- Are we rolling?
I'm going to Montana!
(fast-paced music) (country music)
Why am I going to Montana, you might ask?
Lone Mountain Ranch in Big Sky, Montana,
has invited me to come out to their Cowgirl Getaway Week.
We're gonna ride horses, and we're gonna fish,
and we're gonna learn how to rope,
and we're gonna do all sorts of things
that I have never done.
I am a city mouse,
and I don't really have much experience in the country.
I've ridden a horse once,
I was a teenager and there was strong adult supervision.
I'm a little afraid of horses.
I don't know if you've gotten that from past videos,
where I feel like we've interacted with horses,
and I've been, (yelling) horses!
But I am a little afraid of horses.
I fished once when I was eight in a pond,
and I think I killed a fish?
I feel bad, sorry, RIP fish.
These are all things
I don't really have any experience doing,
and that I don't really know if I can do.
I've never been to Montana,
I've never done fly fishing before,
so Mike is coming with me on this little trip,
even though he is not technically a cowgirl.
He is a cowgirl in spirit.
I'm very excited, very nervous, this is very last minute.
We're gonna see if I can actually do these skills.
- Kristin, what did the pilot just say on the intercom?
- It's snowing in Bozeman. - I wasn't
really prepared for that.
I have a coat or two.
- I'm wearing a dress. (Mike laughing)
Are my shoes waterproof?
- Mine are not.
This is gonna be exciting. - Am I allergic to snow?
- You grew up in Chicago. - Yeah, I left.
- Mike? - Yes?
- Look, I bought a hat.
- Wow. - I'm ready.
- [Mike] You didn't lose any time.
- No, I bought a hat within five minutes of landing.
It kinda looks like I'm playing pretend a little bit,
which I am, but that's okay.
- [Mike] Do you feel like you're dressed appropriately for--
- No, it's 38 degrees and I'm wearing a dress.
- [Mike] But it's a cute dress.
You've already gotten one compliment about it.
- But it was sorta a wary compliment, like, you look cute.
Good luck. (Mike laughing)
(soft music)
We're here.
- [Mike] Beautiful Montana.
- Beautiful Montana, it's raining a little bit.
- [Mike] But tomorrow should be beautiful.
- I'm wearing tomorrow's clothes today.
Hello!
- Hi.
- Welcome to our fantasy cabin.
Here's this wood burning stove.
- [Mike] I haven't burned wood in a stove for years.
- I've never burned wood in a stove.
- [Mike] Now's gonna be your chance.
- Wait, the bedroom. - Oh.
- Oh my god, Mike, I first walked into this room,
and I was like, wow, that room's incredible,
and then I walked in here and here's what this looks like.
- Excuse me. - Excuse me.
- [Mike] This is built for a queen.
- Oh my god.
I want my romantic honeymoon with this cabin.
- Yes. - You can come too.
- [Mike] Oh thanks.
- There's a clawfoot tub. - Yes.
- And it's another wood burning stove in front of the tub.
- Oh my gosh. - I
am so glad that we are gonna go
confront my fear of horses this week.
Horses are majestic, beautiful creatures--
- Much like you. - Okay.
Back on the point, and they're kinda dangerous,
and they kick people, and they can startle easily,
and they can throw you, and
they run really fast, and it's just,
they freak me out a little bit.
Also, they have teeth, did you know that?
Horses have teeth.
- [Mike] I mean, they're mammals so.
- Not everyone is as smart as you, Mike.
We're gonna do our orientation first,
and that involves drinks and apps,
and I'm gonna meet my horse,
so hopefully I'm not afraid of him.
Ma'am. (Mike laughing)
- You love this hat. - I do.
God, it smells like Christmas here.
- [Mike] It really does.
("The Nutcracker Suite" by Tchaikovsky)
- Yup. - Yup, I listened.
I met my horse.
He loves snuggles, same.
- [Mike] Kindred spirits.
- This looks a little-- (Mike laughing)
- This looks incriminating. - This looks bad,
but one of these is Mike's. - Is it?
