FOREVER GREG GUTFELD TAKES IT FROM HERE.
>> Greg: YOU LOOK FANTASTIC
AND MASH.
HAPPY THURSDAY, EVERYONE.
I OFTEN WAKE UP TO THE SAME
THING EVERY MORNING.
LARRY KUDLOW ASKING ME IF HE CAN
USE MY TOOTHBRUSH.
I SAID YES.
I ALSO WAKE UP TO A QUESTION IN
MY BRAIN, WHOSE APARTMENT IS
THIS WHERE ARE MY PANTS BUT ALSO
JUST DOES POLITICS MAKE PEOPLE
ARE YOU PEOPLE TALK POLITICS.
IS THE REALLY THE CHICKEN AT A
QUESTION.
NOBODY WANTS TO FEET, NANCY OR
JOE OR BETO FOR BREAKFAST.
FIRST THERE IS BETO, AN
UNEMPLOYED AND UNEMPLOYED CAREER
POLITICIAN, HE HAD UP PRESS
CONFERENCE --
A DAY AFTER THAT TEXAS FOR
SHOOTING HIM ONLY TO GRANDSTAND
FOR POLITICAL REASONS THIS GUY
IS THE POLITICAL IN SPEAK OF
FULL POT COMBINED.
>> SIT DOWN.
YOU ARE OUT OF LINE.
YOU ARE DOING NOTHING.
YOUR OFFERING NOTHING.
THIS IS TOTALLY PREDICTABLE.
YOU ARE OUT OF LINE.
SIR, YOU ARE OUT OF LINE.
OR SIR, YOU ARE OUT OF LINE.
>> YOU SEE, BETA --
DATA WAS FREELOADER.
HE COULD HAVE BEEN A PERSONAL
INJURY LAWYER BUT HE LACKED
INTEGRITY.
HE SAW A HORRIBLE EVENT AND SAID
HOW CAN I BENEFIT FROM THIS AS
YOU KNOW, HE’S RUNNING FOR
GOVERNOR OF TEXAS AFTER FAILING
THAT BEFORE.
AND FEELING A BUNCH OF THINGS
INCLUDING HIS FRIDAY TEST. THE ONLY THING DOESN’T FAIL AT
THE ONLY THING DOESN’T FAIL AT
IS MAKING AN OF HIMSELF.
SO YESTERDAY HE PUTS ON HIS
HELLO KITTY BACKPACK AND JUMPS
ON A SKATEBOARD AND IT GOES TO A
PLACE WE CAN MAKE HIMSELF THE
CENTER OF ATTENTION.
HE IS THE ESSENTIAL OPPORTUNIST.
RATHER THAN DO HARD WORK HE
FINDS WAYS FOR OTHERS TO DO THE
WORK FOR HIM.
HE GIVES TOM SAWYER A BAD NAME,
LIKE WHEN HE MARRIED A RICH LADY
SO WE DIDN’T HAVE TO GET A REAL
JOB.
HE WORKED FOR JOHN KERRY.
IT BEGS THE QUESTION WHY DIDN’T
I THINK OF THAT.
THEN HERE IS OUR FRIEND WHO
COULDN’T READ A ROOM IF IT WAS A
BOOK CALLED A ROOM.
THAT’S AN IMPROVEMENT.
AMID THE CRIME WAVE WHAT DOES HE
DO?
HE PUSHES THE POLICE REFORM BILL
BECAUSE IT HAPPENED TO BE THE
ANNIVERSARY OF GEORGE BOYD’S
DEPTH.
KIDS CONTINUE TO BE KILLED IN
PLACES LIKE CHICAGO.
YOU MIGHT CALL HIM TONE DEAF BUT
HE WOULDN’T HEAR YOU.
BUT THE MEDIA AND THE DEMOCRATS
DON’T GIVE A BLEEP ABOUT OTHER
CRIME HE SIGNED AN EXECUTIVE
ORDER BECAUSE AMERICA ONCE AGAIN
THREATENS FOR A VIOLENT SUMMER.
HE COULDN’T LET THE ANNIVERSARY
GO TO WASTE.
HE SAYS NOTHING ABOUT THE
AFTEREFFECTS OF FLOYD, BEING THE
RIOTING PICKS IT’S LIKE
COMMEMORATING HURRICANE KATRINA
WITHOUT MENTIONING THE
DESTRUCTION IT DID AFTER.
AT BECAUSE JOE’S GOT ALMOST
ALMOST NO WORKING MEMORY LEFT.
BY FALSELY CLAIMING THAT
REPUBLICANS PUT ANY REFORM ON
POLICING.
