I am Susan hum I was the costume designer for the Letterman show from 1984 to 2015.
you know I asked Dave what did he want to look like when I got there and he said Susan you know
when you walk into someone's apartment and you know an interior decorator has touched
it well I don't want to look like that I did the velcro suit but not the original one I did
the one for the anniversary at Radio City where he jumped on a trampoline and there was a huge
board and he got up like 15 feet that went around the world everybody watched that one
and so the next one I did was suit of Rice Krispies there was this huge crystal clear
acrylic bowl and Dave came in the suit that I made it was mesh bags full of Rice Krispies
hey
ah well I've had dreams like this now can we hear anything out of this bring down the microphone
and the next one was the suit of magnets the suit is covered with 30 magnets and each magnet are you
with the show he would get up on a ladder and stick to a giant refrigerator and go over to
a shelf of cans or eating utensils and that was pretty funny there's one was almost impossible
the suit of suet he was going to be in a cage with animals and they were going to eat all of them and
I got permission from the commissary upstairs to go into their walk-in refrigerator and I would be
in there doing all these little patties and gluing them onto a coverall I think I got a very bad like
bronchitis from that one this is the woman who who actually built the the suit for us this is a Susan
hum Susan and you made most of this in a grocery store didn't you yeah I started in my neighborhood
at the Key Food on Montague Street photos of that I believe this has all been captured on
film yeah there it is and they're hoping from the proceeds of the show tonight to fix their sign
and then you built it in a cooler didn't you yeah and there she is there's Susan with the suit and
a walk-in cooler was it a lot of fun for you very cold all right thank you very much Susan nice job
well there are the Ducks going for something let me get over here in the middle if I could
oh my God from the uh from the looks of the grounds of
the pen these animals have been fed once today all right any minute now
ah what what's the old joke that's no goat well that's no carrot either but you know
Bruce Willis was a member of our family and the first one I can remember that I
did with him him in a bikini at a nightclub doing a pole dance
and that was hilarious and then another one he came in with a wind turbine helmet on his head
so I had to make a mechanism of a wind turbine turning as he came in remember Christo and the
orange gates in Central Park well I had to make him an orange suit overnight got a new girlfriend
by the way you might have seen the blurb in page six I'm sorry I missed it yeah me and the new gal
power canoodling down at butter really and uh she's upstairs she's in there she's up in the
dressing room oh really can we can we get a shot yeah this is your new girlfriend Jean-Claude
oh my God oh my God is he adorable oh my God oh oh oh I'm gonna need Hearts again
remember give me more when she came in doing the top 10 in a bikini and
I had to make that bikini to to rip off the the numbers ready number 10.
Ginger vitus number nine
stripper Gore
number eight
Mrs Charlie Sheen here are the some last minute things that just came down the road maybe at
hour and a half before show time and they call me up and say how many bunnies can we get in the
ferreras we would get staffers because there was no Time dress them in the lobby and with
Stage managers send them across the street another time was How Many Santas can you
get and of course last minute and it's rush hour five o'clock to get something into the
studio and I think I got about 20 Santos 20 Santas in a coffee shop nobody cares
I I guarantee you you do this in Des Moines Iowa somebody will care
number is how I'm Sarah Palance can we get seven eight nine ten eleven okay so
we now have 16 Sarah palins we ran out of Sarah Palin costumes in the First Act
let's see anybody okay one two three four Cowboy football player kind of like a guy
other Superman fat Spider-Man there they go I know that I had to do Leonard Tepper I had
to do him as a lollipop little girl in a pink dress you know Leonard teppers like six hacks
orientated
I had to tell you something ladies and gentlemen I'm 49 years old that one shot
when she was getting off the chair I'm 49 that's the most unpleasant thing I've seen in my life
yeah there you go this is what I did for the Halloween costume I make sketches have a meeting
with the head writers look at the sketches approve the sketches then I go shopping for
the materials and and I find lightweight material uh New York City Waste Paper can that everybody's
thrown they're broken umbrellas in well if I had just gotten a real Waste Paper kit that would be
intolerable that that child could not wear it so that was some kind of plastic mesh that resembles
and an aluminum everything light for the children another challenge was you know that spit that
you had had meat going around and around well that spit had to have a backsplash and it had
to work going around and around I would have two weeks to do all those costumes and I would spend
to 10 o'clock at night getting it together aside from doing the Regular Show yes ladies
and gentlemen it's the cold weather disaster it's the Chapstick that opens in your pocket
you know what this is this is what I'm going to give you for trick or treat
you want to take a guess what that is
that this my friend is a taxidermied weasel
bear suit that was a lot of segments that Barrett costume we owned it was in-house we had a guy
in the audience last night this was fascinating he said what happened to The Late Show Bear yes
and we used to have the Late Show bear it was a Grizzly beautiful animal and and we would see him
every night and people would want to go down and pet him and stuff and then and then folks started
to complain and so we're sick and tired of the bear stop doing the bear every damn night we don't
need it yeah yeah I remember we just don't want to make it we hate you we hate you and the bear
the bear and you and then and then we of course continued for another two or three years is that
is your wants that is how uh but he's been gone for a long time and I'm happy to announce he's
back ladies and gentlemen how about a nice welcome for The Late Show bear take it away here we go
foreign
I'm being told he's okay I did a Don Rickles I guess about 10 lines and I was just like petrified
all those lines Don Rickles was on that night and he said you did Fabulous I was so pleased
there's a guy in the front row wearing a red shirt that's nice I never entertained a mountie
Frank Sinatra once saved my life he said okay boys he's had enough
was anyone else hurt in the accident good night everybody
okay can you do better than that no you know I had a skit with Meryl Streep I was petrified
and I got oh my God that smell Street what am I gonna do and then I say my line and she flubs
her line and I go she flips her line later on after I did that skit I saw Chris Pine at
another dog show talking about being with Meryl Streep and he had some lines with her and she
flubbed her her line and he said I think it's her technique knowing that you're nervous that she'll
make you more relaxed if she she flubs her line are you an actor hoping to take your career to
the next level learn from two masters of their craft when you enroll in Meryl Streep and Susan
hums Academy of dramatic arts you're wearing the sweater that was selected for you by the people
in this room from the pile of stuff you can't do this this is my house this is my house no no no
we will stand on principle or we will not stand at all acting is a presentation of a character's soul
Marilyn and I will teach you how to breathe life into the words on a page
at Meryl Streep and Susan hums Academy of dramatic arts conveniently located off Route 9 in Terrytown
I started getting written into little segments and I just couldn't figure why
in the hell did they want me and the only thing I could think of is that I just had
this serious look I said nasty things to Dave hi Sue how are you sue hum ladies
do you know how to get blood stains out of money
you are feckless did you hear me yes
feckless don't want your ass getting canned too that boy I'll Crush you you cheap bastard ass dip
you're gonna die alone yeah probably I'll gut you like a fish
drop dead heartless this is why everybody hates you you
miserable you make me sick you make me wanna puke
rotten hell I hope you shrivel up and die
staff hate you rotten hell Saddam don't cross me you punk bastard I'll cut you I wish you were dead
what was what was that
she added why do I get out of bed she added the way she added that yeah and thank God she did
really what would it have been without that did you want to lick the beater
well I I I mean I have done this since I was a kid I'll try some
oh man wow that's that's very tasty are you making a cake oh no I I don't bake