Trump isn't the only person
who's in hot water for this whole Ukrainian
Hunter Biden, Joe Biden scandal.
It may also take town the person
Trump hired to protect him-- Rudy Giuliani.
The question is,
has Giuliani done enough to also be impeached?
Well, let's get to it
in The Daily Show's courtroom drama and find out.
ANNOUNCER: Time to put your gavel where your mouth is.
This is the courtroom of... Judge Mental.
(cheers and applause)
(with British accent): All rise!
Ha! I didn't say, "Simon says."
Welcome to the impeachment trial of Rudy Giuliani,
personal attorney to the president
and courageous rabies survivor.
Giuliani is accused of a number of high crimes
that have thrust this nation into turmoil.
So let's begin the trial.
First count!
The president's lawyer's accused of being the ringleader
of this entire circus.
Let's see the evidence.
NEWSWOMAN: The whistle-blower singles out Rudy Giuliani
as a "central figure" in the scandal.
The president's personal lawyer is mentioned 30 times
in the complaint, which cites meetings he had
with at least seven Ukrainian officials.
U.S. officials were deeply concerned
by Giuliani's circumvention
of national security decision-making
and efforts to relay messages
between the White House and Ukraine.
Yes, it appears Rudy Giuliani
was the anus of this entire operation.
Everything passed through him
and it stinks to high heaven!
(whooping, applause)
Order!
For God's sake, he was mentioned 30 times
in the whistle-blower's report.
That's 29 times too many.
I mean, you know you're in trouble
if you control-F your name in a whistle-blower's report,
and the screen lights up like a motel bed under a black light!
(laughter)
But that alone is not enough to impeach a law-yah.
For impeachment to occur,
I would need to see if he in fact
has made things worse for his client
by constantly saying far too much on TV.
-(laughter) -Roll the evidence!
NEWSWOMAN: Giuliani has admitted to pressuring Ukraine
to open an investigation into former vice president Joe Biden
and his son Hunter.
NEWSMAN: Giuliani publicly announced
he planned to travel to Ukraine to push for investigations
that he told The New York Times:
"...will be very, very helpful to my client."
At the time, Giuliani said:
"We're not meddling in an election.
We're meddling in an investigation."
NEWSWOMAN: ...then saying:
Did you ask the Ukraine to investigate Joe Biden?
No. Actually, I didn't.
Never asked anything about Hunter Biden?
You never asked anything about Joe Biden?
The only thing I asked about Joe Biden
is to get to the bottom of how it was that Lutsenko,
who was appointed, dismissed the case against...
So you did ask Ukraine to look into Joe Biden?
-Of course I did. -You just said you didn't.
(laughter)
Yes.
It appears Giuliani...
was outsmarted by Chris Cuomo.
-(laughter) -Which, in and of itself,
is a crime!
And even worse, this so-called "mastermind"
confessed on national television.
Never in my four-minute career as a judge
have I seen anything like this.
The more Giuliani speaks, the more he implicates Donald Trump.
He's like the conservative Tekashi 6ix9ine.
That snitching-ass bitch.
(cheering, applause)
So...
the defendant has made multiple confessions,
and honestly, this thing is going a lot easier
than I expected.
I wish all the cases before me went like this.
So let's move on to our third charge,
which may be the most damning of all.
Rudy Giuliani stands accused
of being one crazy-ass mother (bleep).
-(laughter) -Evidence, please!
And the reason they want me to be silent
is not because I'm unhinged, it's because I've got...
facts.
"What's this guy Romney like?"
You know what I told him? He's our Al Gore.
(deep voice): I told the president of the Ukraine
that we're gonna fight corruption.
-Shut up, moron! Shut up! -(talking over each other)
Let me finish, Chris! Let me finish.
-I want to move the conversa... -Washington press corps.
'Cause he's a Democrat. 'Cause he's a Democrat.
A lot of criminals are not all that... I'm sorry.
A lot of alleged criminals are not all that smart.
That's how we catch them.
Do you think I'm stupid?
You think I've given you all my evidence?
The only person that counts in an extortion,
alleged extortion, is the victim.
-We're out of ti... time, Rudy. -He said I wasn't pressured.
It doesn't matter if Schiff was...
All right, Rudy, we're out of time.
-It matters if he was. -Sorry to cut you off.
You got to get your voice back.
Order! Order!
Clearly, this man is out of control.
I mean, it says a lot when you are the most unhinged person
-on Fox News. -(laughter)
That's like being the smelliest person at a Burning Man.
Very hard to pull off.
And so...
I think I've seen all I need to render my verdict.
On the charges of interfering in foreign affairs,
acting as the president's personal thug
and just being an overall hot mess,
in breach of the Hot Mess Act of 1834,
this court finds you,
Rudolph William Dracula Giuliani,
guilty!
-Your punishment... -(cheering, applause)
your punishment...
will be 200 years of community service,
where you will be frightening children
at one of those spooky Halloween houses.
Court is adjourned!