Princess Diana's experience with the royal family is well known to have been overwhelming.
Her relationship with Queen Elizabeth was complicated, undergoing many changes over
the years before it was cut short by her early death. Here's a look at Princess Diana's relationship
with the Queen.
Princess Diana was not totally unfamiliar with the royal family before her relationship
with Prince Charles. She was raised in a comfortable setting, including some time living on the
Sandringham estate, and was around the royals on a regular basis.
"She came from a very aristocratic dynasty. The Spencers go way back in history."
In fact, her father was an equerry to the Queen while her grandmothers worked as ladies-in-waiting
to Queen Elizabeth's mother. Diana had even spent time around Prince Andrew and Prince
Edward as a child, and played with them on several occasions. The Spencer family was
prominent, and one of Diana's sisters even courted Charles for a while before she introduced
him to Diana.
It would be fair to say that Diana knew what the royal family was like from a young age,
and that she had seen how things worked. She had also interacted directly with Queen Elizabeth,
who was godmother to Diana's brother, Charles Spencer.
Diana maintained that her match with Prince Charles was something that was finalized by
Charles and her. She said firmly in an interview with a Reader's Digest writer,
"It was Charles and I who decided on the marriage. Not the Queen. Us. No one else."
But Queen Elizabeth believed that Diana was a good fit for Prince Charles. In any case,
it was known that if the Queen didn't actually feel comfortable about the relationship, Charles
would probably not have proposed to Diana, and the Queen legally had to give them permission
to marry.
While the Queen didn't try to be a direct influence as far as the relationship was concerned,
it was obvious to observers that she did like Diana. In February 1981, the couple made it
official by declaring their engagement to the public.
Queen Elizabeth was reportedly of the opinion that Diana would know what her responsibilities
would be like after marrying Charles because she had interacted with the royal family so
often before. However, Charles was more concerned about the prospects of their marriage, reportedly
saying,
"I'm terrified sometimes of making a promise and then perhaps living to regret it."
Queen Elizabeth understood that being a part of the royal family could be a daunting prospect
for Princess Diana. Before Diana tied the knot with Charles, she's said to have spent
her days at Buckingham Palace in a miserable state. She would exercise, swim, and try to
plan for the wedding, but was bored and lonesome. It was also around this time that she started
to struggle with bulimia.
Diana was reportedly upset with Charles because she believed that he simply wasn't around
for her. Meanwhile, the Queen tried to be empathetic and told herself that Diana would
take a little time to fit in. She believed that Diana would get used to life within the
palace. However, Diana was so distraught that she briefly left the palace and went home,
almost cancelling the wedding. Her father convinced her to reconsider and she returned
to the palace.
During this time, the Queen couldn't be there for Diana in the way that the young princess
may have liked, although she was reportedly sympathetic to Diana's frustration both before
and after the wedding.
Despite having met the royal as a child, it wasn't exactly easy for Princess Diana to
be in regular close proximity to Queen Elizabeth when she married Prince Charles and became
part of the royal family. But according to the book "Diana: Her True Story," Diana was
intimidated to the point of being terrified of her mother-in-law in the early days of
her marriage with Charles.
In the beginning, Diana was nervous around the Queen, and reportedly kept to the formal
behaviors appropriate to interacting with the monarch. However, even this formal interaction
with the Queen was reportedly warmer than the relationship Diana had with the Queen
Mother, who is said to have kept the princess at arm's length.
Queen Elizabeth showed that she was willing to trust Princess Diana quite early on, agreeing
to let Diana represent the royal family at an important event in the early 1980s. Grace
Kelly, the Princess of Monaco, passed away in 1982, and Diana attended her funeral on
behalf of the Queen.
According to "Diana: Her True Story," Diana said that many didn't think that she'd be
permitted to go to the funeral, but the Queen surprised her by saying she didn't see any
reason why Diana shouldn't go.
She was only 21 years old at the time, but the Queen allowed Diana to travel alone on
her first trip abroad as a member of the royal family.
Morton says that those who saw her were impressed by her, quote, "dignified manner at the highly
charged and at times mawkish funeral service."
For Princess Diana, marriage to Prince Charles was tough from the start. The Queen tried
helping in little ways. Unfortunately, Charles and Diana were two very different people and
it was difficult for them to overcome their differences.
Charles was known to have been somewhat of a playboy before he got married to Diana,
while his wife had never dated and didn't know what to expect from her relationship.
Queen Elizabeth reportedly wished to see things improve between the two and believed that
the couple's children, Princes Harry and William, would help them grow closer together. However,
this didn't happen, and the royal couple's conflict grew bigger. Diana found it hard
to cope and started relying on the Queen for help. She would visit her and speak to her
about her problems. The Queen tried to listen to her and provide assistance. A staff member
at the royal palace said that the visits were helpful for the princess, usually resulting
in a lifting of her mood.
"Charles is hopeless"
Ultimately, Queen Elizabeth couldn't do much for Princess Diana in terms of offering her
emotional support. Things got worse for Diana when she realized that her husband was involved
in an extra-marital relationship with his former girlfriend, Camilla Parker Bowles.
