Hey there, this is Clay with modernlove.life and this is Relationship Inner Game.
Now in this video, this is going to be part of a series of videos on what your ex is thinking,
what their experience is during this whole process of getting back together and specifically
this video we're going to be talking about what your ex means and what's going on with
them.
When they say that they just want to be friends with you.
There are two times that your ex might say that they just want to be friends with you.
Number one is when they are actually breaking up with you.
If you're ex says that they just want to be friends with you.
There's a couple of things that could be going on.
Yeah, they might be trying to let you down.
Easy.
Yeah.
They might be trying to, you know, just kind of brush you off or something like that and
that absolutely is a realistic possibility.
However, in my experience, your ex will usually say this because they value the connection
to the two of you had and they want to keep you in their life in some capacity or another.
They don't just want to let you go and never hear from you again.
You know?
Yeah.
Breakups can hurt.
Yeah.
Breakups can have a lot of hurt feelings, but you know, if the two of you spent a good
amount of time together, if the two of you have friends in common with the two of you
have good experiences together, they probably do want to keep you in their life in some
capacity and the whole friend thing.
It's not something you really need to worry about.
We've talked about this before, but you don't need to worry about the friend zone when it
comes to your ex's.
Okay.
Your ex's will always think of you as an attractive person unless you've gone through some sort
of like massive, massive physical change.
I'm not talking about like, oh, I gained five pounds or something, but if you've actually
maybe gained like 50 or 100 pounds or something.
That's another story, or if you've gone through some sort of major personality change or something
like that, like you know, maybe one of your parents unfortunately passed away and now
you're just like chronically depressed all the time that could, you know, do something.
But aside from all of that, your ex is not going to lose attraction for you.
Okay?
It's just that the emotions between the two of you are going to get in the way of that
attraction.
Really bringing the two of you closer together, the history, the baggage that hurt feelings.
That's the kind of stuff that is going to keep the two of you apart.
It's not an attraction problem and if you're ex wants to stay friends with you, I suggest
that you stay friends, right?
If there's no friend zone, you're not really in the friend zone.
You're actually giving your ex space to feel you out and for you to feel them out and for
you to actually have the opportunity to have an emotional connection with one another.
Your ex is not going to make this like black or white decision right away of am I going
to get back together with them, yes or no?
Yes.
There that, that's not going to happen, right?
Your ex is going to need time to feel things out to kind of see what sort of connection
the two of you have.
See what sort of rapport the two of you have.
See if the two of you can get along, see if there's any real substantial change in the
dynamic between the two of you so that they don't walk back into the same relationship
that they walked out of in the first place.
Nobody wants that.
Right?
And the second time that your ex might say that the two of you should just be friends
is if the two of you have already broken up and you're interacting with one another, you
know, maybe you're texting, maybe you're hanging out, maybe you're doing whatever.
And um, you know, maybe maybe you say something.
If you ask them to get back together with you or maybe you're just interacting one day
or something like that.
And they say, Hey, you know, we should just be friends.
What's going on here is that your ex is sensing a hidden agenda on your part.
They're sensing that you are trying to move the interaction that you're having with them,
towards the goal of getting back together towards the goal of being in a relationship
and your ex doesn't feel that same connection with you.
In fact, if your ex doesn't feel that same connection and you're trying to steer them
or railroad them towards getting back together, what they're actually going to feel is a sense
of upset because they're going to think that you are using them as a means to an end to
get what you want.
They, they know that you want to get back together and they have to take you back in
order for you to the two of you to get back together.
Right?
And in essence, if your biggest priority is getting back together, it's not on meeting
your ex or your ex is add emotionally.
And if you're not talking to your ex, if you're not listening to your ex, if you're not feeling
your ex out and they're just a stepping stone for you to get back together, then that's
not going to fly very well and you need to focus more on the quality of the connection
that the two of you are having in the moment rather than the outcome, the end result of
getting back together.
So focus more on the means not so much on the end.
And if your ex does really enjoy spending time with you, there shouldn't be any rush.
The two of you should continue to have great interactions, building positive connections
with one another.
And as the two of you start to open up more, bond more, connect more, it's going to become
much, much, much easier for your ex to really envisioned a romantic future with you.
And they'll stop saying things like, we should just be friends.
And I'll start saying things like, would you ever want to be my boyfriend or a girlfriend
again?
Right?
This is something that actually happened to me once.
Um, and so just remember, focus on the quality of the emotional connection, focus on building
these high quality interactions and you will be able to really jump or leap frog over this
friendship thing and really get back into the whole romantic world, but it really does
revolve more around the connection itself rather than the end goal of being in a relationship.
Don't forget that.
So if you want to learn more about how to build this high quality emotional connection,
please head down below.
Go ahead and click on the link down below.
If you're watching this over on our website modernlove.life, that link we'll send you
over to a page.
It'll tell you more about how to build that emotional connection, a step by step blueprint
for building high quality emotional connections between you and your ex.
That'll save your relationship, that'll bring the two of you closer together, and that we'll
have the two of you having much more positive emotional experiences together.
Again, that's if you're over on modernlove.life.
If you're watching this video or on youtube down in the description below this video,
you will find a link that'll take you instead over to our website relationship inner game.
Now, over on relationship in our game, you can go ahead and fill out a quick little painless
survey just answering a couple of quick questions about yourself, your acts, your breakup, and
all that.
It should only take about 30 seconds or so, and after you fill this out, I'll send you
some advice, tips and strategies that will kind of get you started in terms of understanding
what's going on with your ex in terms of really building these positive emotional connections
with your ex.
So no matter where you are, the next thing for you to do is to head on down below this
video and click on that link.
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Go ahead and subscribe to this channel and please go ahead and leave a comment down below
letting me know what sorts of videos you would like to see in the future.
Anyway, this has been Clay with modernlove.life and I hope that this has helped you improve
your Relationship Inner Game.
Take care.