HE’S LYING INTENTIONALLY OR HE
REFUSES TO TAKE HIS PREVENTION.
>> THE HOUSE PASSED A STRONG
BILL AND IT FAILED IN THE SENATE
.
WERE OUR REPUBLICAN COLLEAGUES
OPPOSED ANY MEANINGFUL REFORM
FOR DEMOCRATS, TIM’S GOT A BLACK
REPUBLICAN --
>> IN 2015 UP TO THE SHOOTING OF
WALTER SCOTT I WROTE A FAILED TO
FIND BODY CAMERAS AND AFTER THE
DEPTH OF RHIANNA TAYLOR AND JOE
--
GEORGE FLOYD, I BUILD A BIGGER
POLICE PROPOSAL BUT MY
DEMOCRATIC COLLEAGUES BLOCKED AT
.
I OFFERED AMENDMENTS BUT
DEMOCRATS USE THE FILIBUSTER TO
BLOCK IT FROM EVEN HAPPENING.
>> IMAGINING LISTENING TO SCOTT
WE MET A UNIFIED COUNTRY WITH
LOW CRIME IN HIGH SPIRITS.
BUT THEY DIDN’T WANT THAT.
THEY DIDN’T BECAUSE I DIDN’T
WANT REPUBLICANS TO LEAD THE WAY
.
THE DEMOCRATS ARE LIKE THE DRUNK
GUY AT THE PARTY WHO INSISTS HE
DOESN’T NEED A RIDE HOME AND
ENDS UP CRASHING.
IT’S NOT ABOUT A SOLUTION COME
IT’S ABOUT MAKING SURE THAT THE
REPUBLICANS DON’T HAVE ANY PART
IN IT SO THEY WILL TAKE THEIR
MISERY OVER ANY REFORM.
>> WE NEED TO REFORM.
REFORM NOT DEFORM.
THE SQUAD GIRLS SAID DEFINED.
WE ARE NOT GOING TO DEFINE, WE ARE GOING TO REFUND.
ARE GOING TO REFUND.
WE ARE GOING TO RESET OR REDO.
DO, DO, DO, DO.
KNOCK IT OFF.
>> Greg: OF COURSE.
[APPLAUSE]
THE REASON WHY HE DID THIS
EXECUTIVE ORDER IS DUE TO A
NARRATIVE THAT’S COME APART AT
THE SEAMS.
WE ARE TOLD BY DEMOCRATS THE
POLICE WERE OVERWHELMINGLY
TARGETING BLACK MALES AND WHAT
WAS THE CRIMINALS THEY LET OUT
THERE FOR DOING MOST OF THE
TARGETING AND DATA SHOWS THAT
THAT THEY USE LEGAL FORCE
AGAINST BLACKS AND WHITE
SUSPECTS.
THE PROFESSOR BEHIND THE STUDY
WAS CANCELED FASTER THAN HIS
CREDIT CARD.
I CAN’T HELP BUT.
I AM A.
THAT’S NOT TO SAY THE COPS ARE
IN THE RIGHT ALL THE TIME IN
FRONT HAPPENED FLOYD WASN’T
WRONG BUT WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE
BILLIONS IN DAMAGES AND LIVES
LOST HER FOR THIS COMMIT IS
BEYOND BELIEF THAT ANYBODY THINK
PUSHING THIS WAS WORTH EXCEPT
FOR THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY WAS ON
ELECTION AND THEIR GRASP HERE
NOW WE HAVE?
VIOLENT CRIMES INCREASED FROM 5-
40% COMPARED TO THE SAME TIME
FRAME IN 2021.
AND IT’S THE MURDER SURGE THAT
DISPROPORTIONATELY AFFECTS BLACK
VICTIMS.
BARACK OBAMA’S ATTEMPTS TO LINK
THIS MISS SHOOTING IN TEXAS TO
GEORGE FLOYD’S MURDER BUT --
ARE AS UNRELATED AS WOODY ALLEN
AND RONA PHARAOH.
THAT’S A GOOD ONE.
HOW DOES MAKING THAT CONNECTION
HELP?
IT DOESN’T.
HOW DOES THAT LEAD TO UNITY?
IT DOESN’T.
IT IS POLITICAL SYMBOLISM.
THE DEMOCRATS ARE REALLY GOOD AT
IT.
YOU CAN SAY THEY INVENTIVE IT IS
THE ONLY THING THAT THEY COULD
INVENT.
THEY SUCK AT EVERYTHING ELSE,
ESPECIALLY UNITING A COUNTRY.
