Hi, everybody.
It's me, Ellen.
Just like most people on TV, I'm coming to you
from my house again, which means I have taken my second shower
in three weeks.
I'm doing the show with no makeup.
I mean, obviously, my eyebrows are tattooed on
from the '90s, but otherwise, sans makeup.
Usually I start my show by asking the audience
to have a seat, but I don't care what you do.
You can sit.
You can stand.
Doesn't really matter.
I can't see you any way, which is probably good,
because I know some of you are not wearing pants.
I know it.
Like I said, I'm filming here at my house.
We call this room the "sitting room."
Actually, I call every room in the house our "sitting room."
We used to have a kitchen, and now we
call it "a sitting room with a fridge."
So I wanted to keep making the show
because I miss making people laugh,
and I want to take your mind off things.
I don't know if you're laughing.
I'm hoping you are.
Or just-- I just hope I'm making you,
you know, forget about stuff.
This isn't about politics, and I know it's bad out there,
but I hope this is a distraction for you.
Just like you, I'm trying to find different ways
to pass the time.
I cut my own bangs.
Well, not my bangs.
Portia's bangs.
She was napping.
I can't wait to see what she thinks when she wakes up.
[LAUGHTER]
You like that, Andy?
Yeah, I liked that.
It made me laugh.
I don't see you.
I can't see, again, into the room, but it's funny.
Yeah, there he is.
He's walking around.
My staff is "working from home."
Working from home is glug, glug, glug.
But my producer Andy is here to help me.
He's just wandering around.
You can hear me, right?
I hear you.
OK.
I do not see you.
That's OK.
You're not supposed to see me.
I know, the windows are tinted.
You can't see in.
OK.
While you're out there, if you would do me a favor.
The windows could need some good cleaning.
So I put a squeegee out there behind the tree.
If you would just get the squeegee and--
Where?
It's right behind the tree where you are.
You [INAUDIBLE] You were [INAUDIBLE] earlier.
The red bucket?
Yeah.
There's water in it and a squeegee.
I don't know how to do this [INAUDIBLE]..
That was supposed to be done, and then I
had to-- nobody can be here.
So if you can do it.
Oh, God.
I'm sure you know how to do it.
I have no-- I've done this with my car window.
OK.
Well.
All right.
While he does that, I'll continue with the show.
These shows are going to be a little bit different.
They'll be a little less polished.
Who am I kidding?
You may not even notice.
You've all been drinking since noon.
All right.
Let's say hi to my friend, tWitch. tWitch, Hi.
Hi.
What's up, Ellen?
[INAUDIBLE]
What's up, tWitch?
Oh, you know.
Just, you know.
We're here.
We're in here, and by "here," the house.
What have you done so far today?
Oh, man.
Woke up, you know.
Fixed a few bottles.
Made Maddox some waffles.
It's exciting.
[INAUDIBLE]
Yeah.
All right.
Well, you know what you should try doing?
I suggest cutting Allison's bangs when she's asleep.
Wow.
You know, I would like to continue to enjoy
this time together, so, not.
She can cut mine.
All right.
It was just a thought.
OK, here's another idea.
Maybe you should dance.
I hear you now.
I'm down.
I'm down for that.
All right.
[MUSIC- UNK, "WALK IT OUT"]
Hey.
Now walk it out, walk it out.
West side walk it out.
South side walk it out.
East side walk it out.
North side walk it out.
Now walk it out.
Now west side walk it out.
West side walk it out.
South side walk it out.
East side walk it out.
North side walk it out.
Now hit look the danceflo', and bend ya back low.
She do it with no hands.
Now stop, pop, and roll.
I'm smoking bubble, yeah they in trouble.
I like the way she moves, and undercover-- whoa!
Now everybody lean in.
I make the crowd rock.
Now go on and walk it out.
I see they on my jock.
She want that bubblegum.
Is they the Doublemint Twins?
Two hoes choosing me, so I know that I'm gonna win.
OK.
OK I danced with you, tWitch.
Hey, tWitch.
Oh!