I'm here today to help you learn how to live a normal life in a changed world.
First of all I think there's a couple of definitions that we need to be aware of.
And normal...
....And changed
Let's do that backwards. From the changed perspective.
Of course it's changed. Things are changing all of the time.
Now, sometimes changes occur faster or more dramatically than others. And since
you found this video, you might have something in your life that has
dramatically or significantly changed your life. Change happens all the time. In
fact, just think about 2 hours from now, for example. In 2 hours, will things be
exactly the same? No. It's not even possible. At the very least, you will be
2 hours older. So, things can't be the same. Not exactly. Usually those changes
are subtle and small. But sometimes something happens where we have a
dramatic change. An accident or an injury, a diagnosis, a pandemic. An earthquake,
a bombing. Whatever it is, it dramatically and significantly changes
our life. Change is not a bad thing. It's part of the deal. And as we look at our
relationship with change, it will start to inform us about what kinds of things
we might be able to do differently to adjust to that. So, let's accept change as
a reality. And here's something that I love about that. Better is always
different. Now, my editor Thomas Cantrell tells me to always avoid the word always
and never use the word never. But I just used it.
Better is always different.
By definition.
Because if it's not different, it can't be better.
It has to be the same.
So, better is always different. Now, that doesn't go the other way.
Because sometimes different isn't better. And that's what creates our
anxiety about it. Change is not a bad thing. Changes in an ever the both Inge
and it's necessary for improvement. And that gives us some hope and some ideas
about what we might be able to do with it.
One of my personal coaching clients
shared this with me a few months ago as she was adjusting to some different
things in her life, some really significant changes. In this change, she
had lost an opportunity that was really important to her with her schooling. Well,
as we discussed that opportunity, she wasn't sure how she could move on and be
happy without the expected benefits that that educational opportunity would have
brought into her life. But it was no longer available to her. She had also
lost her mother a few years earlier when her mother passed away. Well, when her
mother passed, they held a funeral. And we do this so
that we have a chance to let go or to resolve in our minder to bring it close
to that relationship. At least the way that we were used to it. And it dawned on
her as we were talking that maybe she could do the same thing for this
educational opportunity. The school did not accept her. That was not going to
change. But maybe she could hold a funeral (so to speak) for the expectation,
for the hopes and the dreams that she had related to that particular opportunity.
And this becomes a powerful tool that we can use as we deal with
changes in our life, to let go of what we don't have or no longer have access to
or what we've lost in order to open the possibility of enjoying what we do
have. This was an important step for her. You know, I like the visual imagery of
that too. If I'm clinging to something, look at the position of my hand. How it's
closed and tight. But as I let go of something, my hands open. My hand is open
now to receive whatever it is. You know, I also read a book as the youth. One of my
favorite books was Wilson Rawls, Where the Red Fern Grows. It's a story of a
young boy who with his dogs hunt raccoons. And that's kind of the setting
in which they have their many great adventures. Well, to train the dogs, he
needed a raccoon. But the dogs weren't trained to catch the raccoon yet. S,o he
had to trap one. And the way that he trapped it was by boring all in a log
that was just big enough for a raccoons pot to get in there. And then he would
put at the bottom of that hole something shiny, something attractive to the
raccoon. And then drive nails into the hole at an angle so that they were
poking out inside of there. The raccoon could get his fist his hand in.
But once he grabbed hold of the coin or whatever shiny thing was in there, his
fist would ball up and catch against those sharp points of the nails trapping him.
Well, all he would have to do is let go in order to slip his hand out of that
hole. But that's against their nature. They want to hang on to it. What are we
hanging on to that's keeping us trapped? You have to be able to let go of what
you don't have in order to have the openness to receive what you do. Give
yourself time and permission to grieve whatever you've lost. That's okay, that's
part of letting go in order to open you up for what's next.
Every change gives an opportunity.
An opportunity for what?
To create.
Or to innovate, or to come up with some solutions that did not exist before.
Discontent is the mother of innovation and creation. Just like when we say
necessity is the mother of invention, yeah. If you're not lacking something
then you have no reason to create anything. Use that knowledge as an
impetus for creating whatever is next for you. This is a great opportunity for
you. Notice I don't even know what your change is. I mean, I know what some of the
general changes are that people face. But whatever yours is specifically, I don't
know. I do know however that this creates an opportunity for you. And if you can
find the opportunity, then it starts to feel very different. Now, I have to get to
this last one. I've been saving this for last because in my opinion this is the
most powerful tip that I can give you. And it has to do with the proper
operation of the equipment. The equipment of your own mind which is going to work
for you or against you. And the good news about that? It's a choice. You get to
choose which direction it works for you. And you can only really do that when you
understand how it works. Stay positive. Now, this is not the trite,
fluffy, just think positive that you're going to get from motivational speakers and
gurus on the stage. No. This is a psychological tool and principle that
has the power to completely transform your life when you understand it. I'm not
going to get into all of the details behind that in this video. Because I've
got those for you in some other places. In fact, in the outro, I'll give you a
little heads up to that. Positivity is the starting place for everything that
happens up here. Now, I say positivity. But understand that there's a choice.
It could be positivity or it could be negativity. And you get to pick one of
those. It's an important choice because what you choose
here determines your outcomes. It's not magic, it's not luck.
Positivity is a choice.
You know, one of my clients recently as I was teaching him how to
operate the equipment. He came up with this. He says, "Okay. Dr. Paul, I guess I
just I just really need to start thinking differently."
And my response to him surprised him. I said, "Or not!" Which kind of irritated him. Kind of irritated
you when I said it just now, didn't it? Because he wants to think differently.
He said, "I guess I just need to think differently." As if it's some pressured
obligation. No. It's a choice. Pick what serves you well. When I said "Or not", he's
like, "Well... I want to think differently." "Oh, okay.
I can get behind that. I'll help you with that all day long." You don't have to. It's
a choice. And that choice is so powerful. Because it changes all of your outcomes
in some really important ways. I hope you found that helpful. I know I didn't give
you all of the instructions for how to operate the equipment. There's 2 things
that you can get. Right now, today to help you with that, I'm offering you a free
copy of my book Pathological Positivity. You just pay for the shipping, I'll pay
for the book. Sound like a great deal?
Go to DrPaulJenkins.com.
Spelled with
a D-R. And click on the button to get your free book. There's also a community of
positive thinking people and resources that will help you to stay positive. Head
on over to DrPaulJenkins.com.