- That is it.
- That's a big bird.
- Bill!
- Oh no.
- What?
- That's (bleeps) octopus.
- Yeah.
- [Man] Oh my God.
(hands slap table)
(beeps) (hands slap table)
- God dammit! - Ah (bleeps)
- You ever notice I love doing whatever you do?
- I see.
- ♪ My brother and me. ♪
- Ready? Y'all harmonize with me.
- Okay.
- Face.
- (all harmonizing) Basic to bougie.
- What's up yall?
- God that was good.
- I'm Tim Chantarangsu.
- I'm Dan "Big Baby" Brand.
- And I'm Justina Valentine.
- Welcome back to another,
- episode of Basic to Bougie.
- [Tim] You know what it is,
we eat three different kinds of two different foods and try
to determine what is the cheapest,
middlest, and most expensive.
- [Dan] And sometimes we've learned that the basic food
can be bougie.
- Boogie!
- And sometimes the bougie food can be.
- Basic.
- Yes. I'm so hungry.
- Again? - Yes.
- You've been eating this whole season.
- I know.
- And I will say Tim,
you are the smallest fat person, I know.
(laughs)
- Yeah. - No for real.
- He's, for such a veracious appetite, he's tiny.
- And you are the sexiest big person. I know.
- Oh. Both of your lips look very moisturized today.
- No, we're just hungry.
- They look really good, okay.
(slurps)
- [Dan] We need a name. We need a name.
- Oh, um. - Let's keep it simple today.
Let's hold 'em down.
- Let's make it like mad simple.
- X. - X?
- Yeah. - Okay.
- They will.
- X. - X.
- Brother X.
March forward.
(laughs) (classical music starts)
Did you, are you putting up the fist?
(punches)
Just making sure you know what to do.
- [Dan] All right, the tops off. Everybody reaching?
It's a bowl or something.
- Oh, what is this?
It's warm it. - [Justina] Oh wow.
- It's warm and. - It's giving me dairy.
- [Justina] It feels like a bread crumb or something.
- [Dan] Hello? (inhales sharply)
- Let me eat this.
- [Dan] It's um, God it smells good.
- [Justina] Hmm. Is it like a soup?
(buzzer blares)
Like a soup with a lot of potatoes?
- It's a bowl.
- Pasta?
- Is it mashed potato?
- Oh, I, is this, is this like a?
- Chicken pop pie?
- No no no, like a casserole?
(bell dings)
- [Dan] Oh! - [Justina] Oh!
- I don't think I've ever eaten casserole.
- Oh, Ooh.
That is definitely white people casserole.
- Ah, look at that.
- There's even some raisins in there.
- There's no color to it.
- This is like a, a white delicacy, right?
(laughs)
- Seems very white.
- I'm pretty sure, in the black community,
casserole is called something else.
I've never heard a black person say you want some casserole?
I don't think we use casserole.
- I'm bringing over a casserole.
- Yeah, interesting.
- It's not in our categories.
Let's get started.
(bleeps)
(trap music starts)
- [Tim] Let's get it. I'm hungry.
I don't know what it is, but I want to eat it.
- [Dan] Whoa, let's let's this casserole thing.
- Okay. I think our cast is on a roll. (laughs)
- Oh, damn.
I wanna get you cats to roll later.
- Ah? Ah. Right?
(crickets chirping)
- We're not trying it, but y'all know what a casserole is.
It is a meat, it is a vegetable and bread crumb.
- I thought it was just like a bowl of something with a top.
- It can be anything, which is why black people
don't make them.
- [Justina] This is kind of good with like the mushroom.
- [Tim] Sure. The let's do it.
- [Justina] Wanna try that?
- Let's get the green bean casserole out the way.
- [Justina] Okay, let's do it.
(upbeat techno plays)
- [Dan] Oh God. Is that mushrooms?
- [Tim] Yeah.
- I like mushrooms.
- You like mushrooms too remember that episode?
- Will you shut up?
- Secretly Darren like mushrooms.
That's alright.
- Yeah. It's not bad.
- [Dan] It's not.
- Not it's alright.
- [Justina] Mushrooms good.
- It's a casserole.
- What is that, like a, gravy on top?
