hey everybody happy Monday now today
we're going to talk about re parenting
what is it and why can it be so healing
but before we get into that I know we
have a lot of new people here welcome if
you have a question or concern and
you're wondering if I've talked about it
before
just hop into the Search tab on YouTube
put in my name Kati Morton and then some
keywords for your search like family
stress trauma relationships whatever I
have over 1200 videos so chances are
I've talked about it already
okay now let's talk about Reap parenting
in therapy REE parenting is something
that is done to help us heal from our
parents failings when we were young this
could mean that they were abusive in
some way or even just not emotionally
available for us either way we weren't
able to develop a healthy attachment to
them and in turn we could struggle to
have a healthy relationship with
ourselves or someone else as we get
older REE parenting attempts to figure
out what it was that we needed when we
were little and then give that to
ourselves now and this can be done by
using the therapeutic relationship
meaning your therapist plays the new
caretaker role and helps you heal using
your relationship with them or we can
work on repairing ourselves through the
relationship that we have with ourselves
now I know this can kind of sound a
little hokey but jokey or woowoo but
trust me it can really help us heal and
finally be able to move on healthfully
and there are may be many reasons that
we want to try out repenting it could be
past abuse could be constant criticism
from a parent getting bullied at school
having to move a lot and change schools
all the time or being in the foster care
system the reasons are endless but what
we are doing is trying to find that hurt
child within us and help it feel heard
and cared for because if we haven't done
that we may find ourselves flying off
the handle at the smallest trigger
dissociating a lot or even ending
relationships over silly or
insignificant disagreements even though
they feel like big deals to us at the
time or more accurately they feel like
big and important things to our inner
hurt child the
the automatic response is because
something touched on that hurt in her
child of ours and it responds as such it
could make us want to throw a fit yell
loudly at a stranger or tell a close
friend or loved one that we don't ever
want to see them again we're acting out
of that hurt in her child and I just say
all of this so that you know that no you
aren't crazy you're not making this up
you were just hurt when you were younger
and we have to take the time to heal
from that okay so how does Ari parenting
work well one way like I said before
when we can be repented is by having our
therapists fill the role of caregiver
and re nurture us although I don't like
this version at all but many therapists
still say it's helpful so the way that
this works is that your therapist takes
on the role of surrogate parent or
caregiver and they bring us back to that
childlike self of ours and they work to
fill that missing hole that you may be
feeling from your past through intense
nurturing and this can be long-term
where you regress and go back into
childlike you and work with your
therapist to heal the old wounds this
could be through having your therapist
feed you hold you offering words of
affirmation and emotional support but
this style can also be short-term where
you focus on a few issues or instances
and that you had to process through
maybe there were just a few little
things in your life that you felt you
didn't get properly parented for and so
your therapist can still act as the
caregiver as you work through that Andry
parenting this way isn't supported by
much research and in my experience it's
a bit risky because it can lead to the
patient being dependent upon the
therapist for their healing and you guys
know I don't really like that because we
should be in control of our treatment
and we have everything we need to heal
we shouldn't have to rely solely on that
therapist especially once we have that
relationship I just feel it can be a
little bit messy but like I said many
therapists out there still believe
strongly that it's helpful so I just
wanted to tell you that it does exist
and if it works for you it works for you
but the other way tree parenting is done
and the way that I personally
DISA is by helping my patients reparent
themselves and this style was created by
Merial James in 1974 and it focuses on
our strengths and what we can do to help
heal our younger self this style doesn't
seek to replace our failed caregiver but
instead tries to help us learn how to
self-soothe you could pretend that it's
your own child who is hurt or upset
sometimes it can help to imagine that
our inner child is another person that
we care deeply about and just think you
know what would you do or try to do to
comfort or calm them down think about it
in my practice I utilize resourcing also
during this to figure out what people
places things we can use to help calm
our system down could petting a dog help
texting with a friend a favorite memory
you can recall maybe coloring or
watching reruns of the office whatever
it is I work with my patients to come up
with a list a big long list that can be
done any day or time then I have them
practice them and then have them try and
use those things when they're hurt and
her child is triggered if they want to
scream at someone because they cut us
off in a conversation can we pause and
consider whether or not how we want to
react is warranted by the action see if
you know we feel we're acting out of our
past pain or not and proceed accordingly
just slowing down the reaction process
may be we call a friend to vent or do
some deep breathing or rub our arms in a
soothing way doing these things can help
us better manage our emotions in the
present while therapy time on the other
hand will be spent figuring out what
triggers your hurt inner child is it
when you feel overlooked talked down to
maybe it's when someone teases us or
when we don't think our feelings are
being taken seriously this may take some
time and some deep and difficult
conversations about our past but trust
me it will totally be worth it and I
honestly think that we can all benefit
from some repair in teen because we all
have certain things our parents have
done we probably found upsetting it we
will continue to try and fill that void
with friends families even therapists or
romantic relationships until it's healed
but we are the only ones that can heal
our inner child trying to put that onto
someone else will only cause us to feel
more wounded and upset because they
don't know what we need and they can't
access our inner child self only we can
do that so remember this when you find
yourself getting into yet another
codependent or abusive relationship that
may be a good indication that you should
bring this up in therapy so you can work
through it now I hope you found this
helpful there are so many therapy
phrases out there that I always assume
everyone understands so thank you to our
amazing community for asking important
questions like this and as always share
your thoughts or experiences that you've
had with free parenting in those
comments down below and I will see you
next time bye
you
in therapy I breathe I wasn't breathing
that's a problem and I'm down