AS WE GO TO OUR NEXT GAME, DIDGERIDOO NOT RESUSCITATE.
(AUSTRALIAN ACCENT): IF YOU'VE BEEN IN AN AUSTRALIAN AMBULANCE
RECENTLY, IT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU WERE POISONED BY A SPIDER IN
YOUR FLIP-FLOP.
OR YOU WERE BADLY BEATEN BY A BOUNTY HUNTER IN A KAYAK.
YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED THAT PARAMEDICS THERE HAVE STOPPED
ASKING WHO'S THE PRIME MINISTER TO ASSESS YOUR ALERTNESS.
THIS QUESTION'S BEEN DEEMED TOO CONFUSING BECAUSE AUSTRALIA'S
GONE THROUGH FIVE PRIME MINISTERS IN AS MANY YEARS.
HA, HA, HA.
OH, [BLEEP]S.
(NORMAL VOICE): IN FACT, TWO OF THEIR PRIME MINISTERS JUST
WANDERED OFF DURING A CABINET MEETING AND JUST NEVER CAME
BACK.
THEY JUST DISAPPEARED.
BUT I'M PRETTY SURE THERE ARE PLENTY OF OTHER WAYS TO
DETERMINE IF AN AUSTRALIAN IS AWAKE-AROO.
SO, COMEDIANS, GIVE ME AS MANY OTHER QUESTIONS AUSTRALIAN
PARAMEDICS COULD ASK PATIENTS TO ASSESS THEIR MENTAL ALERTNESS IN
60 SECONDS.
AND BEGIN.
(BELL DINGS) JANET.
>> HOW MANY SHRIMPS AM I HOLDING ON THIS BARBIE?
>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT.
POINTS.
(BELL DINGS) GUY.
>> WALLABY OR WALLA NOT TO BE?
>> HARDWICK: POINTS.
(BELL DINGS) THAT IS THE QUESTION. JANET.
>> HOW MANY HEMSWORTHS AM I HOLDING UP?
>> HARDWICK: POINTS.
(BELL DINGS) DIEDRICH.
>> NICOLE KIDMAN?
IF THEY SAY YES, THEY CAN GO.
>> HARDWICK: OKAY, POINTS.
POINTS. JANET VARNEY.
>> IS THIS A KNIFE OR IS THIS A KNIFE?
>> HARDWICK: POINTS.
(BELL DINGS) I FEEL LIKE... I FEEL LIKE THE
PARAMEDIC WOULD BE LIKE, "IS THIS A KNIFE?"
AND THEN THE... THEN THE PERSON DYING IS LIKE, "NO, THIS IS A
KNIFE."
AND THEN THEY... YEAH, THEY HAVE IT RIGHT THERE.
GUY.
>> IS HUGH JACKMAN GAY YET?
>> HARDWICK: POINTS.
(BELL DINGS) NOT WHEN I [BLEEP]ED HIM.
UH, DIEDRICH.
>> OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN?
IF THEY NOD YES, THEY CAN GO.
>> HARDWICK: POINTS.
(BELL DINGS) UH, GUY.
>> UM, JUST PUT THEM NEAR ANOTHER AUSTRALIAN AND IF THEY
START FIGHTING, THEY'RE FINE.
>> HARDWICK: OKAY, PERFECT.