Last time on
their shirts into their underwear.
so Link could climb a flagpole.
So much corn!
And Rhett could come clean about space camp.
Did you eat space ice cream?
Even got it for breakfast sometimes.
-They get tased by Maxwell...
...an old friend from high school,
who invites them to see his magic act
-that's actually not an act.
Oh, and Link realizes...
I don't have my phone.
It probably came out when you were getting tased.
The truth is somebody with a creepy metal hand
has it-- of course, they don't know that.
But you do. Enjoy.
I don't know. Maybe it's in here.
Okay, why don't you call yourself.
And I'll use my extreme reaching ability
to sense for the vibration.
And how exactly do I call myself?
You call your phone with my phone.
Oh, okay.
-(line ringing) -It's ringing.
-Shh! -I'm just telling you it's ringing
so you know when to listen for it.
I can't listen if you're telling me that it's ringing.
It was only supposed to be a brief initial comment,
-but now you're extending it. -Shh!
I-I think I might've heard it.
Oh, it went to voice mail. Hey... me.
It's me.
Just looking for
Hang up and call back.
Called back too quick. It went straight to voice mail.
Hey, it's me again.
Still no word on our phone, so--
Give me the phone.
(phone ringing)
Okay, if I'm gonna sell millions of these,
it's gonna have to work with phones!
We can do that, right?
Well, in order to work with capacitive touchscreens,
we'd have to have a reliable conductor to connect
your hand to the hand's fingers.
It-it could be done, but would likely raise the price over...
19.95?!
That's unacceptable!
Make it happen.
And make it happen for 19.95 or
three easy payments of 6.66.
Yes, ma'am, we can make it happen.
And why is that, man dip?
It's Mandip.
Whatever.
Put it around your neck.
(gasping)
Why is that?
Because renowned infomercial queen...
-Yeah. -...inventor of the Clock Rake,
Nanny Drone and the award-winning
-Cinnammon-Dusted Basketball, -Yeah.
four-time cover girl and four-time centerfold
of
Aimee Brell...
always makes it happen.
That's right!
She does, and she is me.
Me does.
(laughs) Look at the color of your face!
(laughing)
♪ ♪
-You sure it's even in the building? -I would think so.
Well, do that thing where you, uh, go on the Internet
-and track your phone. -Oh, I don't have that.
-I didn't turn that on. -Why?
I don't know. It just felt unnecessary
to toggle something on that said "find my phone"
when I actually had my phone.
Well, we're gonna have to go old school on this one.
Listen here, little britches.
When you find that you've lost something
♪ You've got to ♪
♪ Retrace your steps, my friend ♪
♪ You'll find in the beginning what you lost in the-- ♪
Okay, you got to recreate each step exactly like it happened
because we cannot miss a detail.
Okay, well,
when I was getting out of my car this morning,
you were already going in the building.
Okay.
Uh, where was I exactly?
Uh, closer to the door.
Closer.
Yeah, right about there.
And then when I got about halfway there,
you just went in the building and let the door shut.
I never saw you.
Well, you did a snap and point.
I don't do that.
Well, you made eye contact.
If so, it was unintentional.
And if you made it so upset, why are you waiting
till right now to say something about it?
It didn't seem like the type of thing to mention.
It was a more of "a minor infraction that combined
"with a bunch of other minor infractions leads to a sudden
"and uncontrollable emotional outburst
at some unforeseen point in the future" type thing.
But I forgive you.
But I'm not sorry.
And I know I had my phone,
because I took it out to get the code for the door.
We changed the code to 1234 so you'd remember it.
Right.
But I also forgot that we made that decision.
What is it?
And after that, uh, I headed into the kitchen
to get myself some coffee.
And there was this guy at the door
that I talked to for a second.
Wait, a guy?
Yeah, a guy trying to get me
to join some group.
Kind of seemed like a cult.
But that's gonna be hard to recreate, so...
Well, hold on now. We got to get the details right.
I mean, this guy-- what was he like?
What was he wearing? What he say?
He had on, like, a robe.
Super nice guy.
And pretty much everything he told me
is in this pamphlet that he left.
(knocking)
Hello, I'm Marsonius of the Secluded Ones.
Come in, Marsonius.
You just let him in like that?
Yeah, he was compelling.
Tell me, are experiencing satisfaction deep in your bosom?
Where exactly is the bosom?
Is that, like, the sternum?
Or more of the solar plexus?
Or just the general bread basket area?
Are you asking me that right now or did you ask Marsonius that?
I asked him that.
In the soft parts area.
But tell me, are you experiencing satisfaction there?
Uh, I don't really think about it much.
(mumbling)
Would you like to have the vibrational love
of Wahtatotateetik
-shoot through your loins? -Yes, Marsonius.
-You said that? -Yeah, it sounded good.
Okay.
Remove your shoes.
Yes, Marsonius.
Now, open yourself
to Wahtatotateetik!
♪ ♪
Well, anyway, we meet every Tuesday at 6:00 at the Y,
unless there's a jazzercise class,
in which case, we meet at the Sizzler.
You know what, you should just
follow me on Twitter for updates.
Which I did.
And that means I had my phone.
And then I came in here to pour myself some coffee.
And I happened to catch a glimpse
of my entire body reflected in my Thermos.
-That is a shiny Thermos. -At that point,
I thought to myself, "I might have on too much blue."
-Hmm. -Blue shirt, blue jeans.
It was just a head and then blue.
And you know what, I definitely had my phone
because I took a picture of myself,
and I texted it to my mom ask her
if she thought it was too much blue.
-What'd she say? -Too much blue.
