It became overwhelming to the point to where I just, kind of,
not necessarily shut down, but certain aspects
were not getting the full attention that was needed.
Mr. David, I hear you, and I want
to be as compassionate as possible,
but hundreds of thousands of Black women do just that.
Oh yeah.
Get left.
I understand that.
With the children, and the dishes, and everything else,
and don't get an opportunity to check out.
And like you say, I know, as a school teacher, I know many,
many thousands of women that have been through what
I've gone through, and they were success--
they got success stories.
Their sons went on to do great things.
That doesn't make their story my story.
Right.
My story is simply, I was beginning to grieve.
I was overwhelmed, and I was grieving,
and I just didn't know how.
And I think that's the key.
I didn't know how to implement, to apply
the correction, the discipline.
Put these in your ears.
I want you to hear something, OK?
Tell me if it's too loud.
[MUSIC - WESS MORGAN, "I CHOOSE TO WORSHIP"]
Can you hear it?
Mhm.
OK.
Close your eyes.
(SINGING) I choose to worship.
Mm, yes I do.
I just can't give up.
I can't lay here and give up, no.
I choose to worship right now.
I choose to worship.
I'm gonna give you this later.
OK.
This is an opportunity for us to work towards correction.
I can't have you making yourself in a worse situation
by beating yourself up.
What else could you do but beat yourself up?
I mean, you're your own worst critic.
You can see it as an opportunity, instead of--
To correct some of this wrongness.
It is what it is, right?
Right.
I'm sharing with you about your son,
about David, because what I want you to understand
is, all is not lost.
I don't want you to think that that's where we are.
We're a lot closer than you think to getting
what it is that you wanted.
But we can't get there if you impact your own capacity
by beating yourself up.
The world is going to do that for you,
so I can't have you doing that.
I need your 100% focus.
I think I might have to void your lack
of self-respect ticket.
So if I may, I'll read to you what David wrote.
OK.
Let me tell-- is it all right if I do that?
[INAUDIBLE]
OK.
David says, good morning, I am in Atlanta for the week,
and I wanted to let you know I am aware that I
am failing your classes.
And I have been slacking, he said in capital letters,
in catching up.
But I wrote this email to let you know you will see
better from me and more hard work in me
catching up in your class.
All right!
That's what I'm talking about, [INAUDIBLE]
That's my guy right there.
That's my guy.
That's what I'm talking about.
Can I just pause you right there for a second?
You're a good dude, man.
You really are.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Can you receive that?
Can you receive that you're good?
So if you are that good, get off that damn pipeline.
We got to void them tickets, and those tickets are very clear.
Mr. David, that means whatever is on that ticket,
you got to do the opposite, so we can get you off the pipeline
and give you some good tickets.
Can you hear me?
Now see, this is a brother, this is a dude right here,
this is a man's man looking at you and saying,
you're a good dude.
You a solid dude, man, you really are.
Let me tell you something solid dude things
you did that you didn't even recognize you did.
Miss Vanzant asked you about some specifics
about things between you and your brother.
You didn't jump up with a whole bunch of, he did this,
and he did that.
You were just trying to keep it, like, you know what, let's just
say that there's some things between him
and me that I don't think are real cool.
And what I hear you saying is that there's
a moral compass for you.
When you see your father being played by your brother,
you stand up and say, yo, bruh, what are you doing?
And then Dad, why are you letting him do this to you?
Like, my man, you need to stop this, because you hurting Dad,
and I'm not OK with you hurting my father.
Like, if this is OK for you, it's not OK for me.
And if you would do that to my father, dude,
what would you do to me?
He does me worse, but my problem
is, I don't come in like that.
I come in with fists, you know what I'm saying,
that's my problem. - That's a ticket.
We know that.
That's a ticket.
But, the point I'm making to you
is that you're a good, solid dude.
You just got to chill with disobeying your father.
I mean, y'all gonna mess around and kill that dude
if you don't stop, seriously.
It's just got to stop.
I understand disagreements, but you've got to stop,
you know he needs your help.
You know he's not the kind of man,
he's never going to get up in your grill, like yo,
you need be--
that's not who he is.
You just got to do what-- you got to manage yourself.
You know you got to clean your room,
you know you got to get yourself together.
You know you got to do those things.
This is the problem right here.
You ain't got to worry about that.
