>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
MY GUEST TONIGHT IS THE EMMY AWARD-WINNING COMEDIAN YOU KNOW
FROM THE OFFICE, EXTRAS AND HOSTING ALL OF THOSE GOLDEN
GLOBES.
HE CURRENTLY STARS IN SEASON TWO OF "AFTER LIFE" PLEASE WELCOME
TO A LATE SHOW RICKY GERVAIS, HELLO, RICKY GERVAIS.
>> HI, HOW IS IT GOING?
>> Stephen: IT'S FINE, HOW IS IT GOING WITH YOU?
>> YEAH, GOOD, CAN'T COMPLAIN.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
>> WELL, KZ CAN'T COMPLAIN.
>> WELL, I CAN, BUT I WON'T, NOT WHEN-- WHEN THERE'S NURSES DOING
14 HOUR SHIFTS, I DON'T THINK IT'S RIGHT FOR ME TO COMPLAIN.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> AND ALSO IF I'M BEING HONEST, I SORT OF PREFER IT.
I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE COMING TO THE HOUSE.
I DON'T LIKE GETTING DRESSED UP TO GO PLACES.
>> Stephen: DO YOU LIKE PEOPLE IN GENERAL?
DO YOU LIKE PEOPLE EVEN IF YOU GO TO THEM?
ARE YOU A FAN OF PEOPLE?
>> WELL, I PREFER ANIMALS.
PEOPLE ARE GOOD.
I MEAN I'VE GOT NOTHING-- NOTHING AGAINST
PEOPLE.
I DON'T-- I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH THEM.
LIKE-- .
>> Stephen: YOU'RE NOT GOING TO ACTIVELY ATTACK PEOPLE BUT
ARE YOU NOT GOING TO WASTE YOUR TIME DEFENDING PEOPLE.
>> I LIKE THIS, THIS IS BETTER THAN HAVING TO GET DRESSED UP
AND GO TO THE STUDIO, NOT THAT I GET DRESSED UP.
>> Stephen: NO, ARE YOU WEARING WHAT I ALWAYS WEARK A
BLACK T-SHIRT.
THANK YOU FOR DRESSING UP, I ASSUMED IF I SAW YOU AT HOME YOU
WOULD JUST BE NAKED BECAUSE THAT ISTHE ONLY WAY DOWN FROM WHAT
YOU USUALLY WEAR.
>> I AM NAKED FROM THE WAIST DOWN.
BUT LISTEN, THE REASONS WHY IS I DON'T LOOK GOOD IN ANYTHING.
I COULD HAVE A HANDMADE, MADE TO MEASURE ARMANI SUIT AND I STILL
LOOK CRAP.
SO I JUST GO FOR COMFORT.
SO THAT'S WHY, SO THIS SORT OF SUITS ME.
I MADE SURE THERE WAS ENOUGH FOOD IN THE HOUSE FOR THREE
MONTHS.
>> Stephen: THAT'S GOOD.
>> YEAH.
BUT IT'S FUNNY, WELL, BECAUSE I SAW ON THE NEWS THE LOCKDOWN WAS
COMING.
AND I SAW PEOPLE FIGHTING IN SUPERMARKETS OVER TOILET ROLLS,
SO BUYING HUNDREDS-- WHO CARES ABOUT-- IF ARMAGEDDON, IF IT IS
THE END OF CIVILIZATION, HONESTLY, MY WOULD SWAP MY LAST
ROLLS FOR A BOTTLE OF WINE, WHO CARES, LISTEN, IF IT'S THE END
OF THE WORLD I WOULD RATHER BE DRUNK AND WIPE MY ASS ON THE
CURTAIN, WHY WAS THAT THE FIRST THING THAT PEOPLE THOUGHT, WHAT
WERE THEY-- WHY WERE THEY SO SCARED, WE HAVE TO CLEAN UP, WE
HAVE TO CLEAN UP.
IT'S LIKE'S GOING TO DIE.
>> Stephen: MY THOUGHT WAS YOU DON'T OWN A SHOWER?
>> YEAH, EXACTLY.
SUDDENLY THE BIDET IS POPULAR AGAIN, HAVE I NEVER USED ONE IN
MY LIFE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY WERE THINKING.
MAYBE THEY'RE WORRIED ABOUT GETTING INTO HEAVEN AND MAYBE
THEY'RE WORRIED ABOUT THEIR-- .
>> Stephen: WAIT, ARE YOU IMPLYING, AND AGAIN JUST SHOWING
HOW MUCH YOU LOVE PEOPLE, ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT THE CHRISTIAN
TRADITION INVOLVES TOILET PAPER IN SOME WAY, THAT NETHER HYGIENE
IS SHOW RELATED TO ST. PETER'S CHECK LIST?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
>> Stephen: IT'S NOT.
>> NO, I DON'T THINK-- .
>> Stephen: IT'S NOT.
