2101. There are more uses to ninjitsu than just dodgin process servers.
2102. I will not make any plan that hinges on the medicinal value of dire wombats.
2103. Even if he is Lawful Evil, the villain isn't going to respond to a jury summons.
2104. They don't make civilian models of chain guns.
2105. Infravision no longer works like thermographic vision, so I can stop trying to hide from
the elf by smearing myself with mud. 2106. You can't crank start a warjack.
2107. Tharn aren't allowed to take cooking skills.
2108. Even if I have the model for her, Satyxis can't be disk jockeys.
2109. Doesn't matter if he is a Son of Bragg, "Hey Baby" is not a Trollkin mating call.
2110. Trollkin cannot puff out their chins like frogs.
2111. Warjacks do not prefer bacon favored coal.
2112. Khadorians primary weakness is not temperate weather.
2113. I can't saddle break: A dire troll, a Kodiak warjack, or the Butcher.
2114. I can't clear out a dungeon by just throwning a ball down the entrance and telling
the Nomad warjack to fetch. 2115. Just because the Nyss decided to become
a fire sorceror doesn't mean she hates her parents.
2116. One does not just 'whip up' a priestess of Loviator.
2117. I will not buy skills for weapons that don't exist yet.
2118. No more arguing over whether my Ogrun looks more like Fabio or Lorenzo Lamas.
2119. The Ogrun language does not sound like the Ewok victory song.
2120. Elves do not squirt ink out of their nipples as a defense mechanism.
2121. Elves also do not secrete a foul tasting oil when threatened.
2122. The reason elves live in forests is not to protect them from eagles that swoop
down and grab them up. 2123. No regifting cursed items on Christmas.
2124. The DM will notice if the entire party is named after the Houston Texans offensive
line. 2125. No matter how close to lunch is it,
halflings don't have to save vs. cannibalism. 2126. There will be no more arguing on whether
Eowyn could have killed MacBeth or McDuff could have killed the Witch King.
2127. The following haircuts are forbidden to Ogrun: Pompadour, Flock of Seagulls, TV's
Frank 2128. The elf punk has more options in her
downtime than just accordian practice and torture porn.
2129. I will refer to the other player's sidekick by her name and not just "Your make believe
Chinese lesbian girlfriend." 2130. My first priority in the Apocalypse
is not finding a monster truck or finishing my Lord Humongous costume.
2131. The Apocalypse was probably not caused by Grips, Mimes or French Maids.
2132. Despite Hollywood's claims, not all renegade cops keep miniguns under their desks.
2133. If my starting Star Wars character is immediately set upon by an escaped Rifts character,
wadding up my character sheet and throwing it at him is not an appropriate form of surrender.
2134. Before resorting to burlesque, we will explore all other options on how to sneak
past the security camera. 2135. I can't make an acquisition test in
the middle of combat to hire away the rival Rogue Trader's crew.
2136. I will not let the GM threaten me with "Do your worst" if my character was based
on Feyd-Rautha. 2137. Even if I am playing a Ravenwing marine,
I have to get off the motorcycle eventually. 2138. If the game retcon's my characters god,
I will not start the orthodox faith of the old version of the god.
2139. You can't critically hit with a nuclear weapon.
2140. Even if the rules allow it, you can't slip an object into a person's pocket if the
object is larger than the person. 2141. After clearing out the dungeon, I won't
animate all the dead orcs and leave behind the copper pieces so the next party won't
be totally disappointed. 2142. No matter how many points I've put into
Perform, I can't use my mandolin as my sole method of communication.
2143. Wishes have no effect on errata. 2144. I will stop referring to Satyxis as
"two pointers." 2145. Satyxis don't shed their horns every
fall like elk. 2146. Satyxis aren't related to Qunari.
2147. There will be no more jokes about the GM's horny bikini wearing pirate chick fetish.
2148. When asking if I'm cross playing, they didn't mean if my character was Christ.
2149. You can't plea bargain regicide. 2150. The cryokinetic's default job is not
to protect the cooler. 2151. Just because the dwarf hits name level
doesn't mean we owe him a bar mitzvah. 2152. Getting four guys each with a different
25% Mythos Lore doesn't mean we win Call of Cthulhu.