- I thought you said that casserole had to have a meat.
- [Dan] I guess the mushroom is a meat substitute.
- [Justina] Gotcha.
- [Dan] A lot of people try to put that on pizza.
Like it's pepperoni.
- You don't like mushrooms on your pizzas?
- I like the mushroom.
- I like meat on my pizza.
Let's do the lasagna casserole.
(upbeat techno music starts)
Ooh that smells good.
- [Tim] It smells like an enchilada.
- [Dan] Mhmm, I think that is exactly what it is.
- Enchilada casserole.
- [Dan] It's good too.
- [Tim] Interesting.
- There's some black beans on there.
- Not bad. It's a little like plain.
Like I feel like it needs more spices.
- [Tim] I feel like this is something you get frozen
and you put in the microwave.
- Very well possible, and the size of it.
- There's needs something else though.
- Definitely a little plain but it's all right.
- So now what is this?
(fast paced pop starts playing)
- [Dan] Hold on. Let's look at this,
'cause I see some rolled up meat.
- [Tim] Hmm. Oh, is this oh,
is this some intestines on here?
- Oh wow. - Uh oh, uh oh.
- That's not intestines.
- It looks like this is.
- Is this octopus?
- That is an intestine, my guy.
- Like chilling?
- Like a chitlins situation.
- I like chitlins.
- Do you, oh okay well chip it up.
You are grossed out by mushrooms but you are like,
yeah give me the small intestines, yum.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
We're not gonna do that. We're not gonna do that.
(laughs)
- Is this like an octopus?
- Oh! And there's octopus in here, what is this?
(tires squeal)
- Oh, oh no.
- [Justina] What?
- Y'all I see it.
It's a (bleeps) octopus.
- Yeah, some tofu.
Oh, and some kimchi.
Oh, this some Korean (bleeps).
- I hate when you start eating something and it's good.
And then when you find out what it is, it's no longer good.
- Just let go and eat it, man.
- [Justina] Yeah.
- I can't man. I can't get past the.
- You don't like octopus?
- I can't get. - The tentacles.
- I can't get past that, man.
- But you can get past the (grunts)
(grunts) (laughs)
- This is too much.
This is like a mini elephant trunk.
- Not gonna lie, it's good.
- It's good. It's good.
It's good. It's just that, when you okay.
If you're eating at a restaurant,
y'all know what you eating, then you see this at the top.
You're gonna get nervous.
- [Justina] Yeah.
- [Tim] I think this is Korean situation.
- Little suction cups.
- [Tim] I'll tell you what.
I'm gonna get another bite of that dressing 'cause
it's kind of going kind of hard, yeah.
- Honestly this bowl has me inside out.
- [Tim] I like it.
- [Justina] That statement took guts.
Yeah it did yeah.
(crickets)
- I'm not punning with y'all.
(laughs)
(upbeat techno music plays)
- Why was the octopus so good?
- It was, it was, it was great.
- That's got be, cause that's not a meat
you just got laying around.
You know what I'm saying?
They actually got go find the octopus and get and get it.
- [Justina] And get it.
- [Tim] Yeah.
And octopus are so smart. they're probably like, hiding too.
- [Justina] They hiding away.
- [Dan] They see them come here like oh shoot.
- [Tim] Yeah, yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [Justina] I'm going like this.
But you guys, that was just my gut reaction.
- [Dan] I think you, don't think you don't think that?
- [Justina] No 'cause these are just
like green beans and like mushrooms, I could like.
- [Dan] Mushrooms ain't cheap.
- I would go like that, but.
- [Tim] Only because this to me feels like
someone made it a home.
So I feel like it was cheaper than the microwave oven.
- At home cheaper? Then why would you.
- [Justina] Yeah 'cause this has
like some meat in it, cheese, this is just like green beans.
- [Dan] I mean that could be properly vegan,
and we know how expensive that.
- [Tim] I mean, there's definitely no meat in here.
- [Justina] Yeah.
I definitely think it should be like this.
What you think Tim? It's one to one.
You make the call.
- [Dan] Yeah. You make the call Tim.
- [Tim] You know what?
I'm gonna let you guys rock, paper, scissors
because I can go either way.
