SoCal by the way, and the weather is pretty much pleasant all the
time.
Doing this challenge somewhere icy cold would be a no-go, not least of all because of, you
know, shrinkage.
Hey, if I have to be naked for a week, then at least I want an honest representation and
not, you know, someone having a gander and being like, oh ok, and then me being, “no,
wait, come back when it's warmer it's just really cold out now!”
I told the girlfriend about that little scenario and she just shook her head and said that
I think about the weirdest things.
Speaking of her, I don't think she ever really adjusted.
She definitely felt... randier than usual this last week, which I guess is a huge compliment
to me, but she also kind of was weird about it- especially when eating.
I guess I don't blame her though, I mean, guy's junks are just kind of weird and gross
looking to begin with.
Everything below your waist and above your knees just kind of looks like a sad elephant.
God definitely did not make male genitalia to be very aesthetically pleasing.
I know I wouldn't want to be looking at it while eating dinner every night.
There's something to be said for pants after all.
About the only major hiccup in this whole thing was one incident with the mail man,
and let me tell you, our possible sex-freak elderly neighbors didn't seem to have a single
problem with this challenge, but our mailman definitely did.
Our mailbox is right next to the little garden that I had been taking the dog to pee at,
so I only have to be outside for like ten seconds in order to check the mail.
I heard the mailman opening the mail boxes, so I figured I'll wait until I hear him close
them, give it like thirty seconds, and then go grab the mail real quick.
It was a good plan in theory.
I hopped outside and briskly walked to the mailbox in all my full-nude glory.
Then at about the same time that I reached the mailbox, the mail man turned the corner
to our bank of mailboxes, so we ended up maybe three feet apart.
He had gone back to his little car to get a package he couldn't carry on his first trip.
Listen, put me in a tactical situation and I can think fast on my feet no problem.
Years of training and real-world experience have drilled reflex-like responses so deeply
into me that they're as natural as breathing.
But put me in a social situation and I'm as awkward as a man with one leg in an ass-kicking
contest.
My brain literally goes to mush.
So the only thing I could think of to break the incredible tension between me and this
complete stranger of a mail man who had just ran into me buck-naked, was to simply say,
“That's a big package.”
Now, I don't know if he thought this was a self-referential statement or a flirtatious
pick-up line from a nude stranger, but I know that what I meant to imply was that the package
was very large and it was clear why he had to make a second trip, and perhaps maybe he
needed help lifting it?
But no, instead of literally any of that, I basically either made this guy think I was
propositioning him or bragging.
New neighborhood, already off to an amazing start.
I think he was just as flustered as I was, because it seems like the only thing he could
think of in response to this whole, very nude situation was to scream out, “It is a federal
offense to impede the work of a postal office employee!”
Well, I certainly didn't want to make a federal case out of the situation- especially since
I'd avoided one with the kids at our old place.
So I high-tailed it back inside, and later told the girlfriend that maybe it would be
best if she picked up our mail from now on.
Alright, challenge over.
What did I learn?
Your butt gets really sweaty really easily, and it sticks to a lot of things.
If you're going to go nude, I recommend you invest in a lot of nice, soft cloth fabrics
to cover things with.
Otherwise you're going to be getting stuck to every chair you sit on.
Also, maybe don't get caught checking your mail completely in the nude by a very angry/confused
mailman.
They don't get paid enough for that.
Oh, remember how the girlfriend asked me how I'd feel if she walked around naked for a
week?
Well, I talked with the infographics show over skype call- which they made me go to
voice only after I stood up once to go get a drink.
Turns out, she's going to be doing this exact same challenge as part of the official launch
of our own channel!
So stay tuned for that and check out this challenge from her perspective.
Now we challenge you to sit right there and click here for another awesome challenge,
or maybe you prefer this video over here?
Either way you can’t lose, so click now!