- Have you ever dropped a baby?
Holy shit, do people overreact.
(upbeat electronic music)
- I've wanted to be a parent for a very long time,
and it is such a tremendous experience,
and I feel like Stephanie and I are doing
a great job, I really do, and um--
I do, but I also feel like it would be
reasonable if somebody had called Child
Protective Services a couple of times.
A couple of times, you know, it happens.
You have a rough day, or a weird day.
Um, no, when Max and Finn were just
a couple months old we were so amused
because people would come over to
meet the babies and what we would do is
we'd prop them up with our hands underneath
their armpits and then we'd just say,
"Yep, they're pretty much walking."
And then we'd let go, and their little
noodle legs would buckle, and then we'd catch
them half an inch before they hit the ground.
Oh is that a treat.
If you have a baby I highly recommend trying this out.
If you don't have a baby but know someone
with a baby, ask to borrow the baby.
Nobody will regret this.
The baby's clueless, just like, "Blugh".
They're just a blob, they don't,
and you catch, that's the key, you have to catch them.
You can't just let the little blobs fall,
because that's when there's true trouble.
- You drop a baby in America today, I swear
people hit the roof before the
baby even touches the floor.
And it's not a big deal.
How do I know?
Because I do it all the time.
In fact, I don't think I've ever
held a baby to completion.
Now you might be thinking,
"Anthony, how could you drop a baby?"
You ever held a baby?
How could you not?
It's so easy.
It's a two-step process,
maybe less.
Should you ask, "Anthony why would anyone
ever let you hold their baby?"
The answer's simple.
Negligence.
I love it.
It's a hobby.
The only negative, the only drawback as far
as I'm concerned: the embarrassment.
People try to shame you when you drop their baby.
Even though I almost always make it look like an accident.
That's why this is so great.
You ever do this?
You ever drop a baby
and then scoop it right back up before anybody sees you?
No shit.
Best feeling in the world.
You just hand the baby back and no one is the wiser.
Especially not that baby.
Happened to me just last weekend.
I was at a party.
One of my friends came up and said,
"Anthony, I gotta go to the bathroom.
Will you hold my baby."
And I tell the truth.
I'm always a hundred percent honest.
I say, "Yeah, for a little bit."
Held that baby 30, 45 seconds.
A personal best.
Dropped the baby.
Scooped it right back up before anybody saw me.
And it was close too.
Had to run down three flights of stairs.
(upbeat electronic music)