Here we will explore true facts about the sea pig.
Here is a picture of a land pig.
As you can see they are virtually indistinguishable from the sea pig.
One way to tell the difference is that bacon from a land pig tastes delicious
while bacon from a sea pig tastes like a fish farted on a dirty beach cracker.
Another way is to simply ask it whether it's a sea pig.
If when you ask your mouth fills up with seawater
then you're probably an idiot because the sea pig lives deep in the abyss of the ocean.
The sea pig is a type of sea cucumber.
This is stock video of a sea cucumber, which has been downloaded one time. By me.
This is a picture of a land cucumber.
As you can see, they are virtually identical.
If you get confused, check to see if your cucumber is breathing through its anus.
Because unlike land cucumbers, sea cucumbers breathe through their anuses.
As you might have guessed, this is no ordinary run-of-the-mill commonplace anus.
Sea cucumbers have a cloaca. Think of it as a multi-purpose orifice
for breathing, pooping, mating and any other
orifice-related needs you might have. Convenient.
Not what I would have chosen personally. I'm quite happy with my arrangement
I'm a man who likes a bit of distance between the breathing and the pooping.
But no judgments. As my mother used to say, "A hole is a hole."
Wow, in this context that really sounds pretty bad.
Retraction. In any case, the many uses of the cloaca did not escape the pearlfish,
which has formed a symbiotic relationship with the sea cucumber.
It hides inside the sea cucumber's butt,
where it feeds and gains protection. The sea cucumber, meanwhile, has a fish in its butt.
Win-win. The sea cucumber has a remarkable defensive adaptation.
When attacked, it violently contracts its muscles and jettisons its internal respiratory organs out of its anus
in a process known as evisceration. Needless to say, the predator becomes confused.
To understand this, imagine that you are getting mugged
and in response you pulled your pants down, bent o-- actually, I don't think this really helps.
Further down in the depths, the little-understood sea pig
uses hydraulic pumps that inflate its legs full of water
as it marches on the ocean floor in search of detritus and whale carcasses to eat.
Because it is so mushy mushy, the sea pig is a host to parasites like
small snails and crustaceans, which burrow into it and feed on its insides.
Bummer. Fortunately, the sea pig doesn't really have a brain.
So it probably doesn't care.
Remember, if someone scares you, just bend over and fart your lungs all over that bastard.
Who knows, it might just work.
As my mother used to say, "Don't poke that pig, boy."
In this context, it works perfectly.
SEEAAA PIIIG. SEEAA PIIG.