- [Justina] Okay, ready?
- [Justina And Dan] 1, 2, 3, shoot.
- Get out of here.
- All right so we keeping it this way.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- All right. Let's go. - Let's get it.
- Okay. Darren.
- Cheapest, frozen food. Middle is mushroom. Expensive guts.
- Let's go. - Let's do it.
Do it Brother X. You wanna try it or you straight?
All right.
- You do it. It's it's your decision.
(scats)
- Rock with your boy.
Cheap is vegan enchilada casserole, $6 a plate.
A vegan spin. Vegan? (bleeps) They always get me!
- But you liked it. Wow.
- But it was good yeah, it was good.
- You liken a lot of vegan stuff this year.
- Start with the layer upon layer of soft corn tortillas
toped with mix, and non dairy cheese.
Middle is. (punches) Green bean casserole.
$8 a plate comes with saute, crimini mushroom and.
- Blanched.
- I don't like that word.
- But she was great on Golden Girls.
- [Justina] Yeah, she was she was.
- [Dan] She was, she was, she was my favorite.
- Me too.
- Why was she everybody's favorite?
- She was the best.
- Order from gourmet grocery store, a gourmet grocery store?
(laughs)
Who made that (bleeps) up?
When did grocery stores become gourmet?
Most expensive, beef and intestine casserole. $44,
large intestine, trite, vegetables, and octopus,
and a homemade special both.
- Wow. - Yeah.
- That was really good. I shouldn't have to
paper, rock scissors for victory.
- Yeah.
- You gotta trust your boy.
- But you know what? $2 difference between the two plates.
So it was a close call.
- That is true, that is true. Let's go give it a bougie.
(Ludwig Van Beethoven's 5th Symphony in C Minor plays)
- (Hums Ludwig Van Beethoven's 5th Symphony in C Minor)
- Are we ready for the bougie round?
- [Justina] I think so. Where is he?
X.
- Hey Brother X. - Hey Brother X.
- Everybody put your fists up.
- [Butler] So this one you can actually
take your blindfolds off.
- [Dan] Try?
- [Tim] Oh.
- [Dan] Take the blindfolds off?
- [Butler] You're gonna need to use your mouth.
- That isn't (bleeps) is it?
- [Justina] No, it smells like something Asian, right?
- Possibly.
- How does something smell Asian?
- Like it smells like, yeah. - Like, like, the sauce of it.
- Look at him, he is such a savage.
- What is this?
- You licked it first, what do you mean?
- I know. No, so it's not a Asian.
- Juicy barbecue sauce actually.
- Yeah it's barbecue sauce.
- Barbecue?
Yep. Once I smell it, it just smelled safe.
This ain't ground beef is it?
(buzzer blares)
- I think that's the mystery, is the meat.
- There's gonna be some weird (bleeps) obviously.
- I swear to God, if this is some (bleeps) y'all.
- It's gonna be some weird (bleeps)
- It just tastes like jerky.
- What's me pissing off, it tastes good.
- (unintelligible)
- That's what's pissing me off.
And I here, I go getting more samples.
- [Tim] Yeah.
- Not knowing what what it is.
This ain't meatballs? (buzzer blares)
- This like fake meat? (bell dings)
Huh? - Fake meat!
- Meat from a lab.
- It actually tastes amazing, delicious.
- Every time I trust y'all, you let me down.
(lighthearted classical music plays)
- That's a big bird.
- This is a curious situation here.
- [Justina] It certainly is.
- I know y'all running outta stuff. I know, okay, I get it,
but there's no point in (shit)
- [Justina] Pizza looks that pepperoni looks super dry,
but the pizza looks good. There's a hole in the bird.
Are you seeing this?
- [Tim] That's where you put the fake stuffing.
That really bothers me.
- That? I know it bothers. - That's weird.
- That don't even make sense.
- Why is it so heavy? Feel that.
- Don't you start putting your hands all over that we all
gotta eat it. Do not start.
- You don't even want to eat it.
- It's my job. That's her side that she touched.
- [Justina] Yeah. Right.
- [Dan] Just stop.
- [Justina] It's the same spot,
I keep touching the same spot.
