I had heard a few German girls say that they had no interest in dating a German
man. hey guys! what's up it's Kelly again and welcome back to my channel. for
today's video I'm going to finally be answering a question that I actually get
asked a lot which is what was it like for me as an American to date in Germany.
so first I just want to say right off the bat that I when I found out I was
moving to Germany I had sort of decided that I didn't want to date German guys.
relationships are really hard. they're... they're hard and they're hard enough
with dating someone who's from the same culture as you and who speaks the same
primary language as you and the idea of dating someone from an entirely
different country with all sorts of differences there it wasn't exactly the
most appealing to me. I of course by all means wanted to have friends and I do
have friends from all different countries I think that there is so much
value in that but in terms of like dating and trying to have like a
long-term relationship with someone from a different country, I was just really
hesitant about the idea. and then also um I had some German friends before I ever
even moved to Germany and I had heard a few German girls say that they had no
interest in dating a German man which I found fascinating and to be fair I've
also heard some German men while I was living in Germany as some German guys
that I had met there say that they had no interest in dating any German women
and guys like I've never heard someone from a country say that they didn't want
to date someone else from their own country. I've never heard a Romanian
say they don't want to date a Romanian or an Italian say they
don't want to date an Italian but I have heard multiple Germans say that they
don't want to be another German and so that kind of made me a little like
hesitant. I think like if German women don't even want to date men from their
own country than like what what's going on there? if you have any comments
that you want to chime in on by the way please do because I'm really truly
fascinated by this whole idea and I'd love to try to understand it a little
bit more. anyway so when I got to Germany, I you know started to feel a little bit
more comfortable there it started to feel more like home to me and I was like
all right I I think I can date here. I want to try this... I would give it a
shot. so I'm a shy person and I don't really
have the guts to just go up to a guy and start talking to him especially in
Germany where I don't speak I don't speak German so I knew that the idea of
me meeting someone face-to-face was not probably really going to work out for me
so I decided to try an online dating app and this is like the first lesson that I
had in what the dating culture in Germany is like versus the US. so in
the US, we have an app called tinder and if you're not familiar with tinder
it's based on your location and it will match you with different people that are
within the proximity that I think you would probably set and their profile
will come up and you swipe left if you're not interested in them whether
it's the way they look or what their profile says or whatever or you swipe
right if you are interested in them and then if they swipe right on you too then
you have a match and then you can start talking to each other and possibly meet
up. I never had tinder in the US and the reason why is because in the US, tinder
is like... it's a hook-up app. I have friends that have been on it or are on
it now I even follow a few social media accounts that kind of like poke fun at
tinder one of them is called tinder nightmares on Instagram and it's
just very apparent to me it's defined as being like a hook-up app in US culture
so I never even considered getting on tinder when I was in Germany because I
just assumed this is a hook-up app in the US and I didn't think that it would
be viewed any differently in in Germany. which is just kind of stupid looking
back so I didn't get on tinder. instead I got on an app called bumble and if you
haven't heard of bumble it's a little more popular in the US or at least it is
with with women because it's seen as like the classier version of tinder so
it's the same whole you know based on proximity and matching swiping left
swiping right but instead of either person being able to initiate a
conversation the woman has to initiate and she has to initiate within 24 hours
of the match and so you've got a time constraint where in tinder I've noticed
that a few of my friends will just kind of like rack and stack their matches and
I don't I don't know why I only reasonably assume that it's because
kind of feels good to be like oh I've got like 25 matches on tinder whatever
without any intent of it actually like talking to these people.