Is it mine? - Yes.
- Okay. - I'm gonna light this stove.
Is this dress flammable?
- We'll find out.
- I'm Little House on the Prairie.
- [Mike] (chuckling) This is going great.
Oh! - It's going out.
Just do the thing I told you to do.
- [Mike] Oh wait, is that newspaper?
- Yeah. - Oh yeah,
we're supposed to put the newspaper in, I forgot about that.
- Oh, we are? - Yeah,
'cause it burns more quickly. - Oh my god,
you coulda told me that five minutes ago.
- [Mike] I didn't see it there.
- Wow, that paper like, whoo (chuckling).
- [Mike] Yeah, it gets excited.
- Let's just close that back.
You know what, that looks good to me.
The fire is going,
but every time you close this thing, it gets dimmer,
which means there's not enough oxygen in there,
which means that somehow we're screwing it up.
We're gonna pick this up later.
We're gonna go have dinner now in the Horn and Cantle,
it's gonna be really awesome.
They make amazing, cool food.
We couldn't decide how many shareables to get,
so we got all of 'em.
- Okay good. - Mike, what just happened?
This is a bucket of chicken.
- Oh my god. - What have I done?
- [Kristin] What you've done is
the best choice of your life, my friend.
- I'm excited and terrified. - Oh my god.
It's like your very first time.
- Can you-- (Kristin laughing)
(beeping)
- I feel like I am starting a project
the night before it's due,
that's how much food is happening here.
- [Mike] Should we do dessert?
- I mean, I'll look at a dessert menu,
and I will order something off of it,
and I will eat the whole thing,
and I will not regret it.
Someone came and lit the fire for us.
It turns out the only mistake we made is that
we didn't leave the little door open for long enough.
- [Mike] We smothered it too soon.
- We smothered our fire.
We were helicopter fire parents.
I'm getting the fireplace in my tub lit, I'm terrible.
I am so bad.
Hi Mike.
- [Mike] Wow.
- I tried to cover myself with bubbles but it didn't work.
- [Mike] So we're just angling this really strategically.
- We're angling this where no one can see any of the prizes.
- [Mike] Boop-boop-boo-boo-boop.
(banjo music)
It's time to eat breakfast.
I was like, I'm about to announce something amazing,
but I'm not.
It's very cold.
I'm wearing pants, because I have no choice.
- [Mike] They're cute pants, though.
- I love them.
Look at my butt. - Oh, booty booty.
- I feel like I have a butt shot
in literally every video I do.
- [Mike] As there should be.
- Yeah, it's like an Easter egg,
but I put it right up front.
I got my helmet on, I got new boots.
Pray for me.
Pray for this GoPro.
Hello, Buddy.
- [Instructor] Swing your right leg over.
Sit down nice and easy.
Perfect.
Just like that.
Sit up tall for me, and those stirrups are way too long.
We'll get 'em set over here.
- Alright, oh my god, here we go.
Yup, that should make it better.
- There you go.
Is this your first time on a horse?
- [Kristin] This is my first time on a horse
since I've been 15. - Oh cool.
Bend your knee for me. - Okay.
Oh boy, it's like yoga on a horse.
Hey, Mike, how you doing?
How you doing, Jay?
(bell ringing) Ohp, come on.
Oh wow.
- We got our whole lineup of horses.
We're doing pretty well.
- [Kristin] It's like Lord of the Rings in here.
Mike, I feel like I'm getting comfortable.
I wanted to record this just in case
it becomes a famous last words situation.
I was a little scared, but now we're friends.
We've just stopped.
- [Mike] Yup, we are taking that snack break.
- We are taking a snack break, apparently.
This is interesting. - It's an experience.
- He really likes that grass, though.
- He does. - Just say no to grass, buddy.
Little too fast, honey.
(quick groaning)
You just took me on a little ride, didn't ya?
We saw the open field, we got excited, we went for it.
My butt was going up and down.
