(lighthearted music)
- [Narrator] Hey Psych2Goers.
Welcome back to a brand new Psych2Go video,
made possible through your continued love and support.
Today's video is brought to you in collaboration with
Gary Trosclair from Choosing Therapy.
Let's begin.
You may have heard of the more well known, OCD,
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder,
but have you heard of
Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder.
Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder also known as OCPD
is a personality disorder,
and therefore affects the entire personality,
while OCD is an anxiety disorder
and is characterized by the presence of specific obsessions.
Partners with OCPD can be a curse and a blessing.
They can be rigid, controlling, and critical,
but they can also be dependable,
hardworking, and conscientious.
Usually, people with full-blown OCPD
present great challenges to a relationship.
The non-compulsive partner
can only do so much to improve the situation,
but that limited amount
can still make a significant difference.
Some individuals have both OCPD and OCD,
which tends to magnify the symptoms of both conditions,
but people with OCPD do not have insight
into the disruptions
that the symptoms create in their lives.
They get lost in details
and forget the original intention of their projects.
OCPD results from a combination
of genetic and environmental factors.
Not everyone with OCPD is the same.
Some people with the disorder are more domineering,
some are more workaholic,
some are overly eager to please and some procrastinate.
The domineering variety
usually present the greatest difficulties in relationships.
Though, workaholics,
because they are unavailable and procrastinators
because they don't meet their responsibilities
may also cause distress in relationships.
Before we begin,
please remember this video is for informative purposes
and not to be used for self-diagnosis.
In case of doubt, opting for professional help
is always the best option.
With that said, here's how relationships
are affected by OCPD.
OCPD and relationships.
Sometimes it is impossible to improve a relationship
with an OCPD partner,
because many people with the condition are convinced
that their way of living is superior
and they're not open to change,
but some are willing to change
and enlist their obsessive compulsive determination
into improving their role as a partner.
Misunderstanding a partner with OCPD
can make a challenging situation worse
as their behavior results from a combination
of misguided good intentions
and anxiety about being good enough as a person.
While people with OCPD may appear
to be confident and in control,
they're usually deeply insecure underneath.
This is why you always feel the need to be perfect.
So, while your behavior may appear
to be driven by self-interest, disrespect, or indifference,
your motivations are actually very different.
If, as the non-compulsive partner,
you interpret their actions as being demeaning,
you may miss not only their positive motivations
but also their underlying anxiety.
When both partners anxieties become inflamed
and both become afraid to be close to the other,
it's all downhill from there.
Number one.
Anxiety leads to control.
Do they make our demand about how to cook, how to dress,
what to eat, what to say, and how to make love?
The first way that OCPD affects relationships
is that the compulsive partner
out of fear of things going wrong
tries to control what happens in the relationship,
and to control how the non-compulsive partner behaves.
While the intention of the compulsive partner
is usually to be helpful,
it usually feels anything but helpful for the other person.
Number two.
Too much time at work may lead to neglect.
Do they spend it ordinary amounts of time at work
and abandon their partner?
The non-compulsive partner would interpret this
to mean that the compulsive partner doesn't care about them
or doesn't enjoy being with them.
However, there could be many other reasons for this,
including an actual addiction to work.
Another possible reason is that the compulsive partner fears
not only failing at work
but more importantly, in the relationship.
Since relationships don't come naturally,
their perfection may lead them to focus on work
because they have more control and more self-assurance
that they can succeed there.
Number three.
Control discourages vulnerability.
Are they reluctant to show any vulnerability
as they pursue perfection?
Another way OCPD affects the relationship
is that both partners stop being vulnerable
in the relationship,
and this usually leads to it becoming dry,
lifeless, and unfulfilling.
But this presentation
along with frequent commands and demands
may end up leaving the non-compulsive partner
afraid to express their real feelings and needs
for fear of being criticized or humiliated.
If you are the non-OCPD partner,
you may also begin to distance yourself
from your partner for fear of being emotionally dependent
on someone that is critical or unavailable.
Number four.
Unhealthy division of labor limits both partners.
Have they become more machine-like with time,
counting pennies and minutes and rules and fractions?
When one partner has OCPD,
both partners may fall into an unhealthy division of labor
in terms of chores and emotions.
As the compulsive partner,
you take responsibility for all the organizing,
cleaning, planning, and accounting.
You typically feel a great deal of responsibility
and are usually very frightened of getting something wrong
or making a mistake.
Some compulsives in their efforts to do the right thing
may be very compliant, but later resent that compliance,
possibly becoming passive-aggressive or exploding in anger.
You may not develop the capacity for leisure, humor,
play and other less serious activities
if you feel you can't afford to loosen up
because of the responsibility they carry.
On the other hand, if the non-compulsive partner
is put into the position of
the one who has to carry all of the emotions and affection
and none of the accomplishments in the relationship,
they may fail to develop their own gifts and personality.
As the non-competitive partner,
you begin to believe that you're incompetent,
and so less likely to take the risks
that are essential to a full life,
but not all hope is lost.
With perspective, communication, and self-care
as three of the most important tools,
you can improve your relationship with a compulsive partner.
Any one of the three alone will probably not be sufficient,
but the three together may be able to shift the balance
towards a more healthy and fulfilling relationship.
We hope we're able to give you insight
into the ways OCPD can be lethal for relationships.
Did this video helped you learn more about OCPD?
What other topics would you like us to talk about?
Leave a comment down below
and feel free to share any thoughts you have as well.
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who wanna learn more about OCPD.
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