so with bumble if you don't talk within 24 hours, they're gone. okay
so I got on bumble in Germany and I kind of noticed that it didn't really seem
popular. there weren't a lot of profiles on there at all and so instead of really
thinking about maybe it's just this app I just kind of assumed maybe dating apps
just aren't really a thing in Germany maybe Germans are better at meeting
people in social situations compared to what Americans are because you know
dating trends and yada yada. so I stuck with it though and I matched with
a few guys and I went on some dates and they were all kind of interesting
experiences and as an American living in Germany and I don't speak German I was
really I had this extra element of stress involved in going on a first date
so of course I'm already nervous I'm meeting someone I don't know I don't
know if I'm gonna have a good time I don't know if they're gonna enjoy their
time with me and you know like all of that right I'm sure all of you who have
been on a first date before you know what it's like and then the added stress
of I can't speak the freaking language here so obviously I matched with people
that could speak English so I knew that I was going to be able to communicate at
least fairly well with the person I was meeting but like going to a restaurant I
can't really communicate with the server I mean there are people in Germany and a
lot of people speak English but I don't like to go into an establishment and
assume someone speaks English and and I also carry this guilt of like not
knowing the language of the country that I'm living in. so first of all the menu
is gonna be in German and yes there's great apps out there like Google
Translate where you can actually like take a picture of the menu
and it'll translate it on the screen for you which is great but I don't want to
have to do that on a first date but at the same time I want to make sure that
I'm ordering something that I actually like and there are restaurants
that have English menus and so do I ask for an English menu do I ask him to ask
for me for an English menu and you know just just think just think about it like
if whatever languages you speak or if it's just one and you were to go to
date in an entirely different language all of these factors are coming into
play and like do i order for myself do i bumble through that with the server or
will my date help me out and so with that in mind looking back I think it
would have been better if I had just made me recommended to any guy that I
was going to meet for a date to say like hey let's just grab a bottle of wine and
like sit on the Rhine and talk because then you would completely eliminate all
of that like additional I don't know a third party stress that I was kind of I
don't know a little frustrating for me. so if you're a German guy watching this
and you want to take an American out on a date or maybe someone who just doesn't
speak German, consider taking them you know to the park to share a bottle wine
or just to take a walk together or something that doesn't involve them
having to communicate with someone in German. I will also say that there were
there were some interesting conversations on the dates. so for for
one, I remember going on a date with a guy
where he talked about how he did he went on or dated I think for a while an
American girl and he kind of like um made some comments that made it clear to
me that he thought she was stupid and it kind of fed into this stereotype
that I think a lot of people have that americans are just kind of oblivious and dumb
and whatever and I get it I understand that we don't really definitely make
great a great case for ourselves sometimes but I would maybe stay away
from criticizing Americans on a first date. it's kind of awkward just like I
don't think I would ever talk badly about Germans on a first date with a
German... and similarly I would recommend staying away from hot-button issues like
foreign policy for the US or our political system it can definitely get
awkward and I don't really think that those are like first-date conversations.
you want to keep it light, you want to keep it fun and entertaining and I went
on some dates where the conversations got kind of you know, like intense and
actually the worst date I've ever been on in my life was in Germany with a
German and just coincidence that he was German and I'm gonna make an entirely
different video about that because it's it's it needs to be shared. I would say
that in the US,. like first dates are supposed to be really fun and you talk
about interesting topics that are that are you know very heavy but it seemed
like it was kind of a really big difference in the dating culture between
the two countries. and it it seems like it's more commonplace in the US for the
man to pay for the date it's it's definitely preference based and you
can't apply a rule across Germany or the u.s. there are some guys in the u.s.
that feel very strongly about the fact that the man should pay and it's like
this idea of chivalry and you know I asked you on a date and I should pay you
know for the date and then there are some guys that feel very strongly
against the man paying... like no you know like the idea of like going on a first
date is that perhaps you will continue dating and setting this idea that you're
equal partners bringing equal you know contributions into the relationship or
like hey I'm not paying you for your time which is an interesting
conversation to have. so in Germany I think that it's more common for the
bill to be split but it's definitely not like a rule of thumb and or a
generalization and so definitely another thing you kind of have to feel out. and
the best advice that I would give so the thing about YouTube is I don't really
know who I'm talking to right now so the best advice that I would give to an Ameri...
well anyone going on a date with anyone from another background or culture is to
understand that you are bringing preconceived notions with you to the
table whether or not you realize it there are stereotypes in the back your
mind there are ideas or expectations that you have that you're bringing with
you on this date and you have to do your best to try to just push them out and
understand that you cannot apply a very general statement or stereotype about an
entire culture or country or group of people and apply it to that specific
individual like it's it's really just not fair I would never want someone to
come on a date with me or even meet me like if my boyfriend is introducing me
to some of his German friends I would never want them to look at me and and at
through a lens of like the American stereotype which i think is
extremely challenging to try to avoid but I really think you have to do it to
be able to like successfully date in another country just try to push it out
and learn about this individual that's in front of you
without all of the background noise about their country. alright guys that's
all I've got for you! if you have any interesting comments or stories or
anecdotes that you want to share about what it's like for you to be dating in
Germany or or whatever please write it below I think this is like a really
interesting topic. if you like this video give it a thumbs up! subscribe to my
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