- No, it's not, you literally,
there's no way you in the same spot.
(laughs)
- [Justina] Childish.
- Cindy. We know all this is fake meat, like.
- Why don't they just eat vegan (bleeps)?
Why make it look like.
- Why make it? Yeah.
- What is the point? I don't want a pizza that
looks like a pizza, that's not a pizza.
- For the vegans that wanna be a part of something.
- And that's what's up, and I love that.
- They wanna feel like they're part of society again.
- [Justina] Yeah.
- So we about to eat fake fish, man.
Let's get this (bleeps) over with.
(string classic musical starts)
- Cheers. Cheers. - No don't touch it.
(laughs)
- And it taste like pizza. And I know it's not.
- It ain't bad.
- That's definitely fake cheese.
- Oh it's oh yeah. It's running thick, oh God.
- It ain't bad though.
- It sticks to the roof of your mouth.
I've been doing this for years now. The fake cheese.
- What is fake cheese made of?
- Sometimes it's nuts.
- How you make a nut cheese?
- They be made outta cashews.
Oh, it's nuts, let me tell you.
- Do you milk the crumbs?
- I don't know.
- Maybe they puree 'em through their teeth.
- Nothing. Justina, stop that (bleeps)
- This is pretty good.
- It's not bad.
- This is not pepperoni. All this is
- Pepper-phony! - Pepper-phony.
- You got way too excited.
- Boy, that (bleeps) was hard.
- Pepper-phony!
- That, that was hard. - That was fire.
- It's actually good.
But the fact as I know, it's not real. I don't want it.
- You too real?
- Hello? Stay woke. Tell em Brother X. Just so you know.
- It's good.
- At this point you just hungry.
Let's try the fake fish.
- I don't think these are gonna be very good.
- No, not at all.
There's not even any soy sauce or anything.
- They can't make fake soy sauce.
- I mean, it's just, soy.
- I got, I got it for you man.
- Oh, thanks man. I appreciate that dog. Did you eat?
- I like to wait till y'all try it
to make sure nothing happened.
Does it taste real?
- Don't taste like anything.
- Yeah. You know don't like that.
- Yeah. Me either.
It don't taste like nothing.
- Ah.
- You gotta wash it down with a pizza?
- Yeah. (laughs)
I'm not even mad at that decision.
- Oh my God. What is this? Is this supposed to be fish?
- It's supposed to be salmon. - Yeah.
- That wasn't good.
- It's like they made some fish flavored gelatin.
- Ah. (gags) Okay, don't say that word.
- That's exactly what it taste like.
- I understand how y'all feel about the animals,
but that's why the Lord puts them here.
Let's try the bread bird.
- I'm scared for this turkey.
- [Dan] Tim!
- Oh, I thought that was going to go way smoother.
- You thought it was gonna bust down the middle?
- I did not think I would need more work than that.
Well stop.
- Guys. I'm picking you up a piece.
That's for you.
- No, I'm just gonna take the leg.
- That's not gonna break off the way you think it is.
- Why is it running?
- There's juice is, is there's juice.
- I don't wanna eat it.
I don't want eat it. We'll dry him a piece them.
- [Dan] I don't wanna eat it.
- Here. Try a little piece, here
- I'm gonna eat that (bleeps)
- What you do? You always (bleeps)
- Yeah. Yeah, I'm take a big old bite.
- Is this chicken, I mean it's not chicken.
- [Justina] It doesn't taste as bad as I thought.
- What am I eating?
- That's the weird part. What did they do to this?
- [Justina] Are we eating a sponge?
- [Tim] Yeah. Very spongey.
- I just want y'all to know that none of this is chicken.
- Oh wow.
- [Dan] None of this is me.
- [Justina] How do they do that?
- [Dan] And it looked like bread.
- It's weird to go into a lab
and make something that feels like chicken.
You know what I'm saying, and then put it in my mouth.
- But it's not bad though. Right?
- If it was in a sandwich, I would eat it.
- [Justina] Right.
- Can we vote?
- Let's vote. - This is so heavy.
- Oh gotta be, gotta be.
- So what we doing with the pizza and the salmon?
