Jack the Dullard (Blockhead-Hans)
Ha ha ha!
Why's he laughing?
..I don't know..
Once upon a time, three brothers lived in an old country house.
The two older brothers were rather clever and sharp, but the youngest was a little bit dim-witted.
Their father was proud of his older sons, but he didn't pay much attention to the youngest.
'Lived...they...ever....happily after!' Ha ha ha ha ha!
What a simpleton! You can't even read properly! Fool!
Oh! Ha ha ha...
What are you laughing at? Are you completely stupid?
What a fool!
Their father counted himself fortunate to have at least two clever sons.
One day, they heard that the Princess was looking for suitors.
She wanted to find someone who could prove that he was funny and brave at the same time.
The father bought his eldest sons fine, expensive horses.
I believe in the two of you.
One of you will win the Princess's heart.
I will, Father!
The Princess will choose me!
...but if she doesn't, I will succeed instead. You can rely on us, Father.
But the Father had no faith in Jack.
But Father, I want to go to the palace too! Can I have a horse?
You? A suitor for the Princess!? Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
But you let my brothers go. Can't I go with them?
I don't even have a horse for you. Go if you want, but you'll have the goat.
Ha ha ha.. Hyah, hyah! Ha ha ha.. Yeah! We are going to the palace.. Ha ha ha ha.. (mumbles)
Jack mounted his goat and headed to the palace.
All the villagers laughed to see Jack waddling along on his little goat.
(multiple) Ha ha ha. Is that a goat?
Ha ha.. Hold on there, Goat. I'll get you plenty to eat once we reach the palace...
(Bleats)
Forward! Ha ha ha ha..
Jack knew a shortcut to the palace, so he followed the left path over the mountain.
Are you tired, Goat? Why don't we both walk? Hee hee.. Ha ha ha!
Oh what's that, oh a dead crow?
Let's take it to show to the Princess!
As he climbed the mountain, Jack also found and old boot.
and a ball of slimy mud.
Jack's shortcut over the mountain, allowed him to catch up with his brothers.
Isn't that stupid Jack over there? Where's he off to on that goat?
When Jack approached, his brothers asked him what he was doing.
Jack, where do you think you're going?
Ha ha! Why, I'm off to be the princess's suitor, of course! Ha ha ha!
Seriously? You, riding a goat!? Ha ha ha!
His brothers howled with laughter and shook their heads.
Jack showed them his new finds, saying:
Hehehe, I found these on the road. Do you think the princess will like them? Yeah I think she will like them a lot..
The brothers had no time to waste on Jack's silliness.
They didn't want to arrive at the palace late.
Let's go, we need to hurry. Come on..
Let's leave Jack behind, he'll only embarrass us if we bring him with us.
That's alright, my goat isn't very fast anyway. You two go ahead... Ha ha!
He really is dumb...
Let's go meet the Princess!
You know she'll choose me...
When the brothers finally reached the palace, they saw every man in the village lining up to meet the Princess.
Jack was still a long way off, hobbling along on his goat.
The suitors were called in to see the Princess one by one.
They all came out disappointed as she rejected each one.
The day dragged by, and soon only a few potential suitors remained.
Meanwhile, Jack finally made it to the palace.
Oh look, Jack the Loser has arrived!
Oh, no.
The brothers were growing concerned.
It looks like she is rejecting every offer!
Perhaps she is asking them some very tough questions...
Jack here will be rejected the instant he enters the room! Hahahahaha! No doubt about that.
He is such a fool.
Unlike his brothers, Jack was unconcerned about the other suitors, and was busy feeding his goat.
I'm sorry Goat. You must be starving after such a long, hard journey! Have as much as you want.
Finally the brothers' turns came.
The first brother went in to the room.
Bowing respectfully, he said:
Wow, this room is as hot as a sauna!
Naturally. I'm grilling a bird here.
...said the Princess casually.
The first brother was totally lost for words.
Oh...I...well... (stutters)
Obviously, you have nothing to say. You can go.
As soon as the Princess dismissed him, her servant called out:
Next!
But...
The second brother came next, and also remarked on the heat of the room.
Princess, this room is sweltering!
That's not surprising, as I'm grilling a bird.
Pardon? What was that?
The second brother was so nervous and confused that he could barely understand what the Princess was saying.
No, you are not the one. You can go.
Next!
Oh..
Finally, Jack's turn came.
Greetings, Princess. Oh...this room is steaming!
That's because I'm steaming a bird here.
Not hesitating for a second, Jack swept the dead crow out of his pocket.
Are you? Can you please steam my crow for me, too?
The Princess smiled at that.
Very well, but do you have a vessel to steam your crow in?
Jack brought out the old boot from his bag.
Here...I apologize for the smell, but I think it will do splendidly. Do you need anything else?
The Princess paused to consider a moment and said:
Ah! Hmm...I am sure you have neglected to bring sauce for the bird.
Heh! No worries! I have it right here.
Jack took the ball of mud from his pocket.
Ta-dah!!
Jack handed the mud to the servant.
here, just rub it into the bird like this, and you will get some delicious steamed crow!
What on earth are you doing!?
Jack's words and actions made the Princess laugh.
Ha ha ha! You are the funny and courageous man I have been searching for! I will marry you.
I was sure you would, Princess.
The brothers had expected to see Jack emerge disappointed.
They were surprised when he did not appear at all.
In a while, the servant came out instead with an announcement:
The Princess has chosen as her husband. Hmmm,
Hmm.. Jack!
Huh? What?! Huh? No way!
Jack's brothers and all the other suitors were shocked.
How could this be? How could that stupid Jack win the Princess?
This is unbelievable! I don't know what to say...
Jack and the Princess were married,
and the brothers waited quietly to see what Jack would do.
Cheerful and smiling as ever, Jack told them to come home with him.
Jack set off for home, bringing his goat, his Princess, and a wagonload of treasure.
He was very pleased when he imagined the shock and surprise on his father's face.
From that day forth, Jack and the Princess lived happily ever after. (Haha ha ha ha!)