- All right, a man in Texas was sentenced
to 50 years in jail
for stealing $1.2 million worth of fajitas.
Gilberto Escamilla, was a government employee
who had come up with a system
where we was re-routing tortillas,
or fajitas rather, that were going to a detention center
he worked at and selling them out of his house on the side.
- The thing that's great about this is he found a loop hole.
He was government worker,
he was like, oh, I can place these orders,
kind of be the middle man, sell them again.
And this was happening over years and years.
One day the delivery guy shows up
and he's like, I've got your hundreds of thousands
of dollars worth of fajitas.
And they're like, we don't serve fajitas here.
- It was a 800lb delivery of fajitas that arrived.
- And the driver's like, I drop them off every week.
And then they go to this guy and they're like,
hey man, are you selling fajitas?
And just imagine what went through his head.
How he did not put a gun in his mouth
the second they came into his office
(laughs)
to ask about the fajitas,
is an act of God.
Because that is so humiliating.
And then they went to his house
and found how many fajitas?
- It wasn't clear how many they found at his house.
But they found the fajitas in his refrigerator
and that was the smoking gun,
is that he had a bunch of these--
- He had a lot, it wasn't just like some.
It wasn't like he'd gone to Friday's the night before
and took some home.
It was like, his fridge was packed with fajitas.
- Well, it was $1.2 million worth
over the course of nine years.
So, even this one delivery
and they'd been doing it for nine years
was 800lb worth.
He had a quote that really cracked me up.
He said, "It was selfish.
It started small and then got bigger and out of control.
It got the point where I just couldn't control it anymore."
And I started thinking, motherfucker, what happened?
The fajitas started ordering themselves?
What are you talking about,
it got out of control, I couldn't control it anymore.
- Listen Gregg, fajitas are the most seductive of all foods.
And once you starting getting truck-loads
of fajitas delivered,
when are you gonna stop that?
When are you ever gonna be like,
hey, no more of this.
You know what I mean?
And if you can keep them at your house for a while,
you can fondle the fajitas,
you can spend time with the fajitas
and then pass them on to a needy home,
I think he's doing all right.
He got 50 years in prison.
- Well that was the part that is the most surprising
story of this entire thing,
is he got 50 years in prison.
He's a 53 year old man.
What would have happened if it was burritos?
Would he had gotten the death sentence?
What, if he...
If he...
I don't know,
if it was a bigger thing,
would they have drawn and quartered him or something?
That's an insane sentence.
- No, fajitas is 50 years, okay?
Burritos is 10.
- That's it?
- Tacos 30.
Enchiladas...
Enchiladas, you're going to the chair.
If it's just rice and beans,
it's more like a misdemeanor, you know what I mean?
But, anytime you combine,
anytime you get sizzling in there, you know what I mean?
You're getting 50.
- It's like chimichangas, you get the guillotine.
- Chimichangas, they wouldn't even arrest you.
They would just start shooting.
- I thought you were just gonna be like,
thanks, no one really likes chimichangas.
- Everybody likes chimichangas.
- What's the best Mexican food?
- They're all great.
I wouldn't want to have to choose one.
- Me neither.
But I feel like tacos.
- If I had to, yeah.
I love tacos.
- Burrito.
I mean, this does remind of a tweet
that Erica sent out last month
where she said, "If there was a diet somewhere,
where all you ate was Mexican food,
I would lose weight so fast".
And every response to her tweet was just like,
yeah, there's an entire country
where that's the whole diet.
(laughs)
- Every response.
- Our last headline is from Australia,
where you just came back from,
where the government is in a little hot water,
has a controversial policy idea
where they want to get rid of two million feral cats.
It's a big time problem in the country.
And they're so serious about it,
that they've enacted ways to mass murder them
by air dropping poisonous sausages among other things,
also shooting, trapping and other ways.
- So this can drop them over the entire country?
The entire country of,
or is it one island or something
where they have too many feral cats?
- I think there's certain areas where the feral cats,
they're trying to get them into one area
by dropping the sausages
and then the poison takes them out.
- Because the cats will eliminate all kinds of life.
They will take out birds that only live in Australia.
So, it is a big deal to keep that population under control.
But, I think that anytime you get a chance
to air drop poisonous sausages,
you gotta take it.
You know, you gotta take it no matter who's involved.
But I wanted to know, I've been to Australia,
all right, I've been all over Australia, different parts.
There are gonna be some people who eat those sausages.
(laughs)
There are Australians who,
if they saw a sausage fall from the sky,
they would put it in their mouth.
So, I've gotta wonder, who's plan is this?
- Its the government.
And there's some--
- But there's gotta be one guy behind it who was like,
when they were like, should we drop enchiladas?
And he was like, no.
- I mean, there's some beautiful pictures
in the New York Times of guys in the darkness
carrying guns and dead cats.
It's a serious problem,
I mean, they announced this plan
as far back as four or five years ago
but now they're starting to enact it.
I think poisonous sausages,
they're a little worried also
some dogs and foxes could eat it too.
How many dogs and foxes do we need?
I mean, if we're going to get rid of the feral cats.
- Isn't there something that the cats just eat
that no one else does?
Like catnip, if you put poison catnip out,
wouldn't that do it?
And why not just walk around with a gun,
shooting every cat you see?
- Target practice.
- Like, you got a collar on? No?
Well guess what, you'll never wear one.
You're about to go down.
- That is part of the plan too,
is trapping and shooting and killing them.
You know, there's--
- They have hundreds of millions.
Or how many?
- Yeah.
- Millions, not hundreds of millions but millions of cats.
- Millions of cats.
And they're especially in this place Kangaroo Island
and they're in some of the less inhabited areas of--
- There's really a place in Australia
called Kangaroo Island?
- There is a picture of these men
that are hunting feral cats on Kangaroo Island,
which if that's not a Disney movie,
I know don't know what is.
- Oh my God, that would be a great animated movie,
or a video game.
Where you got dropped on an island
and had to kill a hundred million cats.
- People hate cats too.
I mean, I love cats, I grew up with two cats
in my house at all times.
If one passed away, just got another one to replace him.
We had a dog. - I understand how cats work.
- Yeah, I'm just saying.
But as I've gotten older, I've realized
there's a lot of adults, especially men,
who are just very anti-cats
and I think would love a video game like that.
Which I would not support.
- I don't like the shedding,
I don't like the litter box,
I would never have one in my place.
But feral cats should all be killed.
Feral cats are terrible, terrible creatures.
They're nothing like regular cats.
- Or they're smarter than the rest of us.
One of the reasons why they're dropping
these poisonous sausages is that
people who hunt and trap cats
and have been hired by the government,
essentially are convinced that the cats learn about it.
If you capture them once,
they're too smart to get captured twice.
Once shot at, you know, you can get a couple,
but then you're never going to get them again.
And the only way to do this is with poisonous sausages.
- If you remember the movie, Batman Returns,
or The Dark Knight,
Alfred, the butler, tells a story
about hunting a jewel thief in the jungles.
And they finally caught him,
they just burned the whole jungle down.
I think that's what you gotta do with Australia,
get everyone out of there,
light the place up and then come back when it's cat free.
(loud rock music)