Charles reportedly made his preferences in romance clear when he said,
"I refuse to be the only Prince of Wales who never had a mistress."
Apparently, the Queen wasn't supportive when Diana turned to her for help. Diana reportedly
approached her with tears in her eyes, hoping for advice. She asked her what her next steps
should be. The Queen simply said,
"I don't know what you should do. Charles is hopeless."
But when the news of Charles' infidelity became widespread, the Queen was reportedly upset
because she wasn't someone who supported extra-marital affairs.
She made sure that her son's mistress was prevented from entering the palace and reportedly
described Parker Bowles as a "wicked" woman.
The relationship between Princess Diana and Queen Elizabeth got messy as time went by.
Diana had always been a bit different from others in the royal family and she didn't
try to hide it. For example, she chose an engagement ring from a catalog rather than
having one custom made, as is tradition. Also, when she married Prince Charles, she made
it clear that she wouldn't say that she would "obey" him as his wife.
Things soured further between Diana and her mother-in-law after Diana spoke to her biographer,
Andrew Morton, in the early 1990s. Some of Diana's friends and family members also collaborated
on the book.
This didn't go down well with the Queen, who was reportedly "stunned" that the princess
would contribute to the biography in any way. As far as Diana was concerned, she didn't
know what else to do and was feeling, quote, "at the end of her tether."
In 1995, she told the BBC that she hadn't met Morton but chose to allow her friends
and family members to do so because she was tired of being, quote, "seen as someone who
was a basket-case."
Queen Elizabeth genuinely believed that her daughter-in-law had a lot of potential as
a member of the royal family. According to Reader's Digest, the Queen was quite empathetic
towards Diana when she got sick while honeymooning with Charles. Diana was grateful for the support
she received from the Queen in those early days and even praised her. She once commented,
"I have the best mother-in-law in the world."
When Diana and Charles were struggling with their relationship after the book, "Diana:
Her True Story" was published in the early 1990s, Queen Elizabeth suggested that both
of them should take a break for six months to reflect.
They agreed with this suggestion and spent some time away from each other. Around this
time, Diana became heavily involved with humanitarian work. Members of the public admired the princess
and the Queen knew that she could shine as a member of the royal family. However, it
proved to be impossible to stop Diana from carving her own path. Eventually, after her
landmark "Panorama" interview aired out many of her family's dirty secrets, the Queen advised
the couple to divorce.
Ultimately, the Queen could never quite understand how to assist Diana. Diana was reportedly
someone who didn't take criticism well at all, which meant that it was tricky for the
Queen to talk honestly with her.
Queen Elizabeth wasn't a constant source of comfort for Diana. In the book, "Diana: Her
True Story," the princess revealed that she looked up to the Queen and genuinely respected
her. However, she reportedly told her mother-in-law,
"I'll never let you down but I cannot say the same for your son."
According to the same source, Queen Elizabeth was candid with Diana at times about their
marital troubles, and what she believed the causes of them were. The Queen reportedly
even expressed to Diana that she believed that her son could never come to terms with
the princess' battle with bulimia.
According to Diana,
"She saw it as the cause of the marriage problems and not a symptom."
She also added that she mostly had a good relationship with her in-laws but didn't try
to work extra hard to please them. She said,
"I get on very well with them... but I don't go out of my way to go and have tea with them."
August 31, 1997 was a terrible day for the royal family. Princess Diana and her partner,
Dodi Al Fayed, died in a tragic car crash on the streets of Paris while being pursued
by paparazzi.
"Newsflash at 4:41 -- that's just a few minutes ago -- that Diana, Princess of Wales has died,
according to British sources."
When it was announced that the princess had died, the world grieved publicly at a scale
that struck many Britons as being without precedent. They also lashed out at the Queen
for not flying from Balmoral to London as soon as possible and for not honoring Diana
by hoisting the Royal Standard flag at Buckingham Palace.
Meanwhile, it was believed that the Queen chose to stay at Balmoral in order to take
care of her grandchildren, Princes Harry and William. She wanted the boys to "absorb the
shock of their mother's death" on their own.
As Diana biographer Ingrid Seward wrote, "her first priority was to protect them."
As for the flag, the Queen's explanation was that it was simply protocol to not use it
when she wasn't in residence at the palace.
According to ABC News, Queen Elizabeth wrote about Princess Diana in a letter to a friend,
saying that the princess' death was a massive loss for the country. She added that it brought
people together in a, quote, "rather inspiring way" as people across the globe collectively
mourned the loss.
She also said that she was filled with admiration for the way Diana had raised and looked after
Princes Harry and William. The Queen offered some perspective into what was happening in
Balmoral and said that she had been occupied with her grandchildren. She wrote,
"This week at Balmoral, we have all been trying to help William and Harry come to terms with
the devastating loss that they and the rest of us have suffered."
The Queen also spoke about her late daughter-in-law in public, in tones that were stoic but affectionate.
While addressing the country in a speech before Diana's funeral, the Queen paid tribute to
Diana, calling her an exceptional human being.
"In good times and bad, she never lost her capacity to smile and laugh, nor to inspire
others with her warmth and kindness."
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