2153. The "fur" and "lust" domains shall never meet.
2154. No reminding my lieutenant that "Neidermeyer" can be used as a verb.
2155. Getting multiple entries in a game's first errata is not a badge of honor.
2156. Even if my metamagician has his twinned, enhanced, empowered, maximized magic missile
readied doesn't mean I can tell people to "make my day"
2157. Doesn't matter if we all have different costumes and names, the group is vetoed if
its clear we're all Thor. 2158. Using my animal influence ability to
send countless animals on a suicide attack is fine, but not to form a chorus line.
2159. Just because my media only put the bare minimum into his journalistic skills doesn't
mean he starts at MSNBC. 2160. The ability to calculate Thaco in your
head does not increase attractiveness. 2161. Invoking Andre the Giant only works
once to win an argument with the storyteller. 2162. Can requisition items nobody in the
squad knows how to use. 2163. Before starting an underwear clad pillow
fight, I must first make sure the party is not all dwarves.
2164. There will be no further product placement in the mission evaluation videos.
2165. To cut down on the number of Mexican Standoffs, there is only one commissar allowed
in the squad now. 2166. The Weeping Angels natural enemy is
not the goldfish. 2167. The answer is never "Dwarven River Dance".
2168. No starting a bidding war during character creation to see who the Pet NPC likes best.
2169. Can't use a water gun to make the Aslan follow orders.
2170. Step 1 in the party's preparation for the quest is not a mani/pedi.
2171. Can't reduce the difficulty of an autopsy check by skipping the 'put everything back
where you found it' step. 2172. Even if its beneficial, no changing
the number of limbs on a character without the other player's consent.
2173. Better benefits doesn't justify alignment conflicts with an organization.
2174. If another PC dies, no bonus xp for going through all 7 stages of grief before
the end of the session. 2175. It's best we don't let the paladin anywhere
near customs. 2176. Even if calling out characters for critical
hits is encouraged, no talking the crit hit monster into naming his character Skjor.
2177. Plan A is not send in the Doom Reaver and wait for the screams to stop.
2178. Despite what you think, the profession: Dentist can't substitute for the interrogation
skill. 2179. My Werebear can't hibernate through
the boring expository parts at the beginning. 2180. Even if I can justify a Viking with
a maxed out legal skill, that doesn't give him a law degree.
2181. Druids don't practice dental hygiene by having small birds pick their teeth clean.
2182. Mechalus are not just Borg with better PR.
2183. Distract the bad guy does not mean with a called shot to his appendix.
2184. No hacking the target megacorp to put out a recall notice for their security's firearms.
2185. Despite it's tremendous cost to benefit ratio, bubblewrap is not a staple of black
ops. 2186. My character in an Anthro RPG is meant
to be a anime furry cliche, not an escapee from Looney Toons.
2187. No matter how many examples I can give, a flamethrower cannot boost morale.
2188. The primary use of a Druid's nature lore is not to learn the mating calls of various
fey creatures. 2189. The 2nd Book of Gretsky appears nowhere
in the Canadian Bible. 2190. Can't take Energy Blast with infinite
range and the ability to shoot through the TV and just channel surf the news.
2191. When challenged by a Dwarf King, I can't pick basketball.
2192. The villain will eventually notice the train tracks are starting to point straight
at his front door. 2193. Inspire Courage is a great super power,
unless you use it to get hordes of innocent bystanders to bum rush the super villain.
2194. No questioning the Marshal on why a town of 4,000 people and no strategic value
warranted a 100 megaton nuke. 2195. "Bladder Control" is not an appropriate
super hero power. 2196. When listing the advantages of elves
to the new player, I will leave off "shatter proof".
2197. Rings of Fire Resistance offer no protection from rug burn.
2198. When the villain is hiding from us, just can't call him on his cell.
2199. No animal companions come in their prehistoric version.
2200. If I just cast 17 fire spells in the Druid's Sacred Grove and a simple "Sorry"
isn't going to cut it. 2201. Just because they don't have rules for
them, Canadians can still be companions for the Doctor.
