- [Announcer] Future Puppet News,
finally, news from a source you can trust.
Puppets from the year 3000.
With help from their senior time machine
they'll uncover history's most mysterious mysteries.
Traveling through space and time
for that hot historical scoop.
Get ready for cold hard facts from warm squishy puppets.
The shiniest suits and biggest chins
this side of the nebulan galaxy.
Future Puppet News, broadcasting the past
from the future.
- Hello everyone, tonight we ask the question
is your iPhone 753 giving you puppetitis?
Find out tonight at eight.
- Hold on she's saying something about puppetitis.
Oh, show's starting.
In other news I think I smell something delicious
and that can mean only one thing.
- In the kitchen with Chip.
- And Hamblim too.
- Silence pleb.
Yes it's time for another cooking segment,
something I don't at all enjoy.
No the sizzle of hot oil,
the smell of mars spice infused flounder
sauteed to perfection beneath my masterful puppet hands.
That doesn't make my heart sing.
No not at all.
Of course not dad, I want to be a reporter,
just like you told me.
Oh good gravy what is this?
There's a beast in my mise en place.
- That's no beast, that's my lovable Mr. Kissy Mittens.
- Have you been bringing your pet to work?
- Doesn't that violate the puppet health code?
I think I gotta side with Chip on this one.
- Get out of here.
Everyone knows that cats are nothing
but a bunch of freeloading furballs
who have brought nothing to human society
but pain, sorrow, and feces.
- Actually that's inaccurate Chip.
Cats and humans share a complicated symbiotic relationship.
In fact, our feline friends have done
quite a bit to shape the world around us.
- Now listen here you uppity--
- Holy gee wiz. - Hot puppet messiah.
- Are you two all right?
Are you suffering from puppetitis?
- Alright everyone, let's back up.
In fact, let's back all the way up.
And take a look at the cold hard cats.
I mean facts.
Are these a bunch of careless kitties?
Or have simple house cats truly changed the world?
- Humans have lived with domesticated cats
for thousands of years.
The first known domesticated cat
was discovered at a burial site in Cyprus,
from 7500 BC.
cats aren't native to Cyprus,
and this is the first cat ever buried alongside its owner.
That means this cat may have laid the groundwork
for all future feline pets.
Archeological evidence also indicates
that it was adorable.
- You know Jackie, I may have been a little harsh earlier.
In fact I'm here in Japan, whoa!
- Hi Jackie, you know I think what my cat hating colleague
was about to say is that we're here with Miniki Neko
in Japan's Edo period.
- Listen here you--
- The story goes that a passing nobleman
saw a waving cat on the temple steps.
He left his spot on the road to greet the kitten
and instantly the spot he was standing in
was struck by lightning.
That's weird, it should be any sec--
- Nice work Hamblin.
That cat's beckoning paw
led to waving cats becoming a symbol
of wealth and good fortune around the world.
Including the creation of the popular Neko figure.
- Cats can do more thank just wave.
In 1739 Italian composer Domenico Scarlotti
published an innovative sonata that stunned the world
with its avant garde sound.
And I'm here with that sanata's ghost writer,
that's right Scarlotti's cat Pulcinella
wandered across the keys, creating what would
later be known as the Cat's Fugue.
Ah, music to my puppet ears.
Do you have anything to say about
your highly influential work?
Modesty, the truest sign of genius.
- Geniuses are pretty cool, but how about Popes?
I'm here in Vatican City in 1826 with Migetto,
favorite cat of Pop Leo the Twelfth.
Migetto which is Italian for good kitten
was Pope Leo's closest companion.
The papal tailors even frequently had to mend the tears
made by his adorable claws.
Yeah real adorable.
Anyway, he's kind of like the Pope of cats.
That's a really big deal.
That's an infallible cat, in a big old hat!
I'm out of here!
- I'd actually like to take things back a bit
to the first cat, no not the first cat,
but The First Cat, Tabby.
Abraham Lincoln loved cats,
and in 1862 he inaugurated Tabby
as the first presidential cat.
- Come now Tabby, eat up.
or we'll be late for the play.
- Uh...
- You want a cat that really changed the world?
Sure, Tabby dined with the President,
but Tibbles here dined on the souls of thousands.
Brought to New Zealand by human settlers in 1894,
Tibbles found the island swarming with a type
of flightless bird known as The Stephen's Island Wren.
Within a year the wrens were gone,
having fallen under the heartless
machine-like claws of Tibbles.
Truly chilling.
- I'm here with Schrodinger's cat,
or maybe I'm not, I think it was really important
but also not important at the same time?
You know what, I'm getting a headache.
Jackie can you take over?
Holy, quantum kitty!
- London, 1989, 10 Downing Street.
The residence of England's Prime Minister would be
overrun with rats were it not for the work
of one brave cat.
And that very cat stands beside me.
Humphry served under three successive administrations,
keeping a clean house and a warm lap.
But as is always with politics,
his tenure was not without scandal.
- I say this cat is innocent of the accused bird murder.
He was ill at the time and could not possibly
have committed the crime.
If the kitten mitten does not fit,
ladies and gents, you must acquit.
- If you want to hear about a cat
that took a bite out of politics,
I'm here in Talkeetna, Alaska in 1997
on the eve of election night and, yes?
Yes words coming in?
That's right, I can now confirm
that Stubbs the Cat has been elected mayor
of the actual city of Talkeetna.
The mayor, subserved as Goodwill Ambassador for the town,
joining in travels to visit Talkeetna
and also scratch his tummy.
Yes, Stubbs was a trailblazer,
changing the world forever as a feline politician,
holding honorary elected office for more than a decade.
Good man.
See Jackie, he like me.
I don't see Hamblin refraining any of these historical cats.
In fact, where is Hamblin?
- Oh the uncertainty of existence!
- Well I'll tell you one thing I'm certain of.
This is the best meal to ever tickle these tastebuds.
- Well I think the lesson here
was really more about cats.
- Of course, and this is the best cat.
Cats, I love them, not at all horribly allergic.
Must look pretty good now, huh?
Between you and me I think we got a lot in common.
- Nah, I'm really more of a dog person.
- Oh no Chip no.
- Whatever the lesson was I'm sure we all learned it.
Especially Hamblin.
Where is Hamblin?
- Save me some flounder!
- Well folks it looks like the show
has come to its feline finish.
I hope you learned that these furry little beasts
are more than animal companions,
they're something wonderful.
A fellow species, helping shape the world around--
Mr. Kissy Mittens, no!
- Watch out, he's got a whisk and it's loaded!
- Oh no, he's coming for me!
Play the music, play the music!
- Oh this must be the end card.
Soul Pancake, subscribe.
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click over there.