(honks)
- What are you doing?
- I bought this goose call for today's video,
but it doesn't even work.
(honks)
- Here, let me try.
(honks)
What the? (wings flapping)
Ah!
- Hey you did it!
Now we can show the lovely audience at home
"How 2 Survive a Goose Attack!"
- [Pear] Ah!
- Hold on to your tail feathers, folks,
'cause this goose video's goin' down.
(laughs)
- Ugh.
So Step 1 is to try to prevent the attack
before it even happens.
- Right!
Remember, keep your distance from the goose,
and do not call the goose a duck.
They hate that.
(honks)
And if all else fails,
give the goose another person to bite instead
of you!
(laughs)
- Hey!
Ah!
(honks)
- Wow, Pear, are you okay?
- Of course I'm not okay.
I just got bit by a goose!
And you threw me at it!
- I'm very sorry to hear that, Pear,
but the silver lining is
that this is a great opportunity
for us to explain Step 2.
Take some time to heal emotionally.
- What?
Dude, I want a band-aid.
I don't wanna waste time on--
- Pear, Pear, Pear, Pear, Pear.
You just got bit by a goose.
I mean, how embarrassing is that?
- Well, I guess a little bit.
- So you need to get over this extremely,
extremely, extremely humiliating situation
before we can move on to Step 3.
- Get a band-aid?
- Make sure the goose is ok.
(record scratches) - Seriously?
- Yeah, seriously!
This poor goose has been probably biting stuff all day.
His jaw's probably tired.
(sad honks)
- Oh for crying out loud.
- Well, apparently Mr. Goose is fine.
You're in luck.
(excited honks)
Hey, hey, hey, no, no!
I said "luck!"
Oh man, he thought I called him a duck.
- Can we please get to the next step?
I have a goose tooth sticking out
of my rear end, Orange!
- (laughs) Right!
Sorry.
On to Step 4.
Reconsider your life choices.
- [Pear] What?
- Take a moment and ask yourself,
"What did I do to annoy that goose?"
- I didn't do anything!
You threw me!
Move on to Step 5 now!
- Okay, okay!
Step 5.
Clean and dress the wound.
- Now that's more like it.
I can't believe I let you make me wait around
like a total schmuck.
(honks)
Whoa!
- No no no no no.
He said "schmuck."
Not "duck."
(repeated honking)
- Aw, you shouldn't have "duck!"
- Why do I keep saying "duck?"
- Ah! - No!
Ah!
Bite him instead!
Bite Pear!
- Hey, oh!
Ahhhh!
(upbeat music)