- Snoop used to call himself the D-O double G.
Back in the day, the reason why he called himself the Dogg
is because he was a dog with the ladies, it's true.
Now he's called the Dogg because he sleeps all day
in the sun spot on living room floor, isn't that true?
- Some real shit, nephew, you look real good.
I didn't know the Muppets made (bleep) clothes
for a (bleep) though. (audience laughing)
(audience cheering) (upbeat jazz music)
- Snoop Dogg.
Snoop smoked so much weed
that he farted during the commercial,
the whole front row got the munchies.
(audience laughing)
- The true player in the house tonight,
my homeboy OG Ice T, original gangster.
(audience cheering)
Ice T been in the game so long
they should just call him Ice Age.
(audience laughing)
I tried to listen to one of Ice T songs on the way up here
but I didn't have no cassette player in my car.
(audience laughing and cheering)
Now when I seen you earlier
I thought you was throwing up gang signs at me,
but I found out it was just your arthritis.
(audience laughing)
- On a past roast Snoop claimed I wanted to bang him.
Please!
If I want to bang a skinny black man with braids,
I'll call Alicia Keys. (audience laughing)
- Lisa is a stone cold freak.
Lisa (bleep) Larry King, Don King, Rodney King,
and Billie Jean King in a Burger King bathroom.
I mean, this bitch loves to eat for real.
If you want to (bleep) Lisa doggy style,
all you gotta do is put a bowl of food on the floor.
(audience laughing)
Now Trip,
now Lisa's had so much sex with so many different brothers
we've even gave her rap names for her fat ass.
Notorious PIG. (audience laughing)
You're gonna like this one, Russell.
Ton DMC. (audience laughing)
Bust A Bust A Nut In Your Face.
(audience laughing)
And my favorite, Snoop Chili Dog in Your (bleep) Mouth.
(audience applauding)
- I love Snoop.
D-O Double Jizzle.
That can't be right.
Snoop told me during the break
that once he had a DNA test
that found he is only 71% black.
That true?
Unless my math is wrong, if you're 71% black,
you're 29% not guilty. (audience laughing)
- I've got to give a shout out to my main man,
Larry King in the (bleep) house.
(audience applauding)
Larry, you know how we is.
Larry is cool, but backstage I handed him a joint
and he rubbed Bengay into it.
- Round of applause for Snoop, come on now was hilarious.
- Snoop, you have butchered the English language
in your music.
You have two Gs in the word "dog",
you used "izzle" and "fizzle" at he end of everything.
You speak worse English than Marlee Matlin.
- Whitney Cummings.
Look at your fine little skinny ass sitting up there.
I roll blunts fatter than you,
but you've been passed around a little bit more.
(audience laughing)
But right now, things are popping for Whitney, y'all.
Everybody in Hollywood is talking about her,
and they all saying the same thing.
I think that bitch gave me herpes.
(audience laughing)
- Snoop Doggy Dog. What's up, man?
He's way too shy to admit this,
but he was actually the billboards top male artist
the year I was born. (audience laughing)
And look at you now, Snoop.
You're one of the 10 dudes at my roast
sitting right next to Martha Stewart and that Hannibal guy.
How cool is this?
So cool. You made it. (audience laughing)
Proud of you, man. Proud of you.
(audience cheering)
- Justin.
You released so many horrible and unwatchable videos,
you should change your name to Vanilla ISIS.
Now most (bleep) like myself,
we go a little crazy when we get famous.
Buy some dope cars, (bleep) some bad bitches.
(bleep), you bought a monkey. (audience laughing)
I mean,
that monkey was more embarrassed
than the one that started the aids epidemic.
(audience laughing)
Now, when Jay Bird got arrested,
he had a big smile in his mug shot.
Not because he gangsta.
Because he knows what goes on in jail.
(audience laughing)
Now Justin, you so (bleep) pretty,
when the inmates saw your mug shot they swiped right.
(audience laughing)
- Snoop used to call himself the D-O double G.
That's right, the Dogg. Right Snoop?
Back in the day, the reason why he called himself the Dogg
was because he was the Dogg with the ladies, it's true.
Now he's called a dog because he sleeps all day
in the sun spot on living room floor, isn't that true?
That's true, Snoop.
- Real shit, nephew, you look real good.
(audience laughing)
I didn't know the Muppets made (bleep) clothes
for a (bleep) though. (audience laughing)
Yes, sir.
Now look, Kevin's from Philadelphia, right.
Just like Bill Cosby.
And just like Bill Cosby,
women can't tell when Kevin's inside of 'em.
(audience groaning)
- Snoop, your homie Dr. Dre
just became a billionaire last year
and you should be proud.
There's not a lot of black billionaires.
There's Dr. Dre and the guy that sells you weed.
(audience laughing)
I mean, you are a legend,
which is a nice way of saying you old as (bleep).
You only do it now because it's easier on your lower back.
(audience laughing)
- We got Ludacris in the (bleep) house.
(audience cheering) Luda! Luda!
I love that song with yours where you said
"If you a pimping and you don't love them hoes."
That shit was tight.
But you know who else said that that was tight?
Me 15 years before you did it, (bleep),
stopped biting my shit. (audience laughing)
But here's one of Ludacris's original rhymes.
"There's hoes in the room.
"There's hoes in the car.
"There's hoes on the stage.
"There's hoes by the bar."
(bleep) are you a rapper or Dr. Suess?
(audience laughing)
(upbeat jazz music)