>> I THINK, I THINK SALTAN-- SATAN SCH MORE
CONCERNED WITH THE STATE OF YOUR ASS.
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT GOD IS CONCERNED WITH?
WINE.
HE'S VERY UPSET IF THERE IS ONLY WATER.
HE TURNS IT INTO WINE.
SO RIGHT THERE, RICKY, THE TWO OF YOU AGREE ON SOMETHING.
COME ON OVER TO THE WINNING TEAM.
>> YEAH, WELL, I KNOW, I KNOW.
YOU WANT ME TO-- YOU WANT ME TO FIND GOD.
>> Stephen: I DON'T NESESLY WANT YOU TO.
DO WHAT YOU WANT.
LIVE AND LET LIVE, I SAY.
I AM JUST SAYING THERE ARE APPEALING ASPECTS TO IT.
>> MAYBE HE DOESN'T WANT ME TO FIND IT.
THIS IS A BIG HOUSE.
I HAVE LOOKED EVERYWHERE, I HAVEN'T FOUND HIM YET.
HE MIGHT BE HERE, YOU KNOW, HE CAN'T PROVE THE NONEXISTENCE OF
SOMETHING, SO HE MIGHT BE HERE AND IF HE DIDN'T WANT ME TO FIND
T I WOULDN'T FIND IT.
IF ARE YOU AN ALL POWERFUL BEING, ARE YOU THE BEST I WOULD
THINK IN THE UNIVERSE.
SO I MIGHT BE LOOKING AND I MIGHT HAVE LOOKED IN ONE ROOM
AND HE IS WATCHING ME.
AND WHEN I LEAVE THAT ROOM HE GOES IN THAT ROOM.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> IF GOD DOESN'T WANT ME TO FIND HIM, I'M NOT GOING TO FIND
HIM.
>> Stephen: YOU SAID THE CORONAVIRUS HAS MADE YOU A MORE
MORAL PERSON.
HOW SO?
>> BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE TO LIE NOW TO GET OUT OF WORK AND
SOCIAL OCCASIONS.
I CAN JUST SAY NO, I'M NOT DOING IT BECAUSE THE VIRUS.
YOU GO OH YEAH, FAIR ENOUGH.
WELL SOMEONE SAID TO ME OH, CAN YOU COME TO MY CRIST EVERYONING
OR-- I GO OH, I CAN'T, I'M GIVING BLOOD AT THE ORPHANAGE.
AND SO I FELT BAD ABOUT THAT.
BUT NOW I JUST GO NO, I'M TOO FAT AND OLD TO RISK IT.
I WILL DIE.
I CAN'T COME SEE YOU AND THEY GO YES, FAIR ENOUGH.
>> Stephen: THAT'S A TERRIBLE LIE BY THE WAY.
I'M GIVING BLOOD AT THE ORPHANAGE.
THAT PAINTS A VERY STRANGE PICTURE, I HAVE GOT TO SAY.
OH NO, WE'RE JUST SPRAYING IT AROUND, WE'RE NOT PUTTING IT IN
BAGS.
I'M TRYING TO TEACH THESE ORPHANS THAT IT COULD GET WORSE.
IMAGINE A STRANGE MAN CAME TO GIVE BLOOD.
>> ST NOT EVEN-- A LOT HAVE DIED BECAUSE MY-- .
>> Stephen: THAT'S T HAVE I GOT TO DO THAT TODAY RATHER THAN
COME TO YOUR CRISTENING.
>> EXACTLY.
BY THE WAY WE HAVE SKIPPED OVER THIS, BUT WHAT IS YOUR DRINK OF
CHOICE.
YOU SAY THAT YOU HAVE, THE FIRST THING YOU DID WAS STOCK UP ON
ALCOHOL, WHAT IS YOUR DRINK OF CHOICE, WHAT IS YOUR.
>> IT ST THE EVENING SO I HAVE A LITTLE BEER.
THIS IS A LITTLE IPA AND THEN I WILL PROBABLY GO ON TO THE RED
WINE LATE WE ARE MY MEAL.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> SO YEAH.
>> Stephen: YOU DON'T DO THE SPIRITS.
>> I LIKE A WHISKEY BUT I THINK YOU HAVE TO DO THAT VERY
SPARINGLY, CHRISTMAS, WHEN THERE IS, NO, I'M A LITTLE BIT SCARED
OF BEING THAT GUY THAT DRINKS WHISKEY, YEAH, NO, IT'S TOO
FRIGHTENING.
>> Stephen: OKAY, SURE.
SO YOU HAVE A DEPENDENCY BUT A VERY SOFT ONE.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK BUT STICK AROUND,
EVERYBODY, WHEN WE COME BACK RICKY WILL GIVE US A BLOW BY
BLOW DETAILED DESCRIPTION OF WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO HIS BODY
AFTER HE DIES.
WORTH THE WAIT.