-Oh, you know who twatted me last night?
-Who twatted you? -Who twatted me on the Twitter?
Sean Hannity is obsessed with me.
And, so last night, he wrote another blog
about my freaking Trump mask picture with the ketchup --
you all know the picture -- and changed my life.
Anyway, so he does another -- another blog about it.
And I wrote to him. I said,
"I don't know if you're gonna do very well in jail,
because someone like you --
the rate of recidivism is going to be very high."
-Okay. -Yeah.
-Recidivism is a good thing to knock him on. Yeah.
-It's a good word, right? -Yeah.
-And, also, I've actually performed in prisons,
and I'm telling you -- they would not go for Sean.
-Okay. -Like, he's not their type.
[ Laughter ] -Okay.
-But he's going. He's going.
Priebus and all of them -- they're all going to jail.
-Now, so, let's talk again about this photo.
Obviously, you know, you have a mask, a Trump mask.
-You guys know the picture, right?
-Yes, it's -- -Okay. All right, all right.
-It looks like you're holding up a -- a severed head,
but no one thought it was a real severed head.
I -- -No.
First of all, Matt Lauer of -- oh, sorry -- NBC.
[ Laughter ] Of all people.
Right? That one.
[ Laughter ] All right, so...
Allegedly. Allegedly. -Allegedly.
Thank you, Kathy. Allegedly. -Allegedly. Allegedly.
So, he calls me on my cellphone, and I'm thinking,
"How the hell does Matt Lauer have my cellphone?"
So, yeah, things got so crazy that day.
I got calls from everybody.
And then, of course, you know, someone called and said,
"What if --" you knew who Daniel Pearl was --
so I don't mean to bring the room down, but someone said,
"What if Daniel Pearl's mother saw this?"
And I've performed in Iraq and Afghanistan,
places the president can't find on a map,
nor has he been. [ Light laughter ]
And so, I really truly, truly didn't think
people would make the connection.
I just thought -- all I could think of was everything from,
you know, a spoof of Medusa and Perseus
to him saying famously to Megyn Kelly --
and I'm no fan -- sorry.
But, anyway...
You know, remember that one?
"And by the way Santa Claus is white."
Calm down, girl. You don't know. You weren't there.
[ Laughter ] All right, so...
I don't forget. I don't forget a single thing.
-Yeah, no. -I don't forget a single thing.
-Where? -Anyway...
-Do you mean the North Pole? Is that where --
[ Laughter ] -No, Megyn Kelly went on --
she -- she went on a -- -I remember. I remember.
-She went on a rant about Santa Claus being white.
And my mother loved it, 'cause, you know...
[ Laughter ]
All right, so...
By the way, it took me two hours
to convince my mother I wasn't in ISIS that day.
I swear to God -- my mother -- she's like,
"Why did you join ISIS, damn it?"
[ Laughter ] "Mom, Mom.
I'm 57 years old. I'm on the road.
I'm trying to do a tour."
"Of all the things -- I was watching my Fox News,
and they said that ISIS is terrible."
I go, "Mom, I'm not --" [ Laughter ]
All right, so it was as crazy -- as crazy as you would imagine.
And it got so crazy, I really did start to think,
"I've got to make this funny."
And so someone named Jim Carrey called me.
[ Audience oohs ] -Oooh.
-Yeah. Don't be such an [bleep]
Ooh, sell it. Sell it. Sell it. -[ Chuckling ] Okay, sorry.
-Oh! Oh, wait. Do it again.
-So, anyway, Jim Carrey called me.
-[ Gasps ] [ Audience oohs ]
-Oh, my gosh. And the reason I bring that up
is that I don't really even know him that well,
but it was sweet of him to reach out.
And he said the greatest thing. He goes,
"Kathy, you're the most famous comedian in the world today."
And I'm sobbing, "Oh, for the wrong reasons."
He goes, "No. Use it."
And so now I'm naming the tour, and I'll be playing
Carnegie Hall and Radio City Music Hall
at the Kathy Griffin "Laugh Your Head Off" World Tour.
-There you go. [ Cheers and applause ]
So...
[ Cheers and applause continue ]
I...
I do want to --
So, in no way was it a proportional response,
but do you look --
I mean, obviously, it was done to provoke,
and then you successfully provoked.
Do you look back at all and say, "Oh, gosh.
There was a better photo to take, or not this one"?
-I wish I had, like -- Okay, so first of all,
I didn't really think about it.
And honestly, I sent a friend of mine out
for, like, a mask at a Halloween store for $10.
And then I got all the ketchup
because I kept thinking about him saying at the debate,
"Blood coming out of her eye. Out of her what --"
And I'm like,
"How many men have said that crap to you over your life?"
So I was triggered. I admit it triggered.
Triggered snowflake. [ Light laughter ]
And so, I wanted to shame him. I wanted to shame him.
He's such a misogynist, and his policies are so disgusting.
And for the rights of women and LGBT folks and people of color,
I was like, "This guy's going down."
Now, granted, it was a little soon.
[ Light laughter ] Like, I'm just saying
a lot of people have actually said, like,
if this had been post-Weinstein, or post-"Me Too," maybe --
maybe it wouldn't have been so bad.
But when you do something like that --
I really did just try to make a statement.
And I truly didn't think
people would think it was an actual severed head.
Like, I'd go to a severed head warehouse or something.
-[ Laughing ] Right, yeah. -So, I mean --
and, also, I didn't like -- you know,
I didn't know I was just part of the Trump, like, wood chipper.
And I should have known, because at that time,
he had only done it to, like, political figures.
But what he did to me -- I just want you guys to know --
it's historic.
It's never happened where a sitting United States President
has used the power of the Oval Office,
the first family -- oh, that group.
Let's not start with the sons, Date Rape and Eddie Munster.
[ Laughter ]
All right, so, I've really lightened up a lot.
-I have. I mean they've really --
you know, come out of your shell again.
We need to see Kathy Griffin.
-I know. I'm so shy. All right, so...
So, you know, and then the Fox News machine,
and TMZ was recording my tour cancelations in real time
because of bomb threats,
which I later found out were robocalls.
Like, I honestly didn't know
they had this apparatus already in place.
So, they just kind of put me in, like,
the Colin Kaepernick wood chipper,
and they bring me up on Fox, like,
whenever it's Mueller time. [ Light laughter ]
You know, they bring me up.
They bring up, you know, Maxine Waters.
Like, so I'm now just in their group of people to go for.
-And what was -- you were doing your show overseas.
And you were -- -Well, I wasn't.
I had -- I was driven overseas, frankly.
So, I was in the middle of a 50-city tour.
And, you know, I just -- this is all I do, you guys.
I don't have a network or a studio.
I go and tell my [bleep] jokes town to town and hope you laugh.
[ Cheers and applause ] And...
[ Laughs ] You know.
-You're like -- I've always said
you're like Johnny Appleseed for [bleep]
-Thank you. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
-Don't make me emotional. Do not make me emotional.
'Cause that was touching. I'm only human.
And so, yeah, I called my stand-up agent,
and I said, "This is a weird way to route a tour,
but can you just send me
to countries where they hate Trump?"
Two weeks later, I had 15 countries and 23 cities.
[ Laughter ] So I -- I --
[ Cheers and applause ] It was heaven. It was heaven.
-Well, I -- I certainly -- I'm -- You know,
I'm so happy you're doing shows here again.
I look forward to seeing how they go and...
-Me too. Seriously.
-And I'm glad to see you're doing well,
and thanks so much for coming back, Kathy.
It's always a pleasure. -Well, thank you.