I'm always gonna rep my dead homies,
and we're always going to be [INAUDIBLE]
gang [INAUDIBLE] gang, you know what I'm saying?
It ain't never gonna change.
I ain't sitting here saying I'm finna be,
oh, throwing off colors.
No, none of that.
I just had a lot of partners who died behind that stuff,
you know what I'm saying?
Like, even though I'm not in that stuff,
you know, lives were still lost.
You can rep brothers who somehow passed away.
You can best rep them by making sure you are
not going to be the next one.
And when you rolling in that lifestyle,
it's an inevitability.
The streets are undefeated, son.
They don't lose, they don't lose.
There's no 401(k) or retirement plan from the hood,
there just isn't one.
There just isn't.
It may not seem like it, but 100 years ago when I was younger,
my friends were involved in things,
and doesn't mean that I didn't care about them,
I just couldn't be where they were.
Tell me why this is important.
That's the cause of all this stuff, you know?
I wouldn't even say gang, them dudes were my brothers, man.
But don't get me wrong, I ain't in no gang,
I ain't got no set to throw up.
I'm from suburb, you feel me?
I completely feel you.
Like, I don't even understand why this is a conversation.
How you get to be a son of a preacher and a nurse,
and we having this conver-- this is crazy to me.
You know I'm saying, like, even
though it ain't all colors, it's still
a brotherhood that we got.
Brotherhood, there's nothing wrong with a brotherhood,
as long as the brotherhood is not
committing crimes and making life uncomfortable for the rest
of the community.
You ain't got to worry about that.
I'll take that G-A-N-G word and make it something better.
What would you make it?
Say, like, me-- us living out here, say,
me and my homeboys, we took up half the street
with these big houses.
OK, so you give me your word on it?
[STAMPS PAPER]
How does that make you feel?
Cause yesterday, when I was giving you that look,
what did I do?
I went and got your momma's picture,
and I said, what would she say?
What would she say?
She wouldn't even have words for the stuff I be on now.
Yeah.
But you would know that look, wouldn't you?
Look at me.
[INAUDIBLE] like that, but--
Well, that's my look.
So how does it make you feel?
You heard your father, that took a lot of courage right there.
So how does that make you feel to hear
your father disclose something?
I maybe felt, like, deep down I knew, I knew.
Without even her telling you, I know she wouldn't
care about none of that.
She'd just want me to get out of high school,
[INAUDIBLE] get out of high school.
Without even having heard from her.
Even though I'm feeling like I do be talking to her,
and I be like, I'm gonna get out of high school,
even though I talk to her in bad situations.
And I just be--
it's like I be making deals with her,
be like, Momma, get me out this situation,
I'll make it up to you, I promise.
Is that true though, or do you be lying to her?
Man, that's between me and her.
IYANLA VANZANT: OK, yeah, I'll get out of that right
there then.
[CHUCKLES]
But here's what I really want you to hear.
You lost a mother, confidant.
He lost his best friend, his wife, his confidant,
and the mother of his children.
And Daddy, why didn't you-- does he know your love story
with his mom?
About the love of your life and his mother,
your wife, his confidant.
That's a whole other connection.
That's something to be proud of.
And I'm not making excuses, guys, and I'm hearing
what y'all saying.
But David can contest, he and Lawrence don't like doing this.
I've been begging, trying to get them to sit down.
And I know what you're finna say.
What?
Trying?
You need to make them sit they but down.
- No, no, no, no, - I ain't doing that to you.
No.
Come on, man.
You cannot clear the upset with the object of the upset.
Why don't your sons know that their grandfather
had a mental health issue that you had to watch?
How come they don't know that?
How come they don't know that as a young boy,
you watched them put your father in a straitjacket
and take him away?
How come they don't know that when your father came back,
he was a different person?
And didn't it change your mother?
Oh, it definitely did.
How?
Because just like--
Tell him, your grandmother.
Your grandmother, just like with me and my situation,
she was responsible for my care, because at the time
it occurred and happened, my brothers and sisters
were pretty much grown.
They were out on their own.
So I was pretty much really the only one in the house.
Your grandmother only had to really kind of contend and deal
with me, but it still affected her drastically,
and I know it hurt her.
I saw her sit down at the kitchen table and cry.
I held her at the kitchen table while she cried
and let her know I got you.