You could hear it slapping against the saddle.
- [Mike] It's a good sound.
- [Kristin] Jay would not start again until
all the other horses would start again,
because he is a peer pressure kind of horse.
- No one's fallen off yet,
not to jinx it,
but we're almost back and the horses know that,
so apparently they're going a little faster.
- You only get one piece of funny business
per three minutes, mister.
- [Mike] And it's like, am I gonna fall off?
("Infernal Gallop" by Jacques Offenbach)
(Kristin exhaling)
- Hi, how is your blood pressure?
- Is it time to get off this horse?
- I think it might be.
- Leg out? - Mmhmm,
swing around the back. - Around the back?
- Your arms will go down like this.
Perfect.
(applauding)
- You are a little troublemaker, aren't you?
Every time I was just like, how do I get you to not gallop?
But you just wanted to gallop anyway.
We're gonna go roping now, I'm gonna go rope.
- [Mike] Do you feel ready to rope?
- I feel ready to lie down.
- I'm Kristin. - I'm Patrick.
- Hi, Patrick, nice to meet you.
You're gonna show me how to rope?
- I am going to show you how to rope.
We're gonna hold the rope in our left hand.
You're gonna roll it over your head.
- Roll it over my head like-- - This.
- Like this? - Yeah.
- Okay, like that. - Try to keep it open.
(laughing)
- I am very sorry. - No, I ducked.
- I roped myself.
- And let go at the back of your head.
- I can't hit the butt, I gotta hit the horns.
I think what I'm learning here is that
I'm very lucky other people can do this for me.
Ooh, closer! - Nice.
- Roping is hard.
Can't we just ask the cows nicely to come home?
I'mma do this.
(gasping) (kazoo blowing)
- [Mike] Kristin!
- Gotcha, ya orange jerk.
I think the problem I was having before
is that I was doing it badly.
- Is that the-- - so I stopped that.
- [Mike] I'm so glad you identified what the problem was.
- Look, self-awareness is really important.
We're headed to the wagons.
We're getting pulled by horsies.
- [Mike] We're on a wagon,
I don't actually know where we're going.
- I think we're going on a wagon to somewhere.
(country music)
♪ Jingle bells ♪
♪ It's October 1st ♪
- [Mike] Wow, those are hard working horses.
- Are we getting off now? - Yeah.
- Okay good, can we get a beer?
- Yes. - Can we get a beer right now?
- You deserve it. - I just want a beer.
Let's get a beer, it's beer time.
(country music)
♪ I got some fondue and some wine ♪
- [Mike] I think all cowgirls deserve wine and fondue.
- They deserve it, but do they get it?
I feel like my butt muscles have worked a little more
in the last 24 hours than they usually do.
I thought that maybe my butt was ready, but it was not.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
(dinging)
- Yes.
- What?
(threatening music)
What do you mean, do people fall in all the time?
- Yes.
- Do good people fall in? - Yes.
- What?
Mike, it's day three, and guess what we're doing today?
- [Mike] What are we doing, Kristin?
- We're gonna wear big pants. - Oh.
- Cause we're goin' fishin'.
- [Mike] Oh my.
- How did you do this so easily?
You're already wearing them.
- I was sitting down, I think that helped.
- [Mike] (laughing) This is amazing.
I think you're in it. - Oh, they're tight.
- [Mike] Nice and form fitting.
- Gotta keep it sexy for the fish.
I am feeling packed in.
I don't think I'm peeing until tomorrow probably.
If I catch a fish, it will be really cool,
and also will make this video probably better,
so let's hope I catch a fish..
So cute, look at my outfit.
I realize that's not the point of this,
but it is a fun benefit.
- [Mike] Shape of Water, here we come.
- I'm gonna have you practice at this calm area.
Looking above, there's a loop that forms.
Using my rod to move.
- Alright, look, nope. - Nope.
(laughing)
- Hold that real tight for me.
- Am I the fish? - You're the fish.
- Oh no!