2202. When I take watch, everybody must wake up with the same number of limbs as they went
to sleep with. 2203. Even if the rules allow it, the spell
Command: Summarize can't speed up the plot exposition.
2204. The restriction on guns extends to all buildings used for higher education.
2205. The commissar will not be pleased if our entire plan is 1. Ask for a Baneblade.
2. Roll low. 2206. Create a distraction doesn't mean with
walruses trained in ballroom dance. 2207. We are not stopping the villain with
small mammals armed with power tools. 2208. My favored enemy must be more than just
"Claire". 2209. My techpriest will refrain from developing
emotional attachments to the ordnance. 2210. I will remember that if any samurai
sounds like Takeshi Shimura, we will all end up sounding like Takeshi Shimura.
2211. If I have to change my samurai's voice, I will pick something that doesn't make him
sound like a native of Guadalajara. 2212. The DM doesn't want to hear about the
pointlessness of framing an aasimar paladin for murder.
2213. In the middle of a black ops the target's elevator music selection is off limits.
2214. Deer season is restricted to rifles or bows, not brass knuckles.
2215. Despite what the rules imply, multiple held actions do not interfere with the flow
of time. 2216. Can't spot the paladin hiding in the
thieves guild by looking for the guy breaking out in hives.
2217. Multi-classing to a fighter/mage/thief is fine. A fighter/mage/thief/Reagan Democrat
is not. 2218. We don't have to consult a neurologist
every time somebody fails a paralysis save. 2219. No casting haste on the fighter while
he sleeps to see how long it takes him to notice all the new gray hair.
2220. No using every possible special rule for combat in the very first fight of the
campaign. 2221. If a conjured monster does exceptionally
well in combat, I can't ask him for a resume. 2222. The Find Traps spell doesn't work on
dating websites. 2223. Stone of flesh spells are banned in
all major art galleries. 2224. Anesthetic is not just for sissies.
2225. Personal effects are enough to prove we stopped the villain. No more bringing back
his zombified corpse. 2226. The concept of vowels are not alien
to dwarves. 2227. The first thing you do in Bangkok after
clearing customs is not make an alignment check.
2228. No asking the elf how they make it to 1000 years old with such a crappy fortitude
save. 2229. It's Thieves Cant. Not Illegalize.
2230. Even if we were told to use all of it, can't use the extra explosives for public
displays of affection to my girlfriend. 2231. The spell is called Dancing Lights,
not Detect Epilepsy. 2232. When discussing examples of target sizes,
there will be no mention of areolas. 2233. Cause Disease doesn't let you pick the
diseased caused, so I can stop reading the symptoms of Kuru.
2234. No abusing homonyms. 2235. Just because Orlais doesn't have a Shogun,
doesn't mean I can declare myself one. 2236. Even if it would be awesome in real
life, Immunity: Bureaucracy is not an acceptable super power.
2237. Christian Baleful Polymorph is not a real spell.
2238. The Returning ability on magical weapons doesn't let me make a fortune at pawn shops.
2239. Under no circumstances is modern art purchases coming out of the team fund.
2240. Though there are many to ways to become a god, buying a Gibson Les Paul and maxing
out the perform skill isn't one of them. 2241. "Fantastic in the sheets" is not an
appropriate character focus. 2242. Even if the rules allow it, no asking
a Dread Destroyer for favors. 2243. Buying the crew the best quality underwear
in the sector isn't going to increase moral. 2244. On second thought, rhythm guitar isn't
an appropriate focus for a bard. 2245. Ammunition is not just for closers.
2246. No basing our epic powered superhero group in Terre Haute.
2247. If even if the rules allow it, no trading in our laser guns for muskets to play Sharpe's
Rifles IN SPACE!!! 2248. No abusing union bylaws to exploit holes
in security. 2249. Even if I take the Total Recall trait,
I can't remember all quarter million crew on my ship by their first name.