So then I came in here to put on a difference shirt.
-This shirt. -That's my shirt.
Turns out this is your shirt.
-It was in my section. -You put it on backwards.
Turns out I put it on backwards.
This is a deep V.
If it were any deeper, I'd be wearing an apron.
Yeah, too deep-- that's why I put it in your section.
You thought I'd like a V this deep?
No, I thought you'd put it on backwards and not notice.
Well, what I did notice, at the very bottom of the V,
a mole I'd never seen before. Check it out.
Oh, yeah, there it is.
It could be back cancer.
Right, and that's how I know I had my phone.
-Mm-hmm. -Because I did an image search
for troublesome moles.
But what came up were pictures of cute,
mischievous moles.
Moles?
Moles.
Talking about the animal, right?
Yeah.
And once I clawed my way out of the rabbit hole of moles,
with their beady, little, non-functioning eyes,
I became curious what it would be like to live life as a mole.
So I closed my eyes
and got down on all fours,
and I made my way to my locker
for my second deodorant application of the day.
But I accidentally opened your locker
and found...
a secret (echoing): passage.
(stammers) No need to go in there.
But I went in there.
And then,
at the other end of this secret passage,
I found this freaking secret room.
Wow. Never seen this before.
Definitely the first time I've ever been in here.
And this exercise bike.
Is this yours?
Oh, I mean, there could be another guy name Rhett
who's been storing
his bike through my locker.
I mean, anything's possible. Hey, don't touch it!
Dude, how long have you had it?
Well, I haven't had it forever.
I mean, I got it before we met.
-Before first grade? -I got it in kindergarten.
Friends don't keep secret bikes secret.
Well, this is a very special bike.
What makes it so special?
♪ This is my exercise bike ♪
♪ It's got a lot of features that I like ♪
♪ Like a seat ♪
♪ And pedals for my feet ♪
♪ And handlebars for me to hold onto ♪
That's all pretty standard.
♪ This is my exercise bike ♪
♪ You ought to see just how fast I ride ♪
(whistling melody)
♪ Look at me ♪
♪ Going faster than the speed ♪
♪ Of a pregnant cheetah ♪
How pregnant?
Half pregnant.
♪ It's like I'm riding in the Tour de France ♪
♪ But in his mind, that what he means ♪
♪ Don't need no drugs to boost my performance ♪
♪ Just test his pee, you'll see he's clean ♪
♪ Got to the top totally on my own ♪
♪ He's a man of his word ♪
♪ No, that's not a syringe of human growth hormone ♪
♪ It's happy gerbil herbs ♪
♪ Herbs ♪
♪ This is just my exercise bike ♪
♪ The resistance goes from low to high ♪
(whistling melody)
♪ And when it's high ♪
♪ It makes it seem like I ♪
♪ Am going up an incline ♪
Well, yeah, that's generally how they work.
♪ You need to stop it with your accusing ♪
♪ He's just an natural athlete ♪
♪ No, I'm not getting a blood transfusion ♪
♪ It's just a bag of pudding ♪
♪ And look at this ball, it's not deflated at all ♪
♪ Plus it's irrelevant to this conversation ♪
♪ And no, I didn't send my cousin to the Congo ♪
♪ To extract the DNA of a gorilla ♪
♪ And then formulate it into a sports drink ♪
♪ Which I personally endorse ♪
It's called Gorillergy.
♪ This is just my exercise bike. ♪
Wow.
Yes, anyway.
This is my, uh, super special,
secret, super secret, special bike.
-Can I ride it? -No.
Hmm, so you don't tell me about the bike.
You don't tell me about space camp.
What else have you not told me about?
I eat my fried chicken from the inside out.
-What? -I'm actually only six feet tall.
I just wear shoes that look like more leg.
I'm maroon-burgundy color blind.
For the first ten years of friendship,
I thought your name was Lonk.
I can't remember what zebras look like.
I have a safety deposit box in Peoria, Illinois,
with a conch shell in it.
I can't tell left from right unless I use the L.
I love M. Night Shyamalamalama's
I don't know how to tell analog time.
On Sundays, I play in a Bob Marley xylophone cover band.
I think clouds and dinosaurs are fake.
And I'm Banksy.
(sighs) Feels good to get all that out.
(grunting)
Wait, did you have your phone in there?
Yeah, I took some pictures of your bike.
Oh, send me those. I have a scrapbook.
For the bike.
Then what'd you do?
-After that, we went to lunch. -Yeah.
And I know I had my phone there.
Yeah, 'cause you showed me that list of former child stars
who now work at national parks
-Right. -but have coincidentally aged
in such a way as to resemble
the animals in the parks where they work.
Right, and I remember putting my phone down
-on the counter... -Mm-hmm.
That's the last place I remember seeing my phone.
Bingo.
But I don't remember anyone taking it.
Yeah, we would've noticed that.
Take a look at that.
-That's Jonathan Taylor Thomas? -Yeah.
-And that is a prairie dog. -That is uncanny.
Yeah, I know, and the amazing thing is
that is a black-tailed prairie dog--
the only species of prairie dog to be found in North Dakota
in Theodore Roosevelt National Park,
the employer of Junior Park Ranger...
RHETT: J-double-T himself.
LINK: What are the chances?
AIMEE: This phone... (sighs)
This phone... (sighs)
This phone holds the potential
of reaching everyone who watches
with my suite
of life-altering BrellLyfe products.
But it is locked,
and I cannot figure out the passcode,
and it's making me...
crazy!
(gasps)
(Aimee groans)
I have a headache.
(phone clicks)
It was 1-2-3-4.