- If you start coming towards me, so walk towards me,
I bring line in to keep this rod bent.
I'm gonna have a little drill with you.
I call it, is it a rock, or is it a fish?
- Is it a rock, or is it a fish?
- With Kristin. - With me!
Go back!
- It was a fish. - It was a fish!
- Let's do it again, ready? - Yeah.
- Snap the hook.
Still a fish, good job! (Kristin laughing)
- How often do people accidentally hook
themselves or others with the hooks?
- When you're learning, it's definitely possible.
It's why we recommend wearing glasses and protective gear.
- Great.
- I can always pull a hook out of your cheek,
but I don't wanna pull it out of your eye.
- What?
- We're gonna try to minimize that, though, today.
- This is dependent on me being good at this.
- [Mike] You have glasses, that's great.
- I do have glasses, that's a plus.
- [Mike] You have that going for you.
(country music)
- Stable, I'm good.
- There you go. - Set, set.
I'm set set set.
- What does that mean? - Oh, pull.
- Remember last time.
Is it a rock or is it a fish?
And then you'll yank it right behind ya.
- Okay, I panicked.
Ready? - Set, set, set.
Let's work on your hook setting.
- So far, I've forgotten all my lessons.
And it's go, (yells loudly).
- I like the sound effects. - Yeah.
- It's like this?
It's the More You Know gesture.
- I wish I knew what that was, but okay.
- Trust me, it's a very funny joke if you get it.
- Angle it back and do the More You Know gesture.
(Kristin laughing)
- [Instructor] You don't need to bring in any line,
and if it does anything funny,
you cast it right back out there.
Cast right back out there.
(Kristin laughing)
We caught it.
- I am fully expecting to fall in at least once.
- [Instructor] Hold it just like this.
It's not moving, there's no line in the water,
and we're gonna follow it down.
- Not a penalty (chuckling).
- [Mike] Yes.
- You've been mostly worried about not being hooked by--
- By a lady. - By a lady.
That's not what you want.
(buzzing) Oh my god!
- [Instructor] Don't freak out, it's real.
Let your hand off the line there.
Now we're gonna let him do his thing.
You're gonna use the reel, remember,
so don't even touch the line.
- Yahoo! - Oh my god, Kristin.
- High five in the middle.
Nice brown trout.
- I got a fish. - You got a fish.
(heralding trumpets) - You got him.
- Oh my gosh.
(Kristin laughing)
- I'm not swimmin' with ya.
Oh my goodness, you're gonna be soppin' wet.
- I know, I did not mean to do that.
I am soaked.
Now we're gonna release him,
'cause we're doing catch and release.
- Just put him in the water. - Okay, there he goes.
- Goodbye. - Bye!
- Thanks!
- That deserves a high five.
You're a fly fisherman now. - Yay!
- [Mike] Are you a cowgirl now?
- I am not a cowgirl now,
but I have done many outdoorsy things
that I have not done before in my life.
It's really nice to feel confident on a horse.
I learned to rope.
Luckily, I was nowhere near a real bull,
or else we probably would be at the hospital right now.
Honestly, I think the hardest thing was the fishing.
As a city mouse, I've always felt very intimidated
by more country and wilderness pursuits,
and this kinda just made me feel a little bit more like
it's something I can do.
I mean, it helped that the food was great
and our cabins were awesome.
I'm not camping.
Thank you so much to Lone Mountain Ranch for having us,
and for tolerating my inability
to coordinate my limbs with my brain.
We had a wonderful time.
Special shout out to my horse.
Hi, buddy.
This is Cowgirl Adventure.
Kristin Teston, fish approved, 'cause we caught fish.
- One fish. - I caught a,
plural of fish is still, it's single--
- [Mike] No, it's fine, no, it's good, it's good.
- [Kristin] I caught a fish.
Did you catch a fish, Mike? - No (laughing).
- [Kristin] Then I guess I caught 100%
more fish than you have.
- I'm gonna cut now. - Okay, bye.
- [Mike] Bye.
(soft music)