- [Dan] Pizza last. - [Tim] Yeah.
- [Justina] Okay.
- [Dan] It's probably very hard to make fake fish.
- [Tim] And this is like a whole science experiment.
- [Justina] Yeah, for sure.
- We don't even know if that's out. Is this FDA approved?
- Right?
- We could be out here,
Jacob just tried to send us (bleeps),
like send us something bougie they'll try it.
- Test. Dumies.
- [Dan] So we gonna go with, first of all,
does everybody agree?
- Only thing. I wonder if those two could be switched.
- [Dan] This is not like your normal grocery store too.
This is vegan fishes, this ain't just laying around.
- So what if this is like nothing? What if this,
this had no taste. That's why?
- Are you vegan? Brother X ain't even vegan.
- The wokest person here isn't vegan?
- He super woke.
- Wow.
- You say he more woke than me?
- Because what if this is just like soap or candle wax.
'Cause it had not taste.
- No no.
- I know that's in my contract.
- It's like an art piece.
- Everything I have to eat has to be edible.
- All right. Well I'm cool with that.
- Cheapest is pizza. Middle is fish substitute.
Most expensive. The whole bird. That's not a bird.
- Yeah, okay. Let's do it.
- Brother X.
- I wanna read this one. - All right.
- Thank you sir.
Ready?
- No.
(defeating trump plays)
- Are you serious?
- Cheapest. Salmon. Sashimi.
- Your girl said it.
- $15 a unique and revolutionary plant based seafood.
A hundred percent ocean friendly.
- So we just ate seaweed? - No just because.
- They didn't say, they didn't say it
had to be ocean plants to make it.
Could have been like, sunflowers or weeds.
- [Tim] Arugula.
- [Justina] Yeah. - A what?
- Arugula. It's a leaf.
- [Justina] Yeah.
- Well you were right.
- Yeah.
- Sorry we didn't trust you.
Middle is, vegan pepperoni pizza. $25.
Vegan pepperoni and vegan cheese.
Layered on homemade pizza crust,
delicious and nutritious.
- It was really good. I'm still looking at the crust.
I'm have another bite.
- Wasn't bad, the most expensive vegan, whole turkey.
$75 delicately subtle flavor and textures.
So close to a real turkey you'll look twice?
- No, it's not.
- To make sure it's truly vegan.
I did not have to look twice,
as soon as that (bleeps) hit the table.
- But then it's worth saving the turkey's lives. Darren.
That's what it is.
- There are like a billion turkeys in the world.
- We're helping save the world, Darren. Right?
(imitates turkey calls)
- I don't think a turkey sounds like that.
- That's more pigeon, I've been in New York too long.
- I'm like what turkeys sounds like that. Hold on.
(unintelligible)
- All right y'all.
- Thank you for watching another episode of Basic to Bougie.
I'm Tim Chantarangsu.
- I'm Dan, stop doing that white people shit beside me.
- This is Ariel mermaid (bleeps).
- Oh. And she loves the ocean.
I get it.
- I'm Dan "Big Baby" Brand.
- And I'm Justina Valentine.
- Make sure you like, comment, subscribe, share.
See you next time bye.
- We love you vegans.
- Here's your fork, Big.
- Make a beat, make a beat, make a beat, make a beat.
- Yeah, let's go. Let's go.
- I don't want fake meat.
- Yeah.
- I want the real thing.
- Yeah.
- Maybe chicken wang.
- Yeah.
- Steak.
- Yeah.
- Pepperoni.
Not pepper-phony.
- Huh?
- Take it away.
- Yeah, I'm looking at the dish. A fake turkey.
Fake pizza and fake fish.
I don't know. I'm about to shoot.
I'm scared when I go home and take a poop,
what's it going look like?
- But they say vegans are very regular though.
So it might help us.
- Maybe it might, yeah, might regulate.
- What about tofu. It comes out as just as tofu?
- You can just eat, they can poop it, put it right back in.
- It's so natural.
- So you just out here eating tofu on the regular?
Just the fact that you know that you just out here,
that's an option. You get.
- To-poo.
- Yeah. Like if you put a quarter in their mouth,
they'll poop out tofu and you get eat it.
- Mhmm.