[APPLAUSE]
WELCOME TONIGHT’S CAST.
SHE LOVES AMERICA SO MUCH, UNCLE
SAM I’LL THE RESTRAINING ORDER
MORGAN ORTEGA.
HE IS OUR GO TO GUY AS A GOING
TO BUY --
JIMMY FAIL APPEAR --
SHE IS LIKE BUYING CHINA, CAN’T
BE PUT IN THE DISHWASHER.
WE TRIED.
FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR KAT TIMPF.
AND HIS KNUCKLES THERE WHICH IS
BIGGER THAN A PARTY SUB.
WORLD TELEVISION CHAMPION TYRUS.
[APPLAUSE]
JIMMY, YOU HAVE OUTDID YOURSELF,
OUTDONE.
YOU’VE EVEN RUINED THE WAY THAT
I USE VERBS PICK IS LIKE A
MONKEY THROUGHOUT BY NEW.
SHARDS OF MUCUS AND BANANA.
AND WITH YOUR HAIR --
>> THAT IS WHAT CAME OUT OF MY
NOSE AFTER SINUS SURGERY.
EXPECT THIS IS WHERE ALL THE
BABY FORMULA WENT.
SO HIS NAME IS ROBERT FRANCIS
BUT WE CALL HIM BETO.
WHAT YOU CALL HIM?
THAT VIDEO, YOU WATCH A VENUE GO
, HEY, THIS GUY IS [BLEEP].
IF YOU GO WAY TO GO, BETO,
THAT’S IT RIGHT THERE.
THERE’S NOTHING I HATE MORE THAN
SELF-PROMOTION. I WAS HAVING THIS CONVERSATION
I WAS HAVING THIS CONVERSATION
TODAY, I SAW THAT COMING.
THERE ARE SO MANY JOKES TO BE
MADE ABOUT BETO ROURKE, BUT DO
YOU KNOW HOW DISRESPECTFUL THAT
WAS.
THERE ARE PARENTS IN THAT ROOM
THAT LITERALLY PAUSED THEIR KIDS
AND HE HAD SHOWN UP TO MAKE IT
ABOUT HIM.
IT IS NOT A ROUNDTABLE
DISCUSSION OF HOW TO SOLVE THE
PROBLEM.
IT IS HAY, GRIEVING PEOPLE COME
HERE IS WHAT WE KNOW AND HERE’S
HOW WE COPE AND HE SHOWS UP AND
LIKE LOOK AT ME.
IT WAS PATHETIC BUT WAS NICE TO
SEE HIM GET SENT HOME BY
SOMEBODY OTHER THAN THE VOTERS.
IS JUST THE WORST ONE EVER.
I ALWAYS SAY THIS, HE IS LIKE
THE --
YOU’VE GOT TO LISTEN TO MUMFORD
AND SONS.
AND THEN YOU TURNED IT ON OF US
LIKE WHY DOES HE READ ONE AND
THAT IS BETO.
>> I’M SO PROUD THAT HE TURNED
30 PAPER TOWELS INTO A JACKET.
EXPECT YOU THINK IT WAS BAD
TIMING TO DO THIS IN
COMMEMORATION EXACTLY TWO YEARS
TO THE DAY?
>> OF COURSE IT WAS BAD TIMING
AND IT WAS BAD POLITICS.
EVERYTHING ABOUT IT WAS BAD PICK
THE ONE THING THAT I LIKE ABOUT
THE BETO OR ROURKE THING,
SOMETIMES WHEN PEOPLE DO THIS,
WE FALL FOR THE BAIT.
I WISH THAT ABBOTT WOULD’VE SAID
PLEASE COME UP AND LET’S HEAR
WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY WHEN
SOMEONE CRASHES ON THEIR WHOLE
PURPOSE IS TO CRASH, YOU CAN’T
FALL FOR IT.
GET OUT OF HERE.
THEN HE WINS PICK THE NEXT TIME
SOMETHING LIKE THAT HAPPENS LIKE
IF SOMEONE WERE TO CRASH, PLEASE
TAKE THE FLOOR, I CAN’T WAIT TO
HEAR THIS SOLUTION HE WOULD’VE
HAD NOTHING TO SAY.
AND THAT AFTER A FEW MINUTES OF
STANDING THERE HE WOULD’VE
SPEWED OFFS SOME WORDS AND THEN
MADE THE ADULTS NOW CONTINUE.
WE ARE TALKING ABOUT AT.
AND YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT
BARACK OBAMA.
