Hey guys, in this video we're going to talk about
why women test men
and why it's actually good news for you
if she is testing you.
Then we're going to go over a few examples
of what these tests might look like.
Whether you just met her
or you've been dating for a little while
or you're in a solid committed relationship.
And we're going to go over
how to handle it.
So, if you're new to my channel
my name is Anna Jorgensen
I'm a dating coach for men
in Vancouver Canada.
(Music)
So, let's go for the good news first.
The good news is that
if she is actually testing you
it might be because she's actually
interested in you romantically or sexually.
If she's not testing you at all
then there is a high probability
that she's not interested in you
in those ways.
And the second good news is that
testing doesn't last forever.
She'll eventually start fading out
from wanting to do that or feeling the need
to do that with you
unless three different things.
And we're going to actually go over
what those three things might be
later on in the video.
But first let's talk about
why women actually test men to begin with.
So,
what often happens is that
women are instinctive
in doing these tests
because
you can
tell a girl something
or tell a woman something,
but if your actions don't line up
with your words
there can be in-congruency
and women want congruency.
So, basically
your actions speak louder than your words.
And she needs to know that
you have strength
because if you don't have strength
then it gives you a lower
grade score
as a potential long-term mate.
Even if she's only looking for a short-term relationship
even if she's only looking for
a tonight relationship.
So, she really is looking for your strength.
Now, another reason why
a woman might test you
is because of her own insecurities.
So, for example, if she perceives your
a sexual market value
as higher than hers
then she may test you
or kind of give you the gears
to try and bring you down a little bit
so that you don't see
that you're higher value than she is.
And it might not be
that she actually is lower value
than you
surface level
according to what society might think,
but if her own
insecurities make her feel that way
she may test you in that respect.
And then the third reason
would be because
as human beings
we naturally like to push boundaries.
And this is something that both men and women do
in all types of relationships
so that is just a natural
consequence of being
a human.
So, let's go through some of the
examples of what these tests might look like.
So, if you've just met a girl or a woman.
Girl woman whatever
in a bar
or in a restaurant
or anywhere
generally speaking.
One of the tests might look like her
sort of dissing you
on a physical level.
Like so for example she might say
I don't date guys
unless they're you know
a certain height
or you're too old
or you're too young.
She's going to see how you handle that.
Now, she might not be interested in you
regardless there might be
there's no way you're going to get past that,
but if there's a potential
for her to have interest
and you don't pass that test
then of course
it's going to be the no-go zone.
Another thing that she might test you in
is if it's actually a personality trait.
So, she might say
I don't go for guys
who are so aggressive
or she might say
I don't go for guys who are players.
So, that might be something
that she'll reject you
or test you
to see if you're going to move forward
based on your personality
not a physicality.
Another thing that she might test you with
is saying that she has a boyfriend
when she actually really doesn't.
We've covered that in another video.
Another thing she might test you with is
saying she's too busy to date.
Another thing she might say is that you're not her type.
So, these are all
sort of forms of tests
that might be true,
but you might actually
be able to get past them
if you know how to handle yourself.
So, then the next thing is if you're
dating a woman
and you've gone on any number of dates
then she'll have different forms of tests.
That's for when you're in that stage of the relationship.
So, for example if she's testing you
in this stage of the relationship
it might look like
canceling
or rescheduling dates
or especially last-minute.
Or it might be
where you've chosen a venue
and she shows up and she doesn't like it
and she wants to go to a different venue.
It could be arguing with you
about insignificant issues
or trying to get you to change your mind
to agree with her.
It could be her
trying to make you jealous of other guys
either by her actions when you're out with her
or by her telling you about other guys in her life.
Or she might freak out about you
not replying to texts right away.
And then once you're actually in
a solid committed relationship
some of the tests that
she might
present to you at this stage of the game
would be
trying to keep you from going out
with your guy friends
or trying to keep you from
hobbies that you've
enjoyed for many years.
Another thing might be
if she is going out with her girlfriends,
but she's going out to the bar
or she's you know going out
and staying out really late.
So, that's a form of a test.
Another thing would be
constantly drilling you about your exes
or the other women in your life
whether they're in your social circle
or at work.
And this can also happen actually when you're dating
making you or trying to make you choose an activity
that she wants to do
over an activity you want to do
or even that you've already scheduled to do
trying to get you to cancel your activity
to do the thing with her.
And then the final thing.
Well, not final thing there's lots of things,
but another really
big red flag for *** tests
is disrespecting you
in her actions or her words.
So, if she
ridicules you or
name calls or freaks out
and really loses her temper
or in her actions
by disrespecting you and
just going out with her girlfriends
when you had other plans or things like that
those are all forms of tests.
And the reality is that
we teach people how to treat us.
So, the more you let her push
just like a little kid
she is going to get away with more,
but she's going to respect you less.
And respect
precludes attraction.
If you do not have her respect
she will not be able to get aroused for you.
And she will keep wanting to test you
until you can show strength
because that's when she will be able to submit
and relax back into her feminine.
So, this is why it's so important for you
to be able to handle these tests well.
Of course you want to know
how to handle these tests.
And there's two different ways
to handle these tests
depending on if it's something shallow
and you just met her
or if it's something more serious and you're in a relationship.
We're going to go over that shortly,
but first just a couple of
notations about these tests
is that
whoever is willing to walk away from the deal
has the greater negotiating power.
So, you always have to maintain
now and forever after
that you are willing to walk away from the deal.
That she's the lucky one to be with you.
You have to have
that internal mentality
that you won't put up with crap.
Otherwise, you're going to have to put up with crap
and she's going to feel that from you
and when she feels weakness
then she will constantly need to test you.
So, that's just one point.
