-Minions. What do I think of Minions?
[ Breathes sharply ]
Minions are a plague, a substantial plague
on not only the entertainment industry
but on merchandise everywhere.
I can't escape Minions for some reason.
I see them in my sleep now,
because they fill the Internet
and my mind and retailers.
When I leave the store -- ugh.
[ Sighs ]
They're all right.
"The Bachelor."
Is that one where, like, a bunch of women
vie for the attention of a single man
who's, like, kind of carefree but also rich?
I mean...
It's entertainment, ain't it?
[ Chuckles ]
Not one that I would watch.
ASMR videos.
Is that the one where, like, people chew
really close to the mic
and, like, you can hear, like, the teeth
clanging against the teeth?
That's disgusting.
That's disgusting. It's kind of therapeutic, though.
I don't know. I was always one of those guys that
when someone would chew bubble gum too loud,
it would make me cringe.
This kind of feels like that.
That kind of feels like --
There's something, like, pseudo-erotic about it
that I think is why the videos spread so much,
is that someone wants to be, like, that close to you,
twirling your hair.
Like, I don't want that person in my life listening to that.
You know what I mean?
Sorry.
Okay.
AirPods. What are AirPods?
Oh, I just got some of those.
Yeah.
I just feel like all of these new pieces of hardware
are an attempt for us to buy other pieces of hardware
associated with something we feel like we're lacking.
Like, the removal of the auxiliary port to me
is just an attempt for us to lose smaller bits
that they're selling to us so we can continuously get hooked
on this chain of buying additional hardware.
This is why I don't like that. I'm a utilitarian guy.
I like my stuff to be --
It's got to be like a Swiss Army Knife.
I know it's all gonna be there.
I know my headphones are gonna
get tangled as hell in my pocket,
but I want to pull them out and they're my tangled headphones.
And I'm just gonna plug them right in
and still be able to charge my phone.
This is something that seems like a pretty commonplace idea.
[ Sighs ]
Google Arts & Culture app --
matches selfies with faces from paintings.
I like this in theory, but then I did it in practice,
and all I got were female cooks.
It just kept matching me with female cooks.
And maybe it's 'cause I took a little bit of offense,
but I like the idea that
it's bringing more people into this app,
and from there, they're sort of branching out and seeing --
Like, I found a bunch of really cool photography exhibits
from this app after I had a little bit of a rage
once I took a selfie.
Corgi photos.
What's not to like?
I feel like the Internet is in the Wild West right now
and you get the really bad, weird, anonymous stuff,
and then you get the really good, wonderful, cute stuff.
And dogs and cats and, like, how popular they've grown
and how connected we feel to some pet owner's life
is the good part of the Internet
because for bits and pieces at a time,
I can look at a bunch of corgis running down a hallway,
slipping on the tile and whatnot,
and actually have a little giggle, you know what I mean?
That's the good stuff.
Man buns. I had a man bun.
♪♪
Slime videos.
What's a slime video?
It's just a person on Instagram, like,
pushing their fingers into it, making a fart noise.
Yeah, look, you got to go
and talk to your therapist about those videos.
Like, I'm not -- absolutely not qualified
to be any sort of authority on whether or not
you should address this in a public setting.
But you should probably talk to a psychiatrist
if, like, all you're doing is watching slime videos
day after day, hour after hour.
The term "shipping a couple."
I don't really understand the actual term.
But I think it's cute.
The first -- Oh, man, this is an embarrassing confession.
The first books I really got hooked to as a child
were Japanese romance mangas.
And essentially the only idea behind them was exactly this,
was shipping the characters inside of these mangas.
And they were a primarily a young girl demographic.
And so, you know,
me internalizing masculinity in the West at that age,
I felt like I had to hide and read them.
But you don't.
And you know what? It's totally fine.
You read whatever you want and like it.
The shroom room.
That's where we're sitting right now.
I feel like I'm breathing spores
and that slowly but surely,
my gut is actually being healed.
There are good types of mushrooms
and bad types of mushrooms.
Knowing your mycology is an important part of growing
and understanding the landscape and your immediate environment.
If you can know what plants are your friends,
then you're gonna have a wonderful hike.