2250. Even if I haven't had anything to do for several hours, no updating Facebook in
the middle of a Black Ops. 2251. No calling a city councilman to settle
an argument about dwarves. 2252. When a dwarf goes to the surface for
the first time, I can't cast levitate on him. 2253. Gandolf never had a lavender phase.
2254. Covering myself in mud doesn't make me invisible to the elf.
2255. In the middle of a Black Ops I can't delete the guards we killed from their HR
database. 2256. I cannot play anything with a blowhole.
2257. Even if my character is Welsh, his name has to include vowels.
2258. If the middle of a Black Ops can't call a lot of long distance phone sex numbers and
just leave their phones off the hook. 2259. Even if I am allowed to design my own
gun, I can't make a .314 Magnum Pistol. 2260. My Qunari cannot join the Church of
Giantology. 2261. No picking a god based solely on the
number of paid religious holidays they offer. 2262. If we're level 1, we can't blow up the
planet. 2263. The rune stones did not just say the
princess needs to get naked. 2264. Even if my character is from Chicago,
he still only gets one vote in party matters. 2265. I will remember any use of the Perform:
Burlesque skill is going require a full turn for my bard to get dressed again.
2266. Immunity to blast damage does not help against the fallout of another player's stupidity.
2267. When the GM says I can have any weapon classified as archaic, that doesn't include
trebuchets. 2268. When in the presence of a god is not
the best time to bring up the topic of reformation. 2269. Can't switch religions in the middle
of a game. 2270. No auctioning off my faith between the
various temples. 2271. No converting to religions from other
games. 2272. The paladin does not have to run a background
check on new PCs before they join the group. 2273. Can't pick a religion based solely on
the greatest number of sexual positions allowed. 2274. I am not transelven.
2275. Disguising the party as Cygnarans requires more than just buying a whole bunch of goggles.
2276. I will not name my character Bab Thaco. 2277. If the king says he will reimburse our
expenses, no turning the mission into an epic continent spanning quest.
2278. Especially if the original missions was "kill all the goblins in this cave."
2279. No abusing the thaumaturgy spell by slamming doors in the face of missionaries,
inventing the clapper, or constantly impersonating BRIAN BLESSED.
2280. We aren't starting 5th edition by finding Elminster in the shower wondering about 4th
edition. 2281. Bring the goblins to justice doesn't
mean knocking all of them out and marching them back for a public apology.
2282. Our first encounter can't end with me hugging a bugbear tell him how much I missed
him. 2283. There is no such thing as a Belt of
Norwegification. 2284. I am not assigning that 18 I just rolled
to my necromancer's charisma. 2285. I will remember the basic set is still
incomplete and ignore all the "under construction" signs.
2286. Can only pick two of the following for my character: dwarf beserker, battering ram,
fireproof, light source. 2287. We are not using the dwarf's back hair
to make any of the following: rope, sweater, quilt, hot air balloon.
2288. I will not force the rookie to pick sides in the eternal banded mail debate.
2289. Even if the breakup was bad, naming my ex as my ranger's favored enemy puts out
a creepy stalker vibe. 2290. Even if the rules allow it, my gladiator's
starting weapons cannot be the trident and bagpipes.
2291. Even if he is "a mysterious entity whose nature is utterly foreign to the fabric of
reality" Andy Kaufman does not count as a Great Old One.
2292. Even if the rules allow it, I can't have proficiency in every skill by level 6.
2293. No casting Guards & Wards in the houses of people who annoy me.
2294. I will stop casting Awaken on the other party members' horses.
2295. If even if they are half the cost of warhorses, can't just by elephants for the
entire party. 2296. My gnome won't drunk call the Elf MkII
that didn't make the cut in the new edition. 2297. When asked for typical barbarian settings,
I can't suggest Camden N. J. 2298. The bond "ex-husband" can't be applied
to every female character in the party. 2299. I will stop assuming all Drow know Drizzt.
2300. It's cute when you train your hamster to attack their eyes. Your weasel not so cute.