The other thing to note is that
we tend to attract our emotional equal.
So,
we will enter into relationships
with people who are
somewhat on the same emotional
intelligence level as we are.
So, if she's really messed up
and you're staying there
then you're probably pretty messed up
to be there to begin with.
Sorry guys, but this is the reality.
And we
will not allow someone else to treat us
any better or any worse
than we think we deserve.
So, I'm going to say that again
because it's really important.
We don't allow other people to treat us
any better
or any worse
than what we think we deserve.
So, think about that one.
That one's like super important.
Like oh, really.
Oh, really!
Yeah, sorry really.
So, that's just a couple of
side notes there
testing doesn't last forever.
So, I said
it doesn't last forever unless.
So, there's three reasons why
she will either start testing you again
or she'll continue testing you.
So, the first reason
is that
at some point in time
you've shown
weakness,
which usually
shows up as a lack of confidence
in your own masculinity.
A good example of when this can happen
is if you've lost your job
and you've started to really
wonder about your own value
as a man.
And she will need to make sure
that you can still
you know be strong for her
even if you are going through the
*** storms of life.
Another reason why it can happen
is if something's happen in her world.
Like, maybe she's gained weight.
These are the common ones
that happen in relationships.
So, if she's like
gained a lot of weight
and she's wondering about her own value
or you're not as attracted to her.
You're not having sex as often
then she may start to test you
because she is
wanting to get
reassurance
about her value in the relationship.
And then the third reason
that she will either
well, usually in the third reason
if she's testing you she'll just continuously tests you
and if that's happening
it's because she's emotionally messed up.
Really, really emotionally messed up
and hasn't dealt with things in her own life
and she's going to continue to test you
and if she ever does get over that she might leave you.
I've done another video on that actually.
And so, those are the three reasons
that the tests can continue
or start again
down the road.
So, no matter what
test you're presented with.
Whether it's something shallow or something
more substantial
you need to be cool,
calm, collected,
grounded in your masculinity
and basically think 007
You know non-reactive.
As soon as you show
an emotional reaction
that's feminine.
Women are emotional.
Men are
stoic, strong.
Well, I mean yeah, you have your moments,
but we need you to be
stoic and strong
and masculine and alpha
when we're testing you
because that's the test.
Are you going to be strong?
Are you going to be alpha?
Are you going to be able to stay
cool, calm, collected
when stuff comes up?
Not just with us but with
life in general.
We need to be able to count on that.
So,
that's one part of it.
And then also another part of it too
is lying equals weakness right?
Because lying means
you can't accept
the responsibility
for the consequences of your actions.
So, no matter what's going on in your world
you need to be able to be honest with a woman
even if
you're telling her the thing
she really doesn't want to hear.
She will be upset in the moment for sure.
Expected,
but she'll respect you more.
She'll get over it
and she'll...
If she's not really, really emotionally damaged
she will come around
and you'll be able to work it out.
So, with shallow tests
like about height or
I don't, I'm not ready to date ready to date or
anything that's like not really consequential
you're just going to treat it
like a...
You're going to treat her like a bratty little sister.
Be playful, be fun, be flirty,
tease her
even offer some sarcasm.
So, as an example
if she says I only date tall guys.
Because I know a lot of you guys are
concerned about your height,
which is really insignificant, but
you think it is so
you need to get over that, but
anyways, a really good one for that
is well, it really doesn't matter
you know when we're horizontal
anyway does it wink, right?
Or you could say
date who said anything about date.
That's moving a little too fast for me you know
or something just really fun and playful that
kind of just brushes it off
and then you can move forward.
You got to remember
that if you react.
If you
go into fight or flight or fear mode
then that is going to trigger her
to want to test you more.
Not to want to test you more
to actually need to test you more.
It's just going to happen.
So, you need to be able to
be non-reactive.
So, you just got to be cool
like you can handle anything.
That's the bottom line she wants to know
that you can handle anything in life.
Yeah, I know it's a tall order.
Now, if it's a more serious
test.
Like she's not going to let you
go out with your guy friends
or you've had a fight
and she wants you to sleep on the couch.
You need to
again still be cool, calm, and collected,
but also stand your ground
and call her out.
You can even say hey,
are you testing me?
Because this isn't going to fly.
If you're mad inside don't
present anger because that's
only going to fuel
her emotional reactivity.
You just need to be grounded and calm.
If she says
I don't want you hanging out with those friends
or I don't want you going out with the guys,
you always come home drunk or whatever.
Those are my bros,
we're not going out
banging
strippers.
You're my girl,
I'll see you later tonight.
Short and sweet
but definitive.
If you don't like it, the attitude underlying
is that if you don't like it
you can leave.
So,
not angry
not challenging her to actually do that
just being solid
in your masculinity.
And she will respect that.
She won't like it in the moment.
She'll probably put up a fuss.
She might I mean if she's really
emotionally mature she won't.
She'll probably test you last
if that's the case,
but if she's upset
that's okay
she knows the,
the options
you accepted
and be a grown-up about it
or you move on and find somebody else
because I know I can find somebody else.
So, that's your attitude
because you're the prize.
Women just want you to believe it too.
So, remember
respect
precludes
attraction
and we teach people
how to treat us.
So, I love to know your thoughts
on the *** test.
Please comment below.
If you like this video
click like, subscribe, share,
and
I'd love to read your comments.
I'm loving reading your comments,
something about the comments.
Not sure about the comments.
Just remember
that if she's testing you.
Especially in the beginning.
It's a sign of interest.
And if she's testing you later on
then it's a sign that
either she's feeling a little insecure
or you're feeling a little insecure.
Or she's pretty messed up
and you might want to think about
upgrading.
All right, thanks for being here
I'll see you in the next video.
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