YOU COULD NEVER BRING THAT
TOGETHER IT WAS GROSSLY
IRRESPONSIBLE.
THE CHILDREN DESERVE THEIR OWN
TWEET ON THEIR OWN MOMENT.
NOTHING COMES IN BETWEEN THAT.
UNFORTUNATELY WE ARE GOING TO
HAVE A SUMMER OF MORE
RETIREMENTS, LESS POLICING
BECAUSE YOU TOOK EVERYTHING OUT
OF WHAT MR. SCOTT DID YOU ONLY
PUT IN THE BAD THINGS ANYONE
READS IT, IT WAS A BAD DAY FOR A
POLICEMAN YESTERDAY.
IT WAS A BAD DAY FOR AMERICANS
YESTERDAY AND OUR POLITICIANS
DID NOTHING TO HELP THEM.
>> O, MORGAN, YOU JUST GOT BACK
FROM UKRAINE.
HOW WAS THAT?
>> THE PAST FEW DAYS HERE, I WAS
ON THE PLANE ON THE WAY BACK I
GOT THE NOTIFICATION THAT THERE
WAS A MASS SHOOTING AT AN
ELEMENTARY SCHOOL AND I WAS WITH
ORPHANS IN UKRAINE THAT HAD BEEN
RESCUED BY A NATIONAL GROUP
ACTUALLY AND I SPENT THE FEW
EMOTIONAL DAYS TRYING TO HUG
THESE ORPHANS.
AND I SAW THAT THAT NOTIFICATION
ON MY PHONE AND I JUST TURNED MY
PHONE OFF AND I THOUGHT I JUST
CAN’T.
I KNEW IT WAS GOING TO BE
HORRIBLE AND DEVASTATING.
SO IT’S THIS ATTEMPT THING TO
BACK TO.
YOU JUST LOOK AND KNOW THAT NO
ONE IS EVEN GOING TO OFFER REAL
SOLUTIONS.
IT IS LIKE POLITICS THE MOMENT
AFTER IT HAPPENS.
>> I THINK HAPPENS IS THERE IS
NO DESIRE TO DO ANYTHING UNLESS
THERE IS SOME POLITICAL POINT TO
BE GAINED.
THERE ARE ACTUALLY SOLUTIONS.
AND WHETHER IT IS MASS SHOOTINGS
ARE JUST RAMPANT ONGOING CRIME,
THERE IS STUFF THAT YOU CAN DO.
YOU KNOW, NOW IT IS JUST ABOUT
--
>> YOU SET UP BEST ON THE FIVE.
SOMETIMES WE JUST NEED TO SHOT
UP I SAY THAT ONE GERALDO WAS ON
.
ALMOST ALL THE TIME.
BUT IT IS THAT WE COME IT IS YOU
.
HEY, PUNK.
>> Greg: ARE YOU GLAD THAT
BIDEN PUSHED IT?
>> THERE CERTAIN THINGS THAT I
LIKE.
I THINK THEY STILL HAVEN’T
ADDRESSED THINGS LIKE HAVEN’T
BEEN ADDRESSED LIKE
UNCONSTITUTIONAL DRUG LAWS IN
THOSE SORT OF THINGS.
I ALSO LIKE THE BETO VIDEO.
I LIKED IT BECAUSE IT PROVED TO
ME THAT I AM NOT AS SELFISH AS I
THOUGHT I WAS I WOULD NEVER DO
THAT.
>> Greg: I BET YOU GET DATED
GUYS LIKE THAT IN COLLEGE.
>> NO, ACTUALLY LIKE WHAT?
>> UNEMPLOYED.
>> Greg: POSSIBLY A BASS
PLAYER.
>> NEVER A BASS PLAYER.
THAT’S WORSE.
ALSO YOU JUST PICTURE, LIKE HE
PRACTICE THAT.
THAT’S CRAZY TO WATCH TO THINK
ABOUT HIM ON THE WAY THERE AND
HE DEFINITELY PRACTICED IN FRONT
OF THE MIRROR.
>> NEEDS TO START PRACTICING IN
FRONT OF PEOPLE SO SOMEONE CAN
GO NO.
>> AT SOME POINT ALONG THE WAY,
MAYBE HE SHOULD’VE THOUGHT I
SHOULDN’T DO THIS.
>> Greg: THAT’S A TERRIBLE
POSITION TO BE IN BECAUSE HE
ASKED TO RUN FOR OFFICE OR GET
INTO REALITY TELEVISION.
>> I LOVE THAT WERE ACTING SO
SHOCKED.
>> Greg: THAT IS TRUE.