God Almighty Declan,
I don't know how I put up with it
Alright Mary, I understand that you're
angry okay, but he's a young boy,
we were all young once,
weren't we?
Oh, were we now?
Well yes, we were to be fair Mary
Come on alright
But thats not what I want to focus on
right now
We're here to listen to whatever Sean
has to say for himself
and not judge
can you do this for me Mary can you?
Oh I'll do my best
Alright good woman yourself
here he comes now...
Morning mum!
F*CK YOU!
Ok...now... MARY!
That's exactly what I was talkin about
Whats goin on uncle Declan?
I'm terribly sorry Sean
Come on into the living room alright
Jesus, what's everyone doin here?
We're all here for you
we're very worried about you
What..worried?
Why?
We think you have a problem
A problem?
What problem?!
Ye don't drink!
What?
You're a f*ckin disgrace!
Alright now Mary please
Sean there have been rumours
going around that you have been
abstaining from drink
Yeah well they're lies okay
cause I love drinking, it's delicious
I'M DRUNK RIGHT NOW!
Ah sure look at him
he can't even slur his words
Ah now Mary
we don't know that
Actually, I went out last night
and I got absolutely spannered!
Hammered...
Eh...Hammered yeah
I found this in your room
Oh Jesus Christ
A bottle of water Sean?
I was holding it for a friend
Ah come on now!!
don't give me that!
I found this under his bed
It's not mine!
It's not yours really?
Really Sean the evidence
is overwhelming
Admit it Darren, admit it!
He's never drank anything that's
not a protein shake or a pint
Mary you'll...
Mary you'll do your back in!
It's getting very heavy Declan
I'm a very strong old woman
You are indeed
Now look..
The evidence is overwhelming Mary
I'm sorry I think we have a problem here
Oh Jesus Christ, he's not a teetotaller
Mary...
He's a complete dry shite
I'm sorry pet
Oh God...
D'ya know...
D'ya know Darren
Every morning I come down those stairs
I pray,
I do, I pray,
that I'll see himself, ya know
passed out
in a pool of his own puke
Ya, ya, ya
with an Abrakebabra wrapped
around his face or something
But no...
He's fallen asleep reading
Oh Jesus...
That was one time!
You're a scumbag!
Alright Mary please
Yeah well drinking's really bad
for your health
did you know that?
That has never been proven!
God Almighty, what would your
father say?
Dad was a violent, abusive
alcoholic mum!
Yeah well at least he was
a bit of craic!
Alright!
Okay!
Time out!
We're going to say things
we're gonna regret
Well I'm sorry I'm not Dad!
I'll never live up to his memory
I'll never be able to drink
forty eight pints in sixteen minutes
it's just not who I am
Sean...
What..
There's something you don't know
about your father
What are you doing Declan?
Shut up!
Mary...
the time has come
What's goin on?
He's old enough!
Don't do it!
Sean,
What?
Your dad never drank forty eight pints
What?... Yes he did!
No Sean,
He'd be lucky if he could stand
after three
That's not true
It's the truth Sean,
and you have to hear this
You're scaring me uncle Declan
Sean your father...
Stop it ok!
...Was a lightweight!
NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
That's not true!
You're a liar!
It's the truth Sean,
HE DRANK COORS LIGHT!!
NOOOOOOO!!!
Stop, stop it...
I'm sorry Sean,
The shame...
The whole town's laughing at us
It's only four percent
No, no please
Please
You lied to me!
You told me he drank so much,
he became good at trad music
Yes,
That's right yeah,
He played all the trad yeah
Mary it's lies!
He did, he'd a massive beard...
Stop it Mary, stop it
Mary he never even forgot your name
not even once
He treated me
very well
Sean will ya come here
and hold your mother
This family's gone through a lot
Now...
*Sobbing*
*more sobbing*
*deeper sobbing*
Mary...
*Heavy breathing*
Are you alright there Mary?
*Animalistic noise*
Sean look...
Look, she's hurting so bad
she's morphing into a creature
can we put this whole thing
behind us
In front of the whole family here
Will ya please
*Creature hiss*
It's too late
It's too late for this one
*Creature growl*
This is such a f*cked up family
I know!
Aside from the
creeping hole in the narrative
that this is providing
em...
Sean would ya
Well it's...
It's not going to be as funny now
but I'll say it anyway
Eh..
Sean will ya join us
In the pub tonight,
for a drink?
Well I've got the Leaving Cert
in the morning...
F*ck the Leaving Cert now Sean
Come on
Yeah okay then I will
Oh that's great
What'll ya have Son?
Eh...
I'll have a Smirnoff Ice
Ah for f*cks sake sean!!
*Cymbal smash*