Hey everybody, happy Thursday! Now before I jump in today's topic,
I want to share a special announcement!
I am coming to Austin, Texas, next week
and I would love to meet with you.
So follow me on twitter for the details of when and where the meet-up will be,
I'm thinking it'll be on the 24th, which is Tuesday,
But I'm still trying to find a place that would work for all of us,
Where we could hang out for a couple of hours,
And meet all of you wonderful, and beautiful, people!
So stay tuned, follow me, I'll also try to leave a comment below this video
And pin it to the top so that you can see it,
And hopefully come and meet me!
Now into the topic we're going to talk about today.
And that topic is: self sabotage.
I've received a few questions on the live streams,
And on the video, last Monday's video,
People asking: 'Why do I always self sabotage?'
'When things finally start to feel better, why do I find myself doing things to make it worse?'
'Could you please talk about this?'
And the answer is, yes!
And it's very, very common.
And I think it's really important for us to talk about
all of the reasons why we might
Enjoy our illness.
Or like things being shitty.
Or want to be self injuring still,
Or depressed, or whatever.
And the true root of it, is because it's comfortable.
We're used to it.
We know what to expect when it comes to where we're at now, right?
We've been in it for a while,
Our depression is really predictable, or our self injury,
we know what it means, what it looks like,
We know how we feel when we're doing it.
Therefore, trying to get better, and trying to change those behaviors,
And do things in a different way,
Can be kind of scary, right?
We don't really know what to expect,
We don't know what it's going to look like,
And, therefore, we can find ourselves
Wanting to revert back to our old behaviors.
What I would encourage you to do, instead of
beating yourself up,
and thinking, "Why the hell am I self sabotaging,"
"Why do I always do this" and all of that negative self talk,
that we already struggle with
instead of doing that,
Just notice, pay attention.
When do we start self sabotaging?
Is it when we get to a certain place,
when we start feeling better?
Is there something that triggers it?
Is there something that happens, or that we think, or
a thought process, or an experience we have with family,
or friends, that always sends us back that route?
Start noticing.
We don't necessarily have to do anything about it yet.
I think it's important for us to note when it's happening.
Why. What triggers it. And all of that.
Because all of the information really helps us better
prepare ourselves for when this happens again.
Because we know that this is a pattern, right?
We're noticing that we do it.
We're knowing that we self sabotage, we just don't know why, and we don't know how to stop it
and so by gathering all of this information,
By being a good sleuth, or a good detective
We can try to figure out how best to prevent it from happening again.
If we find this happening a lot in our life,
don't worry!
There are so many things that we can do to stop it.
First, like I said is just noticing,
When it happens, what triggers it, how it looks, how it feels to us
And, maybe, is it always related to one person, or one experience,
Gather as much information as you can about it.
And then the second thing that I would encourage you to do,
Is to stop that negative self talk.
Like I said, we're always talking negatively about ourselves,
Especially with regards to self sabotage
Because we're like "Oh my god, I'm doing it again, I can never be happy, this is always the way it's going to be,"
Stop that negative self talk
And start arguing back with some, like, extra information
Some other things that are going on, some positive affirmations
Some ways that you're working to change.
Even if that argument is:
"Hey, I'm working on it, I'm a work in progress,"
"Like everybody else, and this will get better."
That's enough sometimes!
That kind of sometimes all we need.
And the next thing I want to encourage you to do,
is to set some goals.
What are the things that we're wanting to achieve?
The things we're wanting to get to?
What is it we find ourselves getting stuck,
in self sabotaging making us go backwards?
What are those things we're moving towards?
And I want you to write down those long term goals,
As well as a bunch of smaller ones.
Maybe the goal right now, is just to get through today,
Without doing any of that self sabotaging behavior.
Maybe the goal today is to wait 5 minutes before I call that person that I'm upset with.
Whatever the goal is,
maybe the goal is just to shower and do something nice for yourself today.
It could be anything.
But I would start with small, daily goals.
Working into weekly goals,
and building on that.
Because often we have these really long term goals,
We really want to get to them,
And we just get lost in the process,
And kind of lose our way, and can get frustrated and upset,
And go back to the self sabotaging behavior.
And the last word of advice that I have is to:
Seek outside support!
So a therapist is a great resource, as far as support goes,
To keep you going, when you really feel discouraged,
And you want to revert back to old behavior.
Same goes for friends and family.
So I would encourage you to seek some outside support
to let some people in,
let them know about your goals,
So that they can help you work towards them
Even when you, yourself, don't think you can.
I just want all of you to know that this type of behavior is completely normal,
There's nothing wrong with you.
It just can feel really uncomfortable to change
the way that we interact, and the things that we do in our lives.
Of coure we're going to want to revert back to old behavior,
Because it's "normal," and we're used to it,
And we know what to expect.
But know that you can challenge those, and you can change.
Sometimes we just need a little extra support,
some more guidance
And we maybe need to set more realistic,
and short term goals so we can stay motivated
On our path to whatever it is that we're working towards.
I love you all! Thank you so much for tuning in.
Like I said, I'm coming to Austin, Texas.
I will leave the information in the comments below.
As well as on my twitter page.
I hope I can see you all there!
And I will see you on Monday.
Bye!
*music*