Hey, it's Mark here, founder of Make Him Yours and creator of Find Love in Five Steps.
Today, we're discussing one of the most controversial ideas
that I and many other dating coaches teach in dating.
It's dating multiple people or seeing a few guys at the same time before
committing to be exclusive to any one of them. There's a reason we teach it though.
It's because it works. And today, I'm going to give you seven rock solid reasons why.
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So dating multiple people. This is where before you become exclusive to a man, you continue
to see lots of other guys. Now, lots of dating coaches recommend this, and I do too, and
I want to take today to explain why. And so number one, the first thing is that it facilitates
a better decision making because science has actually proved
it bounces the neurotransmitters in your brain.
Okay, so this is really exciting. One of the biggest mistakes we make in dating, men make
it too, but women especially, is moving too fast, getting into exclusive commitment before
you really know the person. We've all done it, right? You know you wanted a relationship
after just two or three dates before we really know someone. The problem is at that stage,
that someone could very easily be the wrong person. Now, the reason we fall for someone
so quickly is not the fact that they are perfect for us because we don't know them in that
time. It's our neurotransmitters. For example, have you ever had the experience where you
can recite every intimate detail of a date, every detail from the way he held your hand
to exactly what he said to you, to almost every step the two of you took and yet half
of us can't even remember what we had for lunch yesterday.
Why is it we can remember dates like these in such incredible detail, but draw total
blanks on other basic things that happen in our lives? It's because of the neurotransmitter
dopamine. Dopamine serves to intensely focus your attention and make you feel really, really
good. The downside is it's also associated with almost every clinical addiction in humans.
When you first fall in love, studies have shown your serotonin levels drop resembling
those of a clinical OCD stuff. Right now. These are normal, beautiful things that happen
to all of us when we fall in love. The problem is if it happens with the wrong person after
just a couple of days, we're going to fall head over heels for the wrong person before
you've had a chance to get to know that they're the wrong person. So here's what's really
important. When you multiple date, you spread those neurotransmitters out. So rather than
these highs, you get much more balance. The highs aren't as high, the cravings aren't
as intense and the obsessive thoughts are not as obsessive. All this leads you to being
in a better mental state to make more rational decisions about the right guy for you.
Secondly, it levels the playing field. The reality is most guys, especially socially
attractive guys, when they start out seeing you are going to be seeing multiple women,
they're going to be getting attention from a lot of different sources. Most men take
time, weeks, or months to decide that they want to be exclusive to you. This dating pattern
makes sense as it gives him the time to get to know you. When you date multiple people,
it's not about being underhanded, not at all. It's just saying, okay, well what's good for
you is good for me. I'm not willing to give up the benefits of being single, seeing lots
of guys potentially meeting the one everywhere until I know that you're worth it and you
do the same for me.
Number three is it's not dishonest. So when I talk to women about multiple dating, one
of the biggest objections I hear by far is that it's dishonest or leads the guy on.
No, I promise you it's not any of those things. First, we've already talked about the fact
that most men are doing it anyway, so there's nothing untoward going on there. But look,
if this unspoken rule of dating still plays on your conscience, there's something you
can do about it. There's absolutely nothing stopping you telling him what's going on.
Simply say something like, "just so you know, Chris, I am very much in a dating only mindset
right now. I've told myself I would really get to know someone before I commit, so I'm
going to hold myself to that. If you're supportive of that, I'd love to keep seeing you and see
where this goes. If not, I completely understand." Straight away, you say something like that,
conscience clear. The guy knows where it's at, nothing underhanded about it.
Number four, you meet way more men. Look, the reality is to find a Prince, you're going
to have to kiss a few toads. Some people get lucky and it's the first person they meet.
Most of us don't. It's simple math and when you get out there and you're dating multiple
guys, you're going to meet way, way more men. And the more men you meet, the better your
chances of finding Mr. Right. I actually had one friend who was dating a guy, non exclusively,
started dating a second guy five weeks later and she's now engaged to the second guy. And
that relationship never would have happened if she had forced herself to single date.
So number five is you build flirting and social skills. Social skills aren't just useful in
dating. Studies have proven that a person's social skills have direct correlations with
their levels of personal happiness. The more men you see, the faster you're going to grow
these skills across a variety of situations
and look, coming from a self development background,
this is a huge, huge advantage of multiple dating that often gets forgotten.
Number six is you challenge him without trying in a way that actually works.
Now, playing hard to get that's fake and it's terrible dating advice.
It always will be, but being hard to get,
not only is that okay, it's really fricking attractive. When you build a lifestyle where
you're a natural challenge to a man, you become hard to get without ever having to play.
And number seven, it helps clarify what you want in a guy and weeds out what you don't.
So you might think you want a driven guy, but have you ever actually experienced it?
Or it could be the other way around. You might not think shy guys are for you, but then once
you try it, you might actually love it. The more guys that you date, the more you get
to experience everything out there and the more things you're going to find out that
you might actually love. And look, the other thing about multiple dating is that two particularly
toxic types of dating personalities, so players and possessive guys, those two guys cannot
handle a woman who multi dates. If you tell a player or a possessive guy, that thing I
said before about not committing, you know, keeping things open, they will lose their
sh*t. They are too insecure to ever deal with it.
They can't handle those situations. So when a strong confident woman that is multi dating
says that to a guy, he will freak out. He will try and manipulate you into dating only
him. "Oh no baby, you don't want to do that, dadada. "And if he can't do that and if he,
if he can't change your mind, then he'll probably just call you something beginning with S and
walk away because he literally can't handle it. Good riddance. Thank you, multiple dating.
Well thanks for watching. I hope that opened your eyes to the potential power of this dating
strategy. Hey, look, if you are interested in learning about dating particular types
of men, what I talked about just before, make sure you click the link in the description.
In it there's a free report on the 10 Male Dating Personalities That Can Lead To Heartbreak.
So it discusses some of these toxic male dating personalities that I talked about, early signs
of them, how you can avoid them. And look, if you're multi-dating all the better because
you're not going to get so emotionally invested in these guys you know, before it's too late
to pull back. Don't forget to subscribe to the channel. Thank you very much